Posts Tagged ‘GOP’

Election Outcome Uncertain, Expert Says Stay Angry

Experts tell voters to remain angry through the final tally | ScrappleFace.com

A noted elections expert cautioned Americans against becoming complacent, kind, tolerant or charitable in the final hours before Tuesday’s midterms, or even afterward. The source, who is not Russian nor a cable news executive, said “maintaining rage sustains civilization.”

(2018-11-05) — Just hours before Tuesday’s final votes in the 2018 Congressional elections, a noted expert called the outcome “highly uncertain” and urged all Americans to “remain angry.”

According to the noted expert, “Your neighbor, your best friend, even your Mother, will likely betray this country and condemn it to another 1,000 years of darkness, or a catastrophic ice age, or a collision with a meteor or something like that.”

The unnamed source, who is not Russian, said the biggest challenge the country faces will be to maintain the necessary fear and loathing until the final poll in the last state closes…and beyond.

“Don’t let up,” he said. “You might think there’s nothing you can do, or that victory by your side, or by the enemy, is inevitable. That’s not true. You must use these final hours to fill your Facebook wall and Twitter feed with all the rage which has consumed you for the past nine-months. Feel it surge through your biceps and down into your fingertips. Loose the hounds of Hell onto that keyboard like the future of the republic — or of our Democracy, as you prefer — depends upon it.”

While many Americans may feel a natural urge to put electoral division behind them, and to return to the kindness, tolerance and “charity toward all” that characterizes these United States, the expert source said, “This kind of thinking will get us all killed, or at least disenfranchised.”

Quoting President John Adams, he added, “Our Constitution was made only for a seething and unforgiving People. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other.”

Share Button
 

Beto Committed: 6-Years-to-Life in Senate

(2018-09-27) — U.S. Rep. Robert Francis ‘Beto’ O’Rourke said he’ll serve at least six years in a federal facility that houses the U.S. Senate, maybe longer, with only occasional “time off for good behavior.”

The Democratic challenger to Sen. Ted Cruz, R-TX, used the pledge to needle his GOP opponent, implying Cruz dodges the question to keep his presidential options open.

“In one sentence: I’m committed to serving my full term,” O’Rourke said. “Departing early to run for higher office would be like leaving the scene of an accident. I could never do that ”

Rep. O’Rourke said Washington D.C. can make some men ‘intoxicated with power and craving more.’

“It’s my clear-eyed, sober, assessment that being a Senator is a staggering responsibility,” said O’Rourke. “Once you choose that road, you can’t just veer off in another direction without risk of hurting people.”

Share Button
 

Trump to Sessions: Corrupt Congressmen Help MAGA

(2018-09-04) — The nation needs corrupt Republicans in Congress to maintain the economic growth that will Make America Great Again.

That’s the message from President Donald Trump to his rogue Attorney General Jeff Sessions, after the Justice Department indicted two GOP lawmakers just before the midterm elections on charges of misusing campaign funds, securities fraud, wire fraud, and lying to the FBI.

Trump said it’s not just the pre-election timing of the indictments of Republican Congressmen Chris Collins and Duncan Hunter that disturbs him, or the fact that the investigations started under the Obama administration.

“The loss of two men who know the family business, how to make deals, and how get things done, could cripple the operation,” he said, “and ultimately that hurts the economy.”

The president praised the “creativity” of the indicted lawmakers, noting, “It’s easier to ask forgiveness than permission, and you gotta break some eggs to make an omelette. Give me a half-dozen innovators like Chris and Duncan, and I can own the lion’s share of any market,” Trump said. “We don’t just need more Republicans in Congress. We need guys like these who play fast and loose, who grab for all the gusto they can get, and who are willing to get their hands dirty.”

The president added that, “This huge country was built built by men who shoot first and ask questions later, who get while the gettin’s good, and who leverage themselves to the hilt and say whatever it takes to get the deal done, while making sure the exit is paved with gold. I can’t understand why Jeff Sessions would want to squelch that kind of initiative.”

Share Button
 

Trump to Ron DeSantis Critics: “Monkey Off!”

