(2002-07-18) — In light of recent research suggesting three cups of coffee daily may prevent dementia, the coffee industry plans to reprise an old ad campaign. The ads, run in the 1980s, contained the lines Coffee calms you down and picks you up. It gives you the serenity to dream it and the vitality to do it.
To capitalize on the new scientific findings, the ads will be edited to say:
Coffee calms you down, and picks you up and keeps you from going starking-raving nuts.
It gives you the serenity to dream it, the vitality to do it and the capacity to remember it later when your grandkids ask you about it.
Industry marketing gurus were in deep-focus groups and unable to return our calls as this story went online.

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