Mitt beats Newt and Rick in Florida. What did he get for $15.4 million?
Ron Paul in single digits won’t rule out another option.
Deficit tops $1 trillion: How will Obama stop interest payments from exceeding Medicaid cost?
Obama at auto show says GM takeover is amazing success story.
NASA knows who causes global warming: announces new zero-emissions rocket.
Plus, [...]

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Exhausted coverage of Florida’s pre-primary polling, including encouraging news for Ron Paul. Plus, the Senate votes to stop insider trading in…well, the Senate, and the House. And ObamaCare’s complimentary condom commandment spurs rebellion among Catholic charities, hospitals and universities, while HHS Secy. Sebelius echoes Hillary Clinton.

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-Domestic supply of leftist news networks exhausted, GOP candidates go offshore to debate. Who will ask questions?
-GDP lags expectations, but how is that calculated and why is it Bush’s fault?
-Hillary Clinton is done with politics, hints at future plans.
-Students restrained at Paterno funeral.
-Demi Moore rushed to ER after huffing nitrous oxide. Potential permanent damage?
Watch today’s [...]

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Obama “can’t wait” to give the State of the Union address, and he won’t.
Learn how he developed “fair play, fair shot, fair share” slogan.
Which iconic, but bankrupt, American company will he takeover next?
Romney lashes out at Gingrich after Palmetto pounding, but which candidate might go third-party?
USS Lincoln enters Persian Gulf despite Iran’s warning, but what [...]

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Romney desperate after losing Iowa to Santorum, also slams Gingrich for propping up massive job killing scheme. Apple unveils new education tools, and NEA starts organizing. GM tops Toyota in sales, and Obama says unions need only one thing to keep American on top. Plus, images of monkey thought to be extinct. News fairly unbalanced. [...]

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WikiPedia goes dark in protest. What will poor college students do?
Obama’s alternative to internet regulation — lookout below pirates!
Obama names Bainie as new OMB chief, sends Kerry to slam Romney.
Why Gov. Scott Walker must recalled, and…
How the White House and First Lady greeted Occupy Protesters.
All of this, with rich, simulated sincerity, in today’s PJ News [...]

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Did attacks on Romney backfire as part of secret conspiracy? Are you following Michelle Obama on Twitter? Will the Tebow-Brady matchup break ratings record? And what about the Taliban’s moral outrage over the Marine urination scandal? If you’re looking for serious answers…well…at least you’ll get a serious face. Today’s episode of my satirical newscast.

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