(2018-09-06) — The U.S. Economy today said it was embarrassed at its own impressive growth after learning — from a new Bob Woodward book and an anonymous op-ed in The New York Times — that the country is run by an impetuous idiot.

“Here I am happily growing and creating jobs,” the Economy said, “while this amoral, bozo blunders around the White House saying stupid stuff, and causing chaos for his staffers. It’s humiliating for me to succeed at this level, at a time when senior administration officials have to steal documents from the president’s desk just to maintain proper decorum.”

Reached by phone early this morning, National Security, Deregulation and Judicial Restraint sheepishly agreed with the Economy saying they feel their pleasant circumstances were purchased at the cost of turmoil for senior officials, who have to bear the unfair burden of coping with Trump’s embarrassing behavior just to make America great again.

“When we see the suffering of the anonymous resistance,” they said, “we feel guilty about thriving. After all, what do the American people want more than anything, if not a White House that runs according to historic protocol?”