(2007-09-20) — Vice President Dick Cheney, responding to Sen. Hillary Clinton’s reference to him as “Darth Vader,” this morning addressed the Democrat presidential hopeful saying: “Hillary, I am your father.”
“Before I turned to what you call ‘the dark side’,” Mr. Cheney explained, “I was once like you, Sen. Clinton. I had hopes and dreams that good could triumph over evil through the force of government regulation. But then my eyes were opened to the true source of power — freedom — and my lust for that power has driven me since that day.”
Mr. Cheney said he would try to persuade Sen. Clinton to cross over to his side, but that “ultimately, the only way for freedom to prevail is for its opponents to be defeated.”
A spokesman for Mrs. Clinton said the senator “would never turn, but would continue to use the force of government to protect people from the evils of capitalism, the dangers of liberty, and the devastating consequences of a rigid interpretation of the Constitution.”
80 responses so far ↓
1 ACHefty // Sep 20, 2007 at 8:53 am
I can hear the labored mechanical breathing now….
2 Ms RightWing, Ink // Sep 20, 2007 at 8:55 am
He should use a C-Pap machine when he sleeps
3 Ms RightWing, Ink // Sep 20, 2007 at 8:55 am
push
4 Roguet55 // Sep 20, 2007 at 9:02 am
I can only hope someday it will happen!
BUT…once they see the Gov. largese, the dole and the free programs, it’s hard to be persuaded back into the light!
5 camojack // Sep 20, 2007 at 9:03 am
Who’s yer daddy?
6 Just Ranting // Sep 20, 2007 at 9:08 am
I knew Princess Leia. Pricess Leia was a friend of mine. You, Hillary Clinton, are no Princess Leia. - Lord Prince Dennis Kucinich of Moonbat9
7 Anonymous // Sep 20, 2007 at 9:35 am
I guess that makes her “Jabba the Hut” ??
8 da Bunny // Sep 20, 2007 at 9:35 am
“Darth Cheney” can’t be Hillary’s father. Hillary’s father is the “Father of Lies,” Satan, himself.
9 JamesonLewis3rd // Sep 20, 2007 at 9:48 am
All right!
President Bush comes out swinging!
Yes!
10 JamesonLewis3rd // Sep 20, 2007 at 10:03 am
This may be only time I have ever wished that I lived in or near NYC (no offense meant to New Yorkers-I just don’t like the weather up there).
11 beekabok2 // Sep 20, 2007 at 10:03 am
RE:7 How insulting of you! I believe you owe Mr. Hut an apology.
12 JamesonLewis3rd // Sep 20, 2007 at 10:03 am
Hello?
13 beekabok2 // Sep 20, 2007 at 10:04 am
push
14 its-just-me // Sep 20, 2007 at 10:04 am
…Shouldn’t that be a “spokespersyn” for Clinton?
15 Libby Gone // Sep 20, 2007 at 10:08 am
A long time ago
In a democracy far far away………
16 JamesonLewis3rd // Sep 20, 2007 at 10:14 am
Check.
17 its-just-me // Sep 20, 2007 at 10:15 am
Jeepers, and who would want to see her in Princess Leia’s slave costume?
18 Maggie // Sep 20, 2007 at 10:31 am
I thought “the baby daddy” was Sir Edmond Hillary.
OT… do you think Hillary can see her reflection in the mirror?
19 its-just-me // Sep 20, 2007 at 10:52 am
Would somebody please feed the dog?
He keeps eating my posts.
20 beekabok2 // Sep 20, 2007 at 11:02 am
PPPPUUUUSSSSHHHH!!!!!!!
21 Scott Ott // Sep 20, 2007 at 11:13 am
[Editor’s Note: The vast IT staff at ScrappleFace has triumphantly succeeded in restoring and improving three beloved features of America’s Satire News Site, as well as adding two new features.
Under each ScrappleFace story, you now see a “Read Comments” link that includes the number of comments thusfar posted. This invaluable feature comes in response to a mandate from the Americans with Disabilities Act to make the comments section more accessible to people who can’t count.
Also under each story you will find a link to ‘Print This Story’ which now takes you to a much cleaner looking page, suitable for printing, framing and preserving in perpetuity. (Perpetuity is available from your local grocer or pharmacist as a pine-scented fluid or creamy balm.)
