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Hillary Clinton Quits White House Race, Endorses Prozac

by Scott Ott for ScrappleFace · 46 Comments · · Print This Story Print This Story

(2008-03-31) — Ending weeks of speculation, Sen. Hillary Clinton today pulled out of the race for the Democrat presidential nomination, and announced she would endorse Prozac, a prescription drug used to combat depression and obsessive compulsive disorder among other conditions.

The New York senator, who launched her White House bid claiming that she didn’t want to start a campaign “but a conversation” that she was “in to win”, this morning said abruptly: “This conversation is over. I win.”

The former presumptive front runner then promptly inked a $7.9 million deal with Eli Lilly to become the national poster-woman for its flagship antidepressant drug.

A spokesman for the pharmaceutical company said, “If Prozac can keep Hillary Clinton on an even keel after the shattering of her life’s ambition and manifest destiny, think what it can do for those of us who are just feeling a little blue.”

Asked if she would eventually endorse presidential rival Sen. Barack Obama, she said, “With my Prozac contract, we’ve established the benchmark price for all future endorsements. That said, I’d be glad to back Barack for the good of the party, and of the nation.”

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Tags: Politics

46 responses so far ↓

  • 1 RedPepper // Mar 31, 2008 at 7:14 am

    About time !

    I was starting to anticipate that I’d turn on the TV for the morning news and learn that she had shown up at Barack’s hotel room at 3 am with a chainsaw and a hockey goalie’s mask …

  • 2 onlineanalyst // Mar 31, 2008 at 7:31 am

    Ah! Madame Hillary! will institutionalize national health care via the Prozac Nation Plan.

  • 3 Ms RightWing, Ink // Mar 31, 2008 at 7:49 am

    Ahh, and the world is now at peace. All is calm

  • 4 gafisher // Mar 31, 2008 at 8:04 am

    Speaking of “… a little blue,” maybe Mrs. Clinton can do the show circuit with Bob Dole, another failed candidate who wound up pushing drugs. (It seems to me his was also for Election Depression or something like that.)

  • 5 gafisher // Mar 31, 2008 at 8:16 am

    My wife works in the medical profession. A few years ago she told me about a case in which a man whose stomach ulcer was found to be worsening although he wasn’t complaining about it. It turned out the pharmacy had misread his prescription and subsequently refilled it each time with the same incorrect drug. Instead of Prilosec, which limits the production of gastric acid, the man was cheerfully taking a daily dose of Prozac.

    _

  • 6 gafisher // Mar 31, 2008 at 8:20 am

    [Oops -- drop "a case in which" from the above (#5). My meds must not have kicked in yet. :lol: ]

    wv - appeals Prof — says it’s too late to retract.

  • 7 Shelly // Mar 31, 2008 at 8:30 am

    In the end I think this would be a bad move for Eli Lilly. If the prospect of a Hillary presidency goes away, far fewer Americans would need Prozac.

  • 8 Tinman // Mar 31, 2008 at 8:48 am

    Off topic, or maybe on topic.

    http://www.themoviefitna.com/

  • 9 Tinman // Mar 31, 2008 at 8:52 am

    On the movie fitna, #8, scroll down to near the bottom to the second youtube.

  • 10 JamesonLewis3rd // Mar 31, 2008 at 9:09 am

    1.) BO Lovers everywhere would love to see The Hill & Bill Show go down in history as having buckled-under to Vacuous Antagonism from (Being Played by) a smirking, morally-depraved, anti-American bigot and his Poisonous Pack of Treasonous MSM lapdogs.

    2.) Citizens of Denver: May I suggest you lay in a supply of fire extinguishers? I predict my prediction of the widespread fallout of volcanic ash over the city, come late August, will be validated.

    3.) It’s not even funny: The Democrat Party can’t even follow its own rules, yet they would like Americans to think they would actually uphold The Constitution and The Bill of Rights (at least, that’s what I would like to think is The Standard [for Elected Federal Officials, at least] shared among my fellow Patriotic Americans).
    Thank you

  • 11 Maggie // Mar 31, 2008 at 9:34 am

    McCain is looking better all the time. Speaking of time…….The nurse is here with my Prozac.

  • 12 RedPepper // Mar 31, 2008 at 9:42 am

    Oooops …

    A German town is subsiding after authorities drilled underground to harness “green” energy.

    Staufen, in the Black Forest, was proud of its innovative geothermal power plan that was supposed to provide environmentally-friendly heating.

