Insiders at T-Mobile say the cellular phone service provider may soon eliminate the requirement to sign a two-year contract, and instead compel customers to wear a brass nose ring as an alternative sign of submission to the company.

AT&T, Verizon & Sprint are also said to be mulling ways to stop customer complaints about the restrictive, expensive longterm contracts, while still making sure a customer understands who really controls his life.

“We’ve looked at various options,” said an unnamed cell industry insider, “from making customers wear a particular headdress as a public emblem of our authority over them, to a sliding scale system that would range from an orange jumpsuit to the full iron ball-and-chain configuration. If customers don’t like the bondage of longterm contracts, we’re sensitive to that, and we’re willing to change.”