Posts Tagged ‘2020 election’

Biden Salutes Sanders for Starting a Movement

Former presidential candidate Bernie Sanders seen here starting a movement.

(2020-04-07) — As Bernie Sanders takes a seat out of the spotlight at the end of a hard-fought campaign for president, fellow septuagenarian Democrat candidate Joe Biden praised his former foe for “starting a movement.”

“Bernie showed all of us that winning isn’t everything,” said Biden from the basement of his Delaware home. “At this stage of life, a movement is more meaningful. And that’s hard to do, let me tell you.”

The former vice president saluted Sen. Sanders for “the way Bernie endured the strain — God love him — and pushed hard to the end, even when it seemed like nothing would come of it.”

The presumptive Democratic nominee added that Sanders’ effort was, in fact, productive.

“We can see the product of Bernie’s exertions everywhere — from the sidewalks of San Francisco, to the midwestern farmlands, to the very halls of the U.S. Capitol,” Biden said. “Evidence of his successful movement lies all around us, I tell you. I can smell it in the air. I can feel it to the soles of my shoes.” 

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Bernie Quits to Keep USA Safe from ‘Crazy Geezer’

(2020-03-19) — Senator Bernie Sanders, I-VT, suspended his second presidential bid today, in a move supporters say puts the good of the country before his personal ambition.

“The United States can’t afford a crazy geezer in the White House for another four years,” the septuagenarian candidate reportedly told campaign staffers. “If my dropping out can protect this country from the ravings of an anti-social curmudgeon with lunatic policies, so be it.”

Campaign staffers explained that Sanders’ withdrawal would allow Democrats to rally around 77-year old former Vice President Joe Biden to defeat 73-year-old President Donald Trump.

Biden welcomed Sanders supporters and paid tribute to his former foe.

“Bernie fought the good race, and ran the…stoplight, or what have you. God love him,” Biden told reporters from his Delaware home where he said he’s “self-quoruming from the Coronavirus mandemic.”

“I salute Governor Sanders’ supporters, in the words of Abraham Lincoln Park: ‘The world will little note, nor long remember what you say here. But in the end, it doesn’t even matter, because we hold these truths’…you know what it says in the good book…surrender is just a river in Egypt, by cracky! And Trump can put that in his pipe and shove it where the sun will come out tomorrow.”

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Democrats Urge Warren: Stay in Race, Identify as Man

Democrats Urge Warren to Stay in Race, Identify as Man
Registered Democrats say they’re much more likely to vote for “Trevor” Warren.

(2020-03-05) — Nearly 72 percent of registered Democrats say Massachusetts Sen. Elizabeth Warren should not drop out of the presidential race despite her dismal showing in primaries to date, but should simply identify as a man.

“Clearly, Sen. Warren has the intellect, track record, and progressive policies, that will restore this country to what it was before it was great again,” said polling analyst, Tab Crosser. “Rank-and-file Democrats respect her, but they believe she’d be much more presidential if she were a man…preferably named Trevor.”

This view does not indicate sexism within the Democratic party, Mr. Crosser said, but rather that primary voters failed to support Warren in order to protect her from the harsh reality of American misogyny in the general election.

A Warren campaign official said the Senator is reevaluating her political future, in the wake of devastating Super Tuesday losses from coast to coast, but believes that running as a man might be worth it.

“After all, the driving force of the Progressive movement is equality for all,” the campaign staffer said, “and that vision can never reach true fulfillment until a woman gets elected president as a man, just like a men do.”

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Joe Biden Drops Out of Race, Endorses Biden

Former Democrat presidential hopeful Joe Biden bids fairwell to supporters, and commits to “devoting my next 18 months to going door-to-door for my former rival Joe Biden.”

(2020-03-02) — Following disappointing performances in early primaries and caucuses, former Vice President Joe Biden today suspended his campaign for the Democratic nomination for President of the United States, and announced he’ll throw his support behind the winner of the South Carolina primary, the former Delaware Senator, Joe Biden.

“A man’s gotta know when he’s whipped,” Biden told a tearful crowd of supporters. “It’s time for me to skedaddle, and make way for that Biden fella — God love him. He’s got the Joe-mentum now, and I’m yesterday’s newspaper, stained filthy with bird droppings and cat urine.”

The three-time presidential contender said he was moved by the selflessness of Amy Klobuchar and Pete Buttigieg, who each dropped out the race this week and plan to endorse Biden.

“If they can put aside their own ambitions for the good of the country,” Biden said, “so can Old Joe.”

After nearly a year as the presumptive frontrunner, the Biden campaign fell off an electoral cliff in Iowa, New Hampshire and Nevada, supplanted first by the youthful energy of Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders, and then by the late-blooming Biden campaign.

Thanks to a tailwind from the Biden endorsement, Joe Biden says he thinks “Democrats will finally come together around the one candidate who can beat President Eisenhower.”

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Warren Mulls Starting Grassroots Call for Her to Run

Sen. Elizabeth Warren plans spontaneous grassroots presidential draft movement

With a new Democratic presidential preference poll showing Sen. Elizabeth Warren trailing former Vice President Joe Biden by just 313 percent, the former professor rehearses leading a crowd to the White House gate to spontaneously chant: “Run, Betsy, Run!”

(2018-10-16) — Sen. Elizabeth Warren, D-MA, still recovering from the cheek swab that established her Native American ancestry, today hinted that she might actively consider whether to launch a grassroots effort aimed at recruiting her to run for President of the United States in 2020.

Insiders report “a real groundswell” of enthusiasm by Sen. Warren to move toward an answer to the question that’s on the lips of almost 50 percent of the U.S. Senators from Massachusetts.

“Should the tide of popular sentiment become too strong to resist,” Sen. Warren reportedly told her friend, “I may have no choice. And who better to take charge of that tide, than the woman who will inspire its spontaneous, unexpected, inexorable rise?”

The former college professor is said to be buoyed by news that the first CNN poll of the 2020 presidential race shows a full eight-percent of Democrats prefer Warren. She trails former Vice President Joe Biden by a mere 25-point whisker, or just 313 percent, according to mathematics.

Nevertheless, Warren said she’s “focused almost utterly, virtually completely and very nearly totally on my 2018 Senate reelection race, and on serving the people of Massachusetts in the Senate for the next six years, or two, whichever comes first.”

If she does involuntarily need to lead the grassroots call for her nomination, Warren said, “I’ll remain humble about it, but would, of course, submit to a movement led by the greatest feminist Progressive of our day. Who am I to stand in the way of a trailblazer like that?”

 

 

 

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