Posts Tagged ‘Bob Woodward’

‘We Lost Bob’: Woodward Now Trump-Collusion Denier

(2018-09-16) — ‘Fear’ author Bob Woodward has become part of the conspiracy to conceal the collusion with Russia that won the presidency for Donald Trump.

That’s the inescapable conclusion of professional journalists and their Democrats upon hearing the famed Watergate reporter tell radio host Hugh Hewitt that, during his two year probe of the Trump administration, he “looked for it hard” but found no evidence that Trump’s campaign worked together with Russians to tilt the election result in his favor.

“We lost Bob,” said one crestfallen Washington Post reporter who requested anonymity to avoid accountability. “The icon of six generations of political reporters has fallen. He’s just a liar like Trump now. The great Bob Woodward was part of the conspiracy to defeat Hillary Clinton, and to end democracy as we know it.”

Stockholm syndrome was the initial explanation among those who knew and trusted Woodward’s professionalism. Over two years and hundreds of interviews, he must have developed a psychological alliance with his ‘captors’ in the White House and in the Trump campaign, they reasoned.

But as news of the Hewitt interview propagated on Twitter, a darker explanation took shape.

Many now believe that Woodward was “in on it from the beginning” — a willing tool of Trump’s, who wrote the book to distract from special counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation.

“It’s all become clear now,” said one unnamed Democrat House member. “Just like Trump uses chaos to distract from his destructive agenda, Woodward wrote a book about White House chaos to deflect the undeniable truth that Donald Trump sits in the Oval Office at the behest of Vladimir Putin, to do his bidding.”

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi today promised that when she becomes Majority Leader in January 2019, “the second order of business will be to impeach Bob Woodward, and to eject him from the Democrat caucus.”

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Op-Ed Blowback: Trump Behavior Shames Economy

(2018-09-06) — The U.S. Economy today said it was embarrassed at its own impressive growth after learning — from a new Bob Woodward book and an anonymous op-ed in The New York Times — that the country is run by an impetuous idiot.

“Here I am happily growing and creating jobs,” the Economy said, “while this amoral, bozo blunders around the White House saying stupid stuff, and causing chaos for his staffers. It’s humiliating for me to succeed at this level, at a time when senior administration officials have to steal documents from the president’s desk just to maintain proper decorum.”

Reached by phone early this morning, National Security, Deregulation and Judicial Restraint sheepishly agreed with the Economy saying they feel their pleasant circumstances were purchased at the cost of turmoil for senior officials, who have to bear the unfair burden of coping with Trump’s embarrassing behavior just to make America great again.

“When we see the suffering of the anonymous resistance,” they said, “we feel guilty about thriving. After all, what do the American people want more than anything, if not a White House that runs according to historic protocol?”

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Woodward Denies Writing ‘Fear’ Book to Help Trump

(2018-08-01) — Celebrated Watergate reporter Bob Woodward this morning denied that he wrote his new book, “Fear: Trump in the White House,” to aid the president’s strategy of distraction and chaos.

“I’m a serious professional journalist,” Woodward alleged, “not a Trump lackey or a useful idiot helping him to stir up trivial chaos about personal stylistic quirks, and thus distracting the public from his quiet efforts to roll back regulations, to seed the courts with Constitutionalists, to cut taxes, and to project American strength abroad.”

According to reports, the Trump White House made no effort to “handle” Woodward during his research, and didn’t restrict his access, or monitor conversations with White House staff the way past administrations have.

“The failure of the White House to spoon-feed me, or to listen in and spin during interviews, demonstrates what I call a climate of fear that pervades this administration,” Woodward said. “Staffers chattered to me like magpies, and dished dirt, because they’re petrified of the president’s loyalty demands, of his power, and of his vindictive nature. It’s not because they’re playing me and my colleagues in the media like a fiddle.”

White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said she hasn’t spoken with her boss about the book, but she’s sure Trump “thinks Bob Woodward is a total joke, and he would be glad to write a blurb for the dust jacket and promote it on Twitter.”

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