(2003-04-29) — Academics around the nation began a wave of protests against belt-tightening in state and federal education budgets, saying the funding cuts would threaten America’s most valuable intellectual pursuit — high school football.
Thousands of government-funded football franchises nationwide could shut down, shattering the dreams of parents who now live vicariously through the athletic accomplishments of their children.
“Every citizen in America has an obligation to maintain tax-funded sports programs,” said an unnamed spokesman for the National Education Association. “If high school football is cut, men who would never have otherwise been hired to teach will lose their jobs. These are America’s intellectual needy. And they coach teams of boys who often couldn’t get into college if it weren’t for their gridiron performance.”
With tears in his eyes, the NEA spokesman painted a tragic picture of small towns without tax-funded “State Champ” billboards, and forlorn young people who would never again shake government-issue pom-poms and holler, “We got spirit. Yes we do. We got spirit. How ’bout you?”

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