    But only two weeks after contractors drilled down 460ft to extract heat, large cracks have appeared in buildings as the town centre has subsided about a third of an inch (8mm).

  • 13 gafisher // Mar 31, 2008 at 10:08 am

    RedPepper Re#12: Iceland has done well with geothermal, but they depend on heat that already vents to the surface. Popping the bubble of a superheated subterranean lake beneath the city center somehow seems somewhat reckless …

    Speaking of goony greenies, I got a good laugh a few days ago from an ad placed by a proud greenie who wanted to give away the 40 incandescent light bulbs she’d dutifully replaced with corkscrew ccf lamps. If she found a willing taker, then instead of 40 lamps leaving their dirty little carbon footprints all over the pristine environment, there are now 80 of them burning, though only 40 are mercury-free.

  • 14 camojack // Mar 31, 2008 at 10:12 am

    Hillary won’t quit until she absolutely, positively has to…and if she somehow becomes President, we’ll ALL need antidepressants.

  • 15 boberinyetagain // Mar 31, 2008 at 10:24 am

    I vote for leaving George in place. It’s his mess both home and abroad, let him show us the way…

    katherine iron, is that a stiff Katherine or a housekeeping suggestion?

  • 16 woodnwheel // Mar 31, 2008 at 10:42 am

    Maggie re. #11: LOL

    RedPepper re. #12: “Oooops” indeed!

  • 17 boberinyetagain // Mar 31, 2008 at 10:49 am

    Once Hillary does withdraw that will get us down to 2 people that shouldn’t get the job. That’ll be nice I guess!

    restored lynbrook, thank goodness, that lynbrook was looking a tad ragged

  • 18 Hawkeye // Mar 31, 2008 at 11:25 am

    Scott, PLEASE! Don’t get me so excited like that. For a minute there, I thought Hillary actually pulled out of the race… Now I’m the one that needs anti-depressants. :wink:

  • 19 Hawkeye // Mar 31, 2008 at 11:30 am

    Hillary said… I’d be glad to back Barack. Watch your back Obama! :smile:

  • 20 mig // Mar 31, 2008 at 11:56 am

    I would be very depressed and need prozac. I just joined Operation Chaos and can’t wait to throw my vote to Hill at the primary here. It is about the only thing that I find exciting about this election cycle.

    Mass shouted: must be Tridetine!

  • 21 onlineanalyst // Mar 31, 2008 at 12:17 pm

    Go for it, mig! Somebody has to counterbalance that tingle down Chrissie Matthew’s leg everytime he thinks of N’Obama.

    Will you be throwing away some good down-ticket Republicans with this crossoever though?

    Actually, boberin, I could very much support another Bush run, but he’s probably fed up with the sniping. You won’t know how good you had it if either of the Dhimmi contenders becomes CIC.

    Today, supposedly was the last day of N’Obama’s grand plan to withdraw our troops. Hmmm… no successful squelching of AlQaeda via the surge nor a Malaki’s sitting on Sadr in Basra. (How well did British drawdown work in quelling Basra BTW?)

    Madame Hillary has some bandaid solutions to the credit/mortgage problem that would have long-term, fiscally damaging unintended consequences to our economy. The shrew is always good for a second-guessing, populist massaging soundbite, of course.

    N’Obama has the black liberation theology bigots in his corner. (Don’t you just love identity politics?)

    WV: Henry husband- He liked the role so much that he took six wives. The Muslim off-with-their heads approach worked well for the fat man.)

  • 22 JamesonLewis3rd // Mar 31, 2008 at 12:52 pm

    FWIW
    ~~~~~
    Hypothetical Query: If he were to somehow jump into the Fray of 2008, would I [me, JL3rd] (without compunction) re-vote for President George W. Bush!?!

    Vehement Answer: Yes! in a nano-second…..

  • 23 boberinyetagain // Mar 31, 2008 at 1:11 pm

    JL3, good to know that your meds have taken full effect.
    But, he’d be welcome to it.

    negative when…now’s as good a time as any but not as good as it willb e shortly

  • 24 woodnwheel // Mar 31, 2008 at 1:12 pm

    onlineanalyst re. #21:
    Today, supposedly was the last day of N’Obama’s grand plan to withdraw our troops. Hmmm… no successful squelching of AlQaeda via the surge nor a Malaki’s sitting on Sadr in Basra. (How well did British drawdown work in quelling Basra BTW?)

    Based on your comment, you might be interested in this commentary from the Mail on Sunday. Good reading.