Finally, under each story you will find a link to ‘Email This Story’, which allows you to send a linked headline to a friend (or to a few friends, or to the hosts of your local talk radio program, or to the FBI for their ScrappleFace dossier.) ScrappleFace has always displayed such a link, but since July 27, 2007, its main function was to produce a PHP error message, comprehensible to only those who live on Pixie Stix and Mountain Dew and who speak in algorithm.
The two new features are both designed to deepen your understanding of the issues that shape our society:
1) Categorized headlines in the right margin of each page to allow easy access to more ScrappleFace News.
2) “On Topic” links under each story to take you to other news handpicked for your enjoyment by a faceless, random algorithm.
Each of these revolutionary changes will make your breath fresher, your hair thicker, your investments more fruitful and will guarantee you a good night’s sleep.
Thank you for graciously bearing with us during these times of tumultuous change, or at least for keeping your grumbling to yourself. Be assured that we not only care about your concerns, but that we always respond when we’re good and ready.]
22 Just Ranting // Sep 20, 2007 at 11:33 am
MMMMMMMMmmmmmmmm more hair…Gotta get me some of that perpetooty stuff.
23 boberinyetagain // Sep 20, 2007 at 11:34 am
grumble….
Funny main story, funnier “side” story Mr Ott!
Hey gang
24 Just Ranting // Sep 20, 2007 at 11:34 am
.
25 boberinyetagain // Sep 20, 2007 at 11:36 am
I’m just on a major negative roll this week. My posts show up…as Scott has alluded…when they are good and ready
sigh…:(
26 its-just-me // Sep 20, 2007 at 12:12 pm
Re: #21 Does this mean you’ve fed the dog?
27 JamesonLewis3rd // Sep 20, 2007 at 12:14 pm
Here’s another article on that scumbag going to Ground Zero with a couple of very scary possible motives for that piece of filth.
I’d ring that place with troops and just dare that punk.
28 JamesonLewis3rd // Sep 20, 2007 at 12:15 pm
Yoo-Hoo…..
29 JamesonLewis3rd // Sep 20, 2007 at 12:15 pm
Test, test.
30 JamesonLewis3rd // Sep 20, 2007 at 12:16 pm
Looking…..
31 JamesonLewis3rd // Sep 20, 2007 at 12:16 pm
Looking for my comment…..
32 JamesonLewis3rd // Sep 20, 2007 at 12:17 pm
Comment.
33 JamesonLewis3rd // Sep 20, 2007 at 12:18 pm
Still looking…..
34 JamesonLewis3rd // Sep 20, 2007 at 12:18 pm
Futile.
35 tomg // Sep 20, 2007 at 12:22 pm
Cassandra just shut down.
You may wish to wish her well.
http://www.villainouscompany.com/vcblog/
36 its-just-me // Sep 20, 2007 at 12:26 pm
…Guess not.
37 tomg // Sep 20, 2007 at 12:33 pm
2nd try….
Cassandra is saying goodbye today.
http://www.villainouscompany.com/vcblog/
Some of you may wish to say something nice
38 mig // Sep 20, 2007 at 12:40 pm
Whose Yoda?
39 its-just-me // Sep 20, 2007 at 12:41 pm
On a side note, there’s a state “women’s conference” coming up, featuring Anita Hill.
15 minutes of fame as a victim, and suddenly she’s an inspirational speaker?
40 EXT // Sep 20, 2007 at 12:50 pm
Nicest change I’ve noticed in the site is the incredibly improved speed of loading!
Whatever you did, Scott, it’s most appreciated!
41 JamesonLewis3rd // Sep 20, 2007 at 1:08 pm
Check out Tryphorgetin — The DNC’s Latest Drug.
42 JamesonLewis3rd // Sep 20, 2007 at 1:08 pm
Oomph!
43 Fred Sinclair // Sep 20, 2007 at 1:17 pm
On another note (off topic) -
From DRUDGE today………..
“Gore charges $25,000 per person for meet-and-greet in Australia…”
I THINK THIS IS A WONDERFUL IDEA! Algore PREACHING HIS GOSPEL OF “MANMADE” GLOBAL WARMING! I’M ALL FOR IT AND IF HE WANTS TO COME AND MEET-AND-GREET WITH ME; FOR $25,000.00 I’LL WELCOME HIM WITH HIS CASH IN HAND, NO CHECKS PLEASE. I’M DEFINITELY A BETTER MAN THAN HIM (I’m a Conservative and of course any Conservative is better than him) BUT I’LL STICK TO HIS PRICE AND NOT CHARGE HIM MORE THAN HE CHARGES.