(2018-08-30) — President Donald Trump came to the defense of Florida’s embattled Republican nominee for governor, Ron DeSantis, in the wake of allegations the gubernatorial candidate had issued a “racist dog whistle” by using the phrase “monkey it up” in a TV interview.

DeSantis has denied allegations that he had his African-American Democratic opponent’s ethnicity in mind when said that, “Florida is going in a good direction” and should not “monkey it up” with socialism, tax hikes and deficit spending.

In response, the White House this morning released the following statement attributed to Trump:

“Socialism has monkeyed up every monkeying country where it’s been tried. First you get a bunch of elitist power-hungry mother-monkeyers, who take advantage of the poor dumb monkeys. Socialist government then monkeys the productive citizens out of their wealth, and pisses away all of the monkeying money.”

“As for Ron DeSantis, there is not a racist monkeying bone in his whole monkeying body.”

“So, to Ron’s critics, and to mine, I say: “Monkey off!”

— President Donald J. Trump

Share Button
 

Trump on McCain: “I like people who don’t die, OK?”

(2018-08-28) — After days of sending mixed signals about the passing of the late Sen. John McCain, President Trump today suggested that the outpouring of positive McCain remembrances on TV and social media have come for just one reason.

“We only mourn McCain because he died,” Trump told a reporter. “I like people who don’t die. OK? I hate to tell you.”

The remark echoed Trump’s 2016 campaign quip that McCain is “only a war hero because he got captured. I like people who weren’t captured.”

Even though ABC reporter Jonathan Karl really wanted him to, the president has until now refused to comment about his former bitter rival — the man who almost single-handedly blocked the repeal of Obamacare.

“Let’s be honest,” Trump said today. “All this praise, the tributes, lowering the flag, the big viewing in the Capitol Rotunda — none of this would be happening if John McCain were still alive. It seems like a lot of reversionist history to me.”

White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee-Sanders, acknowledging the fraught relationship between the two Republican politicians, said, “Some men will carry a grudge against another man until his rival is in the grave. President Trump doesn’t give up that easy.”

Share Button
 

4-in-5 Democrats Would Elect McCain President Now

(2018-08-27) — A new Ipsos-Factos poll of registered Democrats, taken in the wake of Sen. John McCain’s death, indicates that some 80 percent of them would vote for the decorated war hero, legendary senator and bipartisan statesman, in a head-to-head contest with anyone from any party.

“There’s never been a Republican, a politician, or even a man, like him,” said one unnamed Democratic survey respondent. “He’s exactly the one we need at a time of division like this. He’s, frankly, the only leader who can bring us together as a nation, stop all wars, and speak the truth at all times.”

As news of the poll leaked out, the Democratic National Committee sent out a Tweet cautioning party members that “voting for the deceased does not offer the same benefits as voting by the deceased.”

Share Button
 

Indicted Lawmaker’s Wife Also Handled Federal Budget

Rep. Duncan Hunter's wife, Margaret, managing federal budget | ScrappleFace by Scott Ott

Rep. Duncan Hunter blamed his wife, Margaret, for their illegal use of campaign funds, and for the deplorable condition of the federal budget, which he claims she has also managed for years.

(2018-08-24) — Indicted U.S. Rep. Duncan Hunter, R-CA, who blamed his wife for illegally using $250,000 in campaign cash to fund a lavish lifestyle because she handled the finances, today admitted that Margaret Hunter has also managed federal spending for years.

“Congress doesn’t really have time to keep an eye on the budget,” said the conservative lawmaker, “so years ago, we gave Margaret authority to deposit the checks, pay the bills, and manage the petty cash as she sees fit.”

Experts say Margaret Hunter outspent federal income by more than $665 billion last year, and she has racked up roughly $21.3 trillion in debt, not including her long-term off-the-books ‘unfunded obligations’ that could outpace tax revenues in years to come.

“Duncan’s wife has done a terrible job managing the budget,” said a Congressman who spoke anonymously to avoid responsibility. “You can’t keep borrowing money, and buying everything you want without a plan to pay it off. She often hides the true extent of her mismanagement, and her scheme to take a second mortgage on our grandchildren has been a disaster.”

