Archive for October 21st, 2018

Migrant Caravan Goes Home As Trump Buys Honduras

Bienvenido Trump-Rico International

With the ink on the deal still moist, work has already begun on The Trump Organization’s transformation of Honduras into a stylish, luxury, first-world nation — President Trump’s solution to stop the migrant caravan headed toward the U.S. border.

(2018-10-22) — A sea of migrant marchers 7,000 strong — bound from Honduras to the U.S. border — suddenly turned south today on news that President Donald Trump offered to buy and rehab their home country.

“Let’s face it,” Trump said. “Honduras is a sh**hole of poverty, drugs and crime. I don’t blame these people who want to get out of Latin America, and come to real America. I smelled opportunity here, so I put together a deal.”

“I picked it up cheap,” the president added. “Fire-sale price really. Nobody else has the brains to do a job like Honduras. Trump alone can do it. We’re going to make Honduras great…for the first time ever.”

President Trump sees Honduras as “a distressed property” that will become “the jewel of Latin America after it gets the Trump treatment,” according to a new brochure release by the White House to attract investment partners to the new property, tentatively dubbed Trump-Rico International. “The Trump Organization will create a luxury experience delivering a sense of style with unrivaled customer service — a real boutique nation for the discriminating resident or traveler.”

While the president said he won’t directly manage the property until he leaves the White House “sometime later this century,” he said his organization will give Honduras “a top-to-bottom rehab — the fixtures, the carpets, everything. Ivanka’s already got a beautiful design worked up. Real first-world stuff…you know, classy.”

The mob of migrants said they’ll return home to good jobs and a better standard of living thanks to new ownership of Honduras, unless the Democratic National Committee counter-offers before the U.S. midterm elections and starts a bidding war.

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