(2007-08-18) — Following remarks by a leader of Iran’s Revolutionary Guards that the U.S. faces a heavy “punch” from Iran, the Pentagon has gone on high alert to guard against the possibility that Iran may be ready to deploy so-called “nuclear knuckles.”
“It all adds up,” said one unnamed Pentagon source, “first the clandestine plutonium enrichment program, now the punch threat. They’re not far enough along to have nuclear arms, but they might already have the knuckles.”
Previously, when Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad threatened to wipe Israel off the face of the map, Pentagon officials speculated Iran had perfected the nuclear Swiffer.”
The Bush administration will reportedly soon announce it has added Iran’s Revolutionary Guards to its list of terrorist groups, which experts say, is the diplomatic equivalent of “counting to three” before putting a misbehaving child in “time out.”
Meanwhile, the Pentagon says it will continue to monitor Iran’s threats and nuclear advancements “as long as the Pentagon remains under U.S. control.”
37 responses so far ↓
1 RedPepper // Aug 18, 2007 at 8:03 pm
Time to begin carpet bombing …
… with pickled pig’s feet !
2 JamesonLewis3rd // Aug 18, 2007 at 8:07 pm
God Bless America
3 Maggie // Aug 18, 2007 at 8:13 pm
We’ll serve yellow cake and punch at this party.
4 Ms RightWing, Ink // Aug 18, 2007 at 9:45 pm
Mohamed Ali later reported to Ahmadinejad that he would float like a butterfly, sting like a bee
5 Darthmeister // Aug 18, 2007 at 9:57 pm
What’s the big fuss? Everyone knows the Iranian government only intends peaceful purposes for their nuclear program. I mean, they told us that themselves.
moonbat mode/off
6 SGT USMC 1ea // Aug 18, 2007 at 10:30 pm
Perhaps they were not referring to “punch the Jewery” but instead to “Punch” and “Judy”. They may be looking to leverage their artistic puppeteering with a portly commedia dell’arte “Pulcinella”.
Jesu est Semper Fidelis
7 conserve-a-tips // Aug 18, 2007 at 11:10 pm
I’m thinkin’ that maybe it’s time to ’spike’ the punch? A little ‘atomic cocktail’ maybe?
Just got in from 3 hours in the emergency room with the hubby who tried to move a computer and dropped it on his leg. Unfortunately, his leg isn’t as strong as the computer and it tore a gash about 4 inches long and all the way down between the two bones and into the muscle. You could see his bones. yuck.
8 Ms RightWing, Ink // Aug 18, 2007 at 11:37 pm
conserve-a-tips
Ouch! I can feel his pain. Prayers and wishes going out to number one hubby. I could say the whole thing doesn’t compute-but I won’t
9 Effeminem // Aug 18, 2007 at 11:53 pm
… And I find myself with a strange desire to test my strength against the computer.
10 camojack // Aug 19, 2007 at 12:33 am
They may find that they’ve brought a knife to a gunfight…
11 gafisher // Aug 19, 2007 at 7:09 am
This may be a cryptic reference to an even greater threat! Nuclear knuckles present a Scylla of the first order, but the hidden Charybdis is Knuckles Nuclear from The Jihadsons. The tag line for the episode involving that prizefighter (likely the “Punch” in the explicit threat) begins “Jane gets fed up with public transportation and decides to take driving lessons*,” an ominous challenge to the future of our beloved Mass Transit.
12 Hawkeye // Aug 19, 2007 at 7:58 am
They’re not far enough along to have nuclear arms, but they might already have the knuckles.
Hahahaha! A classic line Scott if I heard one.
13 JamesonLewis3rd // Aug 19, 2007 at 9:08 am
Yes, and their knuckles are dragging the ground…..
[To any neanderthals out there who will surely be offended by the obligatory association with sociopathic misanthropes: Your therapist is waiting]
…..as they indiscriminately stomp around in random directions-like two red balloons (each with a tiny, spastic, pupil) their wild, carnivorous eyes crackle with blazing lust for hot, innocent blood-the putrid bowls of hell growl incoherently from their vile, stiff-necked throats-their hands, blood-soaked and dripping-their veins bulging with rage-their hideous nostrils compulsively flare/unflare…..