  • 25 prettyold // Mar 31, 2008 at 1:27 pm

    If either Hillary or Barack win Eli Lilly will have to come out with a new product ,an “Antipresident” .
    They can call it Conzac.

    cent skinsWhat both Dems will take from you.

  • 26 Possumtrot // Mar 31, 2008 at 1:55 pm

    Hillary? Prozac?

    I can’t stop laughing.

    I took a dose of Prozac just once in my abbreviated life. It was the creepiest thing I ever swallowed, LSD notwithstanding.

    I know this is satire, but would we really want a commander-in-chief who might be inclined to ingest some of this stuff?

    I know Hilly will declare war with a clear head. Osama Bamalama won’t declare war on anyone.

  • 27 onlineanalyst // Mar 31, 2008 at 2:04 pm

    Good link, woodnwheel.

    The problem with appeasers vis a vis the ME is that, as Osama bin Laden himself said, the ME mind disdains the weak horse. Muslim hegemony was driven back at the Gates of Vienna through will and superior warfare by the West. If this lesson has been forgotten by Eurabia, then our days are numbered.

    WV: aluminum afternoon- Is this a descriptor of having a few beers after cutting the grass?

  • 28 Fred Sinclair // Mar 31, 2008 at 2:09 pm

    gafisher #13 - 80 Light bulbs?

    Living alone and in a wheelchair, I have a buyer that does all of my shopping. Recently I intended to stock up on a few lightbulbs to add to my cache.

    My shopping list included “two dozen (24) 60 watt lightbulbs”. She filled the list (as usual) perfectly. (with one slight untended slip - she was so embarrassed) she counted carefully not knowing that each unit contained 4 bulbs - so with them going off the shelves soon, my cache contains 96 incandescent lightbulbs and I’m all lit up about it.

    At my age that amounts to a lifetime supply. Or if I should live so long, by the time the last one is gone Algore and his cohorts will be in prison; their hoax, scheme, con-job, swindle, etc. having been exposed. And they will again be on the shelves.

    Heirborn Ranger

  • 29 Fred Sinclair // Mar 31, 2008 at 2:34 pm

    Possomtrot #26 - B. Hussain Obama is already at war, a war declared long ago when he first entered politics.

    Back in the good old days of McCarthy, with the terminology of the day, Joe would have identified him as one who is buried really deep.

    The really good operatives who are deep buried moles often are later exposed as your next door neighbor, your father-in-law, your boss at work or even, yes, your wife.

    Moles tend to be highly trained and mostly are very good at what they do. It’s no small wonder that B. Hussein Obama’s strongest supporters are the Islamofascist.

    To witness the grandest party in history, if he should win the election, tune into the msm around the world, as multi-millions in the mid-East go berserk. Drunk, not with alcohol, but with joy. Of course most of our local libbers will be joining them in the revelry but for a different reason.

    Heirborn Ranger

  • 30 boberinyetagain // Mar 31, 2008 at 3:32 pm

    For Gia’s sake people. OK, OK, OK, let’s say “global warming” is a total hoax/scam/completely wrong. Can we agree on that but continue the discussion all the same please?
    We can’t breath greenhouse gasses! Why are y’all so dead set against the initiative to lessen them?
    Let’s review…we can’t breath greenhouse gasses! Have you got that? If we continue to fill the available atmosphere with them our grandkids won’t be able to breath properly at all.
    Isn’t that enough reason to at least discuss possibly, maybe, perhaps considering, just considering, bringing down the levels?

    Talk about having your heads where the moon don’t shine…

    ready combat…yes, yes we are. Are we ready for peace?

  • 31 boberinyetagain // Mar 31, 2008 at 3:59 pm

    And, one “answer” we’ve employed is burning food. Guess what that’s causing? Check your local paper, there might be a story about it. Better yet, check your grocery store…

    pennies raise…was far less than she had hoped, surprise!

  • 32 Fred Sinclair // Mar 31, 2008 at 5:12 pm

    Very, very interesting, B. Hussein Obama is competing for the Presidential nomination by the Democrat National Party. The same man who was for twenty years preached to and counseled by Jeremiah Wright his admitted mentor; who I’m sure took his mentorship seriously. ˈmenËŒtôr; -tÉ™r|
    noun
    an experienced and trusted adviser : he was her friend and mentor until his death in 1915.
    • an experienced person in a company, college, or school who trains and counsels new employees or students.
    verb [ trans. ]
    to advise or train (someone, esp. a younger colleague).
    DERIVATIVES
    mentorship |-ˌ sh ip| noun
    ORIGIN mid 18th cent.: via French and Latin from Greek Mentōr, the name of the adviser of the young Telemachus in Homer’s Odyssey.