NORMALLY AUSTRALIANS ARE PRETTY SMART, SO I DOUBT THERE WILL BE MORE THAN ONE PERSON THAT SHOWS UP FOR HIS “MEET-AND-GREET AND EVEN THAT - ONLY AFTER THE OTHER 24 LIBERALS IN AUSTRALIA PUT UP $1,000.00 EACH TO FINANCE HIS/HER TRIP.
HEIRBORN RANGER
44 Moonage Political Webdream » Blog Archive » Princess Hillary gets owned by Darth Cheney // Sep 20, 2007 at 1:30 pm
[…] Scrappleface, that’s Scott Ott in disguise, ran another one of their better satires on American politics. I’m going to violate Scott in the most horrid manner possible by just posting the whole thing here. I have to, because it leads to even more horrid things later. Here goes: (2007-09-20) — Vice President Dick Cheney, responding to Sen. Hillary Clinton’s reference to him… […]
45 Ms RightWing, Ink // Sep 20, 2007 at 1:40 pm
What Star War movie is Hillary in??
46 Ms RightWing, Ink // Sep 20, 2007 at 1:41 pm
no mote push-now it is time to tug
47 Ms RightWing, Ink // Sep 20, 2007 at 1:42 pm
er. more not mote-but hey, who cares
48 tomg // Sep 20, 2007 at 1:59 pm
Cassandra is saying goodbye
http://www.villainouscompany.com/vcblog/
You may want to wish her well
49 boberinyetagain // Sep 20, 2007 at 2:02 pm
This used to work but I just can’t crack the code this week.
I know y’all are deeply sympathetic
50 woodnwheel // Sep 20, 2007 at 2:30 pm
its-just-me: re. #17: Thanks for the wonderful mental image… Pardon me while I go pour sulfuric acid on my eyes…
51 woodnwheel // Sep 20, 2007 at 2:30 pm
Wait, what good would it do to pour sulfuric acid on my eyes? Whatever, nevermind…
52 Scott Ott // Sep 20, 2007 at 2:42 pm
[Editor’s Note: If you can read this within minutes of 3:41 p.m. eastern time, the comment delay problem may have been resolved.]
53 JamesonLewis3rd // Sep 20, 2007 at 3:16 pm
Okay, let’s try it…..
54 boberinyetagain // Sep 20, 2007 at 3:17 pm
What delay problem?
55 boberinyetagain // Sep 20, 2007 at 3:17 pm
56 boberinyetagain // Sep 20, 2007 at 3:18 pm
Nice work yet again, one improvement after another, the man is amazing!
57 MargeinMI // Sep 20, 2007 at 3:20 pm
Is it safe?
58 MargeinMI // Sep 20, 2007 at 3:22 pm
Yay!
I know, wrong movie, but I’d rather have my teeth drilled by Larry Olivier than vote for Shrillary!
59 JamesonLewis3rd // Sep 20, 2007 at 3:32 pm
Scott~~
I just glommed the date on the SiteMeter…..
Been here 5 years, eh?
Happy Anniversary!
ScrappleFace is, undoubtedly, one of the best “finds” I’ve made in my 15 years on the Internet.
60 boberinyetagain // Sep 20, 2007 at 3:35 pm
I had no idea! Happy anniversary Scott.
61 Deerslayer // Sep 20, 2007 at 4:06 pm
Let me see..first Gore invented the internet. Then Scott came along and made it a billion times better…
62 Shelly // Sep 20, 2007 at 6:45 pm
As one who didn’t get enough sleep last night, I can’t tell you all how happy I am about the changes here. Is Scott thoughtful or what? I just hope I don’t have a dream where Hillary keeps opening her mouth and all that comes out is the sound of the Wookie. (sp?)
63 Ms RightWing, Ink // Sep 20, 2007 at 7:23 pm
Okay, the stopwatch is set. One, two, three-go.
64 Ms RightWing, Ink // Sep 20, 2007 at 7:24 pm
Well, I’ll be. I hate to say it but being a blog bug, I suffered heart palpitations when the comments never appeared.
I know, get a life. sigh.
65 SnakeDoctor // Sep 20, 2007 at 7:33 pm
Leave it to Hillary to turn one of the great cinematic villians of all time (slight exaggeration there?) into a good guy. Is there no limit to this womans demonic powers?
It makes me wonder what Bill was really like before he met her. Think about it… Bill’s not a good guy now, he must have been pure evil 40 years ago.