Anyway…..I say, “Punch them before they follow through on their threat to punch you (the necessity is necessarily heightened when they are psychopathic, armed-to-the-teeth, on the loose, calling your name while waving a big, honking sword, et cetera).”
14 Darthmeister // Aug 19, 2007 at 10:08 am
Future generations in what’s left of the free world will look back and wonder why it wasn’t we didn’t sucker punch Iran back to the stone age … which really isn’t that far back for the mullahs.
15 Ms RightWing, Ink // Aug 19, 2007 at 10:08 am
A little glober cooling gaining foothold on the Midwest. Still 59 degrees and likely not going to get much warmer the next few days.
The ice is falling, the ice is falling!
Now back to our regularly scheduled Nuclear Knuckles.
Pig knuckles anyone?
16 Ms RightWing, Ink // Aug 19, 2007 at 10:09 am
conserve-a-tips
Hows hubby?
17 Darthmeister // Aug 19, 2007 at 10:12 am
New Iranian bumperstickers:
Honk If You Love Nuclear Knuckles
You Can’t Hug Your Kids …
Visualize Whirled Sharia
My Mullah Can Beat Up Your Mullah
My Jihadist Son Just Beheaded Your Honor Roll Student
18 conserve-a-tips // Aug 19, 2007 at 11:03 am
Ms Rightwing, Ink: Stubborn!! He is not supposed to be off the couch because the muscles that were cut had to be sewn up inside and then the skin was sewed. Therefore, no flexing of the foot, ie, no walking! We have had 10″ of rain in the past several hours and so the garage flooded. Guess where I found him? Yep, trying to sweep out three inches of water in his bare feet. After my meek little self yelled at the tops of my lungs, he finally went in. He’s in a lot of pain and so doped up and thinking that he can leap tall buildings.
The doctor was a hoot. He had just gotten back this week from Iraq as a medic and was as sweet as could be. But he looked at the leg, and upon finding out the cause said, “Oh, we have a computer bite! No pun intended. Man, you could go all day. You know, ‘Wow, you really got a mega-bite. No, a giga-bite! Hope it doesn’t get a virus.’” We just groaned. He was quite a seamstress and I think that the scar will be pretty, as scars go, that is! The part where I panicked was when I saw the puddle of blood under his foot and blood just squirting. It applied a tournequet (sp?) with a wooden spoon to twist, grabbed a wet towel and asked him if he thought his leg was broken. He said, I’m serious, “No. I can see the bone and it looks like it is together.” I kinda went into panic mode! Thanks for asking.
Oh. And for those who know computers, don’t fear your desktop…this was an Alpha Server out of a rack that had metal plates sticking out of either side for mounting, but that are as sharp as a knife. Effiminem, you’ll lose against one of those everytime!!!
19 Ms RightWing, Ink // Aug 19, 2007 at 1:25 pm
Looks like the latest casualties of the war is the bullet shortage. The United Press has had a field day lately with the news. I saw on e article the other day where they had about a dozen reporters on one story about how the police just don’t have enough bullets.
Now you would think that would make liberals jump for joy-unless they suddenly don’t feel so safe. Ha! What was that saying back in the 60’s about if you don’t like policemen then call a hippie the next time you’re in trouble
20 Ms RightWing, Ink // Aug 19, 2007 at 1:26 pm
Ooops, shoot that loose e. Looks like a trouble maker to me.
21 onlineanalyst // Aug 19, 2007 at 1:50 pm
Well, we responded with alacrity to the Hawaian punch on Pearl Harbor Day. I expect that our response to the Iranian threat will have muscle behind our “diplomatic” endeavors.
Captain Ed reports on some Iranian Red Guard patrols who have “lost” their way into Iraq. (Scroll back from comments.) Perhaps our troops should send a postcard SWAK (sealed with another knuckle?) to their masters?
22 Sysiphus // Aug 19, 2007 at 2:11 pm
Perhaps a nuclear “noogie” is in order here? I mean, is Iran really worth more than that?
Yes, a smart-bomb swirly, a MOAB wedgie, and a nuclear noogie.
23 JamesonLewis3rd // Aug 19, 2007 at 2:22 pm
If I may, while we’re at it, I’d like to pull the trigger on one of those 14
Soviet, er, “Russian” Strategic Bombers on their newly-restored long-range missions.IMHO,
the USSR, er, “Russia” intends to pounce all over the Middle East’s Oil if given the least opportunity, feigned provocation or whatever.It would make for a spectacular submarine battle.