    I pray to God that this B. Hussein Obama, who has been schooled and trained in hate, will never be elected. I’m no prophet but I venture, that if elected, he will do everything possible to become to America, what J. Edgar Hoover was to the FBI, a dictator, controlling everything and everybody.

    Heirborn Ranger

  • 33 Fred Sinclair // Mar 31, 2008 at 5:27 pm

    I read an article about mankind’s contribution to the air we breathe. He admitted that we do in fact add pollution to the air. An amount equal to one dirty grain of sand to all of the world’s beaches or a shot glass of Kool-Aid to all of the world’s oceans. i.e. not much

    Heirborn Ranger

  • 34 prettyold // Mar 31, 2008 at 6:22 pm

    Yes all you dumbies out there who own Greenhouses , Don’t you iknow you are killing yourself every time you walk into that Gas chamber ?That stuff the plants give off, that carbon dioxide is Poison to people,just as the oxygen people breathe kills the plants . Remember ,people we can’t eat poison plants,and every time we get out that H2O,we are killing that Ocean ,and all the little fishies .Whine whine Boo boo Hooooo.
    OOOOOhhh
    We can’t breathe Carbon Dioxide ,but plants can and do ,and plants give off Oxygen.Amazingly, this has worked just fine for thousands of years,and Algore wasn’t even around to tell us all what to think and do.Wow.

  • 35 JamesonLewis3rd // Mar 31, 2008 at 6:25 pm

    Just so long as they don’t get rid of all of those mouth-watering, tender, juicy Porterhouse Steaks, grazing serenely hither and yon throughout the Western Hemisphere, emitting various aromatic elements into the Atmospheric Miasma of Deathâ„¢.

  • 36 Darthmeister // Mar 31, 2008 at 7:46 pm

    From the Politico blog:

    During his first run for elected office, Barack Obama played a greater role than his aides now acknowledge in crafting liberal stands on gun control, the death penalty and abortion– positions that appear at odds with the more moderate image he’s projected during his presidential campaign.

    The evidence comes from an amended version of an Illinois voter group’s detailed questionnaire, filed under his name during his 1996 bid for a state Senate seat.

    Late last year, in response to a Politico story about Obama’s answers to the original questionnaire, his aides said he “never saw or approved” the questionnaire.

    They asserted the responses were filled out by a campaign aide who “unintentionally mischaracterize(d) his position.”

    But a Politico examination determined that Obama was actually interviewed about the issues on the questionnaire by the liberal Chicago non-profit group that issued it. And it found that Obama – the day after sitting for the interview – filed an amended version of the questionnaire, which appears to contain Obama’s own handwritten notes adding to one answer.

    Obama originally blamed a staffers for mishandling the questionaire and “mischaracterizing my position”.

    It’s interesting Barack Hussein Obama runs away from the label “liberal” despite the fact the National Journal documented his Senatorial voting record (as scanty as it is) showing him as the #1 liberal in the Senate. It’s also interesting to note Obama’s disturbing tendency to scapegoat his own staff rather than take responsibility, something he’s demonstrated on more than one occasion. He could say he’s changed his mind on issues as he’s dealt with them in more detail but he doesn’t avail himself of that out, preferring instead to hem and haw his way around an issue … like the not so good “Reverend” Wright”. Real presidential material there. Does Prozacâ„¢ help people suffering multiple personality disorders?

  • 37 prettyold // Mar 31, 2008 at 7:50 pm

    Sometimes ,All I need is the air that I breathe and a nice Pork tenderloin sandwich.Don’t forget all those little Porkers out there,They add a lot of …aroma.Keep those flowers blooming.

    relief football Gonna have to be Aaron.

