Hollywood celebrities took to Twitter after the swearing-in of Supreme Court Associate Justice Brett Kavanaugh, urging women to delay reporting sex crimes for the long-term good of the Democratic Party.

(2018-10-07) — Hollywood reacted aggressively this weekend to the swearing-in of Judge Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court, by urging women to delay reporting acts of sexual violence in order to help Democrats win future elections.

“If there’s anything we’ve learned from the Kavanaugh circus,” said one unnamed iconic actor, “it’s that long-delayed, uncorroborated, sexual abuse allegations fire up the base. It’s a recipe for a Congressional Democratic majority. Early reporting might jeopardize that.”

Experts say that, while immediate reporting may result in punishment for the abuser and thus reduction in the number of additional victims, the highly-personal and localized nature of ordinary crime reporting can’t contribute to a broader social-justice narrative like a long-repressed incident, dramatically unveiled at the right moment.

“Justice delayed is injustice weaponized for electoral war,” said one anonymous actor who plays an attorney on a hit drama. “With the passage of time, facts and evidence become irrelevant, putting the entire focus where it belongs — on the seriousness of the charge, and empathy for the accuser, unclouded by forensics or witnesses. This is how Democrat dominance is forged.”

The celebrities took to Twitter to urge women not to go to police, parents, or employers while memory is fresh, but to wait for years, perhaps decades, to “allow the rage to ripen.”

“Immediate reporting may give you a quick energy boost, and even the temporary satisfaction of justice served,” said another celebrity, “but if you, instead, allow it to fester and rankle until it swells up and overflows in an outpouring of bitterness — well, that’s what really moves the pathos needle at the polls.”

The coalition of celebrities pleaded with victims, using hashtags like #ShutUpAndSimmer and #PipeDown4Pelosi.

“Your years of trauma have a purpose,” the Hollywood stars said in a joint Tweet. “Your story — decades from now — might secure abortion rights for a generation yet unborn. It’s #WorthTheWait so #ZipItChica”

The coalition said that delayed accusations also allow time to determine whether a youthful abuser grows up to be a federal judge, or a Hollywood celebrity. This can help a victim determine whether to publicly accuse, or “to quietly take the settlement money so she can continue to work in this town.”