If history gives any indication, an unnamed prosecutor said, Mrs. Hunter’s fiscal mismanagement should lead to a six-figure salary and a corner office at a government contractor.

Share Button
 

GOP Blocks Trump’s “Soft Bigotry of High Expections”

(2018-08-10) — On a 92-6 vote the Senate Wednesday approved an across-the-board pay increase for federal employees in 2019, ignoring President Donald Trump’s call for merit-based pay that would reward performance, instead of mere longevity. Most Republicans supported the general pay hike rather than what one called “Trump’s soft bigotry of high expectations.”

“Pay for government bureaucrats must remain competitive with that of unaccountable employees in the private sector, or we’ll have a hard time luring them to D.C.,” said an unnamed Republican Senator. “Not everyone is cut out for the tedium and lack of accountability required for government service. Those who do qualify are already coasting in cubicles below their boss’ radar in large corporations.”

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-KY, said GOP Senators came to Washington to stand up for “the forgotten man.”

“In this case,” McConnell said, “that means increasing the pay of people who’ve been forgotten even by their own government supervisors.”

Share Button
 

Record High Jobs, Low Unemployment, Doom Trump

(2018-08-03) — The Commerce Department reported today that more Americans than ever went to work in July, and that unemployment hit an historic low. The latest jobs report virtually dooms President Trump’s Republicans in the 2018 mid-term elections, because Trump’s son, Donald Jr., met with Russians, his former campaign chief, Paul Manafort, bought an ostrich coat, and the president won’t apologize to CNN reporter Jim Acosta for calling the news media “the enemy of the people.”

The Federal Reserve this week upgraded its assessment of the economy from “solid” to “strong”, which means time’s running out for Trump-backed GOP candidates to explain why First Lady Melania isn’t always with her husband, and why his daughter, Ivanka, sometimes disagrees with her father.

Hispanic unemployment also hit a new record low, and Black joblessness remains near its new historic bottom, signaling that Republican candidates must distance themselves from Trump because everything the president has done so far constitutes impeachable “high crimes and misdemeanors.”

The disastrous jobs report comes on the heels of the Commerce Department’s foreboding announcement last week that GDP growth hit a four-year high, at 4.1 percent.

Minutes after the latest report, worried political consultants gathered behind closed doors inside the beltway to strategize how to rescue the GOP by engaging voters, who now have less time to watch political talkshows because they’re at work.

Share Button
 

Romney Lists Factors That Would Spark 2016 Run

Mitt Romney

Mitt Romney insisted again this week that he’s not running for president in 2016, “unless it’s inevitable.”

(2014-08-28) — Despite his oft-stated reluctance to mount a third White House bid, former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney confessed to a talk radio host this week that he would reluctantly jump into the race “if circumstances change.”

“I loved running for president, and I’ll never do it again,” Romney said, adding that, “One should never say never,” and that life on the campaign trail was “a grueling ordeal that sorely taxed my family.”

“So Anne and I agreed that 2012 would be the last time,” he said, “unless, of course, a 2016 campaign is inevitable, and that would be understandably unavoidable.”

Pressed to list the kinds of “circumstances” which might trigger a change of heart, Romney said, “Well, these are such one-in-a-million long-shots that it’s hardly worth discussing, but let’s say I learned that one of the leading GOP candidates got indicted, or…

  • just couldn’t escape the shadow of his isolationist libertarian father, or
  • were soft on gun rights, or
  • actually hugged Obama just before election day in 2012, or
  • had no previous political experience, or
  • had thinning hair, or
  • lost his Senate seat by 18 points, or
  • had parents born in India or Cuba, or
  • had leaned toward amnesty for illegal immigrants, or
  • was related by blood to George W. Bush, or
  • swelled up like a blowfish since his last campaign, or
  • used even more hair product than I do.

“That’s what it would take,” Romney said. “Really far out stuff. But, otherwise, the answer is still ‘No’. And that’s a firm conditional ‘No’.”

Share Button