Posts Tagged ‘EU’

Trump Dumps on May Way to Brexit, Wrecks It

July 13th, 2018 Scott Ott
President Trump, after remarks almost certain to trigger armageddon, brutally forces the stunning Melania Trump into a helicopter, despite her show-stopping gown from J. Mendel.

President Trump, after remarks almost certain to trigger diplomatic Armageddon, brutally forces the stunning Melania Trump into a helicopter, despite her show-stopping gown from J. Mendel.

(2018-07-13) — After years of campaigning, a public referendum, and thousands hours of deliberations and negotiations over the U.K. exit from the European Union — known as Brexit — sources said U.S. President Donald Trump ruined everything yesterday.

According to deeply-concerned diplomats, Trump’s revelation to a British tabloid that Prime Minister Theresa May ignored his advice will likely scuttle Brexit, tank global financial markets, bring down the May government, dethrone Queen Elizabeth II, shutter pubs throughout the Commonwealth, and recapitulate the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand, triggering World War I and the inevitable rise to power of Adolf Hitler, thus threatening to undo the highly-successful foreign policy legacy of former President Barack Obama.

“I can’t imagine anything worse,” said one diplomat who requested anonymity to avoid responsibility. “Trump’s remarks are literally the most catastrophic thing to ever happen to Britain and to all of Europe, without exception.”

Experts also agreed that U.S. First Lady Melania Trump looked stunning in a flowing, yellow, off-the-shoulder gown from J. Mendel, but only because President Trump didn’t say anything about it.

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If EU Vote Succeeds, Google to Split into Two Firms

November 24th, 2014 Scott Ott

(2014-11-24) — Increasing worries about anti-competitive American dominance of the internet have driven the European Union (EU) to vote on a motion to break up Google. The symbolic, but morally significant, vote could come as early as Thursday.

If the vote succeeds, Google says it will comply “to maintain European goodwill and to avoid being evil,” by splitting into publicly-traded entities named ‘Go’ and ‘ogle.’

‘Go’ will be the “action service,” aimed at those who use the internet to run a business, or to conduct academic research. ‘ogle’ will handle the other 99 percent of Internet traffic, largely pornography.

google Breakup

Google says if Thursday’s EU breakup vote succeeds, it will split into two firms named ‘Go’ and ‘ogle’.

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Cyprus to be Auctioned Off at EU Sheriff’s Sale

March 21st, 2013 Scott Ott
Cyprus to Be Auctioned at Sheriff's Sale

Someone’s going to pick up a “sweet bargain” next week when the island nation of Cyprus hits the auction block at the EU Sheriff’s sale.

The island nation of Cyprus will be sold to the highest bidder next week at a sheriff’s sale, according to a spokesman from the European Union Sheriff’s Office.

The insolvent Republic of Cyprus simply could not raise the billions of Euros needed to satisfy its obligations, so the entire island in the eastern Mediterranean Sea will go on the block and be snapped up by the highest bidder.

“It’s really a lovely country,” said an unnamed deputy sheriff, “and it’s a shame they couldn’t hold onto it. But somebody’s going to pick up a sweet bargain.”

The day before the auction, Cyprus will hold a yard sale to unload furniture, appliances, vehicles and household knick-knacks to “clear the place out for the new owner.”

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