(2003-09-05) — Despite accepting the resignation of his Prime Minister, Yasser Arafat kept the U.S.-brokered ‘Roadmap for Peace’ on track today by announcing several new confidence-building measures.
Mr. Arafat said he is “as committed to peace with Israel as ever,” and offered the following goodwill gestures to demonstrate that fact:
- Mr. Arafat will immediately appoint another “strong leader and independent thinker” to replace Mahmoud Abbas as Prime Minister of the Palestinian Authority. Candidates under consideration include Kermit the Frog, Topo Gigio, Charlie McCarthy and Pinochio.
- To help Israel save money, PLO members will volunteer to drive Israeli commuter buses without compensation.
- Arafat will tell Hamas, Islamic Jihad, Al Aqsa Martyrs Brigade and renegades from his own Fatah movement that killing unarmed Israeli civilians might get them in “really big trouble.”
- PLO members will volunteer to serve as ushers in Israeli synagogues, and as security guards at “so-called Jewish holy sites.”
- The Palestinian leader called upon all Muslims to pray for the sudden and swift conversion of all Israeli Jews to Islam “which would bring a swift end to years of conflict.”
- Mr. Arafat will use a portion of his wealth to pay for gigantic public paintings of his smiling face “which will warm the hearts and calm the minds of the Palestinian people.”

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