(2013-12-01) — After getting off to an admittedly-rocky start, according to White House officials, the ObamaCare website now operates as designed, smoothly doubling and even quadrupling premiums and jacking up deductibles at broadband speeds.

“Mission Accomplished,” said press secretary Jay Carney. “The president commanded the tech surge that dealt with dozens of bugs, and hit his target date. So now Americans won’t be hindered by glitches from getting exactly what he believes they’ve got coming to them.”

Positive public reaction was nearly immediate, with expressions of gratitude and congratulations flooding in from NPR, MSNBC, CNN and other Americans who had grown concerned about the impact of the website problems on the president’s popularity.