66 camojack // Sep 20, 2007 at 7:52 pm
Leave it to Hillary to turn one of the great cinematic villians of all time (slight exaggeration there?) into a good guy. Is there no limit to this womans demonic powers?
It makes me wonder what Bill was really like before he met her. Think about it… Bill’s not a good guy now, he must have been pure evil 40 years ago.
Comment by SnakeDoctor — September 20, 2007 @ 7:33 pm
Are you trying to imply that he’s not pure evil now?!
67 SGT USMC 1ea // Sep 20, 2007 at 7:57 pm
No Camo
He is not pure evil now. He is too focused on lust to be so. Pure evil would concentrate on the other six deadly sins as well.
68 SnakeDoctor // Sep 20, 2007 at 8:12 pm
Camo re:66,
After putting considerable time (several seconds) and thought (almost none) to your question, I have come to the conclusion that, yes, he is pure evil now, and that 40 years ago he was a member of the satanic trinity. Just kidding Hillary… I’m kidding!!! Put that broom down!! DON’T HIT ME, SIS!!! OWWW, OWWWW!! WHAT’D I DO?!! WHAT’D I DO HON??!!!
69 camojack // Sep 20, 2007 at 8:13 pm
No Camo
He is not pure evil now. He is too focused on lust to be so. Pure evil would concentrate on the other six deadly sins as well.
Comment by SGT USMC 1ea — September 20, 2007 @ 7:57 pm
I beg to differ, brother. He’s got a handle on those as well…
70 camojack // Sep 20, 2007 at 8:17 pm
Camo re:66,
After putting considerable time (several seconds) and thought (almost none) to your question, I have come to the conclusion that, yes, he is pure evil now.
Comment by SnakeDoctor — September 20, 2007 @ 8:12 pm
I daresay that it wouldn’t require much time or thought to reach that conclusion…
71 RedPepper // Sep 20, 2007 at 8:18 pm
Just in case I’m no longer awake and typing at midnight, I’d like to jump right in and pre-emptively wish Scrappleface a very happy 5th birthday.
Keep ‘em coming, Scott!
72 My word // Sep 20, 2007 at 9:18 pm
Let me add my congrats to Scott on his 5th …was that Scotch or Bourbon? In any case…no pun intended…I look forward to many more years of lurking on one of the greatest blogs in the internet universe.
HONK if Hillary scares you!
73 Ms RightWing, Ink // Sep 20, 2007 at 9:44 pm
Am I missing something? I didn’t see any posts about Scrappleface’s 5th birthday but then it has been hard to keep up lately.
I am always trying to figure out how long I have been buzzing around Scrapple. I found it when I lived at my house and I been here for three. I looked at the Way-Back-Machine and found postings before me and I don’t recognize most of the posters. So, I think I have been here for about 4 years and I know Camojack was here before me.
So many have come and gone but I know a lot of them still lurk. Oh well, it is like sands through the hour glass.
74 JamesonLewis3rd // Sep 20, 2007 at 11:02 pm
Ms RightWing, Ink~~
According to the counter at the bottom of the page, September 21, 2002 is when it started counting, so, I sort of jumped the gun with my congrats but I didn’t want to forget.
I’m don’t even know how accurate that date is.
I’ve only “been here” a couple of years, I think, so, if I goofed, I apologize.
~~~~~
The Autumnal Equinox is Sunday at 5:51 A.M. EDT. Goodbye, Summer.
75 Ms RightWing, Ink // Sep 20, 2007 at 11:07 pm
Here is a pill to make you forget Hillary
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XdWqNEboJe4#
76 Ms RightWing, Ink // Sep 20, 2007 at 11:10 pm
JamesonLewis3rd
How observant. I would have never caught that.
77 Ms RightWing, Ink // Sep 21, 2007 at 7:40 am
Hillary makeovers for Halloween $1.95 @ K-mart
78 Maggie // Sep 21, 2007 at 7:47 am
Note to Editor:
I just love your Editor’s notes; sooo…..informatively funny.
79 Just Ranting // Sep 21, 2007 at 8:59 am
Scott,
Congratulations on 5 years of skewering leftists. God bless you and the Scrappleface community you brought together. Scrappleface is on my must read list every day.
BTW, is there a prize for being the Eleventeenth-Million visitor to the site?
80 prettyold // Sep 21, 2007 at 2:26 pm
My daughters took me to see “Wicked ” this past summer. I was so disappointed to find out it wasn’t about Hillary.
Would Darth Vader’s wife be called Marth?
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