  • 38 JamesonLewis3rd // Mar 31, 2008 at 7:54 pm

    “O Lord, forgive the hardness of my heart, that I can see such insufferable folly among reasonable creatures, and so weakly lament this folly! Good Lord, forgive the lack of compassion in me, who can stand and see this foolishness in the world, as if the most of men had lost their wits, and were quite beside themselves; and yet my affections yearn no more toward immortal souls who are going to unseen miseries in the eternal world! To see foolish men busy in doing things that tend to no account; to see men who have reason-to use it not for God and Christ and their own eternal good; to see them love and embrace a present dunghill-world, and cast away all serious, affecting, and effectual thoughts of the life to come; to see them rage against the God of heaven, and cry out against holiness as foolish preciseness, and serious godliness as madness and melancholy.” ~~Thomas Doolittle, 1630-1707

  • 39 prettyold // Mar 31, 2008 at 8:00 pm

    Well I guess Barack Hussein Obama’s aides mesed up again . The Kennedy family donated 100,000 in 1959,when John Kennedy was President to bring Barack Obama,Sr. ,and a bunch of other Africans ,to the Us to go to College.
    WRONG!
    Ike was still President in 1959,and the Kennedy’s didn’t donate to that cause until later.
    Barack had better take a page from Hillary’s book and stop paying Health Insurance for his Staff.
    Could it just be thaat BO is just a Liar?

  • 40 Darthmeister // Mar 31, 2008 at 8:28 pm

    bober, you’re the first I’ve heard to claim greenhouse gasses are a threat to our respiratory system. Hate to rain on your parade, but you’ve been breathing greenhouse gases with every breath you take as long as you’ve been alive!

    If you’re suggesting that man will so pollute the earth’s atmosphere with carbon emissions, methane, whatnot, that we’ll have trouble breathing … BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Water vapor is by far the largest greenhouse “gas” and solar activity is most responsible for increasing water vapor in the atmosphere. Global warming charlatans have tried to save face given this latest discovery and now say that increased carbon increases water vapor blah, blah, blah. A classic example of circular reasoning. Fortunately, given the kind of climate systems Earth has, it appears that water vapor/rain could be a safety valve, a negative feedback loop. In essence it acts as an air conditioner by removing heat from the atmosphere. As it stands right now, the oceans are actually cooler than predicted by those flawed “global warming models”.

    And since you’re such a media tool, bober, check these two links out here and here. Hey, two lamestream news sources have given you the latest scientific updates SO IT MUST BE TRUE.

    Also, here is more research which challenges the basic global warming equation. The new equation apparently accounts for global warming on Mars … and the last time I checked there were no humans or evil SUVs on that planet, except maybe for some of bober’s distant primordial cousins.

  • 41 gafisher // Mar 31, 2008 at 9:00 pm

    Darth, it’s a noble but hopeless effort; when someone says (#30) “… global warming is a total hoax/scam/completely wrong” but then adds “Can we agree on that but continue the discussion all the same please? it’s clear they’ve been overcome by Gore-gas and rational arguments are a waste of time. Anyone who concedes the argument but wants to continue arguing anyway has excused themselves from the realm of intelligent discussion.

    Your points are correct, of course, both regarding “Greenhouse Gasses” and so-called (though lately hedged) “Global Warming,” but it’s obviously a religious rather than a scientific issue for the adherents.

    wv - No grudgingly - Al Gore’s answer when John Coleman’s lawyer asks if his “Inconvenient Truth” is “Truth” at all.

  • 42 mindknumbed kid // Mar 31, 2008 at 9:58 pm

    re#40 - When I fart my family insists that they will not survive, they can’t breathe the gases, but they are still alive. God is still in control, there is no reason to believe or no evidence to suggest that he is fixin’ to lose control of things. All life is given only by his permission, man’s greatest challenge is to be able to trust God, it is not easy, even though he is completely capable and up to the task.

  • 43 vittles scooper // Mar 31, 2008 at 10:00 pm

    Somebody just sent me this video of an elephant on YouTube painting!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=He7Ge7Sogrk&eurl=http://drewsburiedtreasures.blogspot.com/2008/03/meet-babar-ross.html

  • 44 RedPepper // Apr 1, 2008 at 5:48 am

    Darthmeister #36: Is Obama even capable of giving a candid & truthful answer to a question? One thing’s for sure - the MSM has no interest in finding out!

    Here are a few more questions the “chattering class” will never ask Barack …

  • 45 JamesonLewis3rd // Apr 1, 2008 at 7:23 am

    I assert that,
    If asked those questions:

    BO would Permeate the room…..
    with Victim Cologne…..
    but it won’t camouflage the stench of Willful Ignorance, Bigotry, Anti-Americanism, Moral Depravity or any of the Plethora of Putrid Poisons radiating from his every Pore.
    [cough]
    :shock:
    p—u

  • 46 Fun Around the Blogosphere « The Next Reformation // Apr 1, 2008 at 5:46 pm

    [...] Hillary Clinton Quits White House Race, Endorses Prozac [...]

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