(2013-12-31) — Citing the need to protect Americans from the impact of a sluggish economy, health care disruptions and international crises related to Iran, North Korea, Russia, Syria and elsewhere, the White House announced today that President Obama has delayed the start of 2014 by at least a year.

Obama reportedly signed the executive order in the presidential limo on his way to a golf course in Hawaii, and likened it to “taking a mulligan for 2013,” according to unnamed White House sources.

“Rushing into a new year with the lingering problems from 2013 makes little sense,” said White House press secretary Jay Carney. “By delaying the start of 2014, the president will be able to work with Democrats in Congress to bring closure to several high profile challenges, and to help voters avoid poor choices in November.”

In an official statement, President Obama said, “My decision to delay the new year until the next new year will allow all Americans to start 2014 with a clean slate — from the chief executive on down to the lowest ordinary person.”