24 Godfrey // Aug 19, 2007 at 3:20 pm
From the “Earth Round” thread:
Effeminem: “The schoolgirls won’t ogle themselves, donchaknow”.
I happen to have a 15-year-old schoolgirl in my house and she ogles herself constantly. I’m thinking of banning mirrors in my home.
Beerme: “Have you considered showing up at the Scrapplefest?”
I think I’d really enjoy that. Unfortunately I have no time at the moment. I barely have time to log on to Scrappleface these days! Perhaps I’ll attend a subsequent Scrapplefest…
Hank re: #57 in the “Earth Round” thread:
“Gravity is just a theory? That’s news to me. Why is it called Newton’s Law of Gravity?”
The phenomenon of gravitation contains both “law” and “theory”. Scientific laws describe how nature will behave under certain conditions whereas theories seek to explain the reason behind that behavior.
The theories of evolution and gravitation both seek to explain the mechanism behind observed phenomena. While of course gravitation is more readily observable than evolution, the effects of evolution can be observed as well.
“…the theory of evolution “remains remarkably intact†because special creation and intelligent design are loathesome alternatives to those philosophically committed to evolutionary dogma.”
Not true. I challenge anyone to show that Intelligent Design has any scientific basis whatsoever. Evolution, on the other hand, has a strong scientific basis. That’s why evolutionary theory is intact, not because scientists consider unsubstantiated magical explanations “loathesome”…although of course they do.
25 JamesonLewis3rd // Aug 19, 2007 at 3:50 pm
Spontaneous Something-From-Nothing
An intriguing concept, eh?
26 Darthmeister // Aug 19, 2007 at 4:23 pm
The science of Intelligent Design.”
More here and here.
Of course you will reject what is being said about ID merely on a philosophical basis, Godfrey. The reason you believe in Evolution and that the “effects of evolution can be observed as well” is because you’re a TRUE BELIEVER!
I don’t see the “effects of evolution” one whit. Rather what I do see is a convenient materialistic/philosophical construct which throws in a lot of nice-sounding “scientific” rhetoric regarding a theory which isn’t truly observable, cannot be repeated in the laboratory, is not predicatable and is utterly unfalsifiable because evolutionary theory can be twisted and nuanced to accomodate just about any kind of pseudo-science mumbo-jumbo for about ten to fifteen years before it too is dumped on the ash heap of history as real science catches up.
It seems to me far too many evolutionary “scientists” merely engage in philosophical canards. They reject competing theories not on the basis of real science but rather because the tenets of those theories don’t fit into the neat little Darwinian box they’ve already constructed and redefined science around.
The “science” community is so desperate to exclude anything but evolutionary dogma in the public arena that they’ve had to resort to judicial rulings by pinhead judges who are ill-equipped to determine what true science is. All that just to maintain their stranglehold on origins wacademia. Sounds like judicial and intellectual tyranny to me, not scientific debate. The harder evolutionists attempt to hold onto their little psuedo-scientific fifedoms the more well-educated, intelligent Americans will rebel against these strongarm anti-intellectual tactics by the “scientific” community and “educators”.
The vast majority of Americans believe in some form of intelligent design or creationism despite the fact they’ve been thoroughly propagandized by the priesthood of evolutionary dogma for the last three generations! I find that remarkable. If evolution was really “observable” and apparent in the every day world, the vast majority of decent, intelligent, educated Americans would believe in random chance, materialistic evolution as you do.
I’ve been on both sides of the fence, Godfrey, and I’m here to tell you that the evolutionary dogma which has been force fed to us and our children by ardent evolutionists through our institutions of mass government education the last eighty or so years is little more than a disgraceful, intellectual hoax. When the vast majority of intellectually honest folk look at reality they see design and they see some kind of creator behind that design, they don’t see the product of random, materialistic evolution.
27 GnuCarSmell // Aug 19, 2007 at 4:26 pm
Sounds like Mahmoud wants to put up his dukes, so to speak. Very well. We may not have any dukes to put up, but I bet we can find a couple of ‘earls.’ Let’s name them ‘Little Boy’ and ‘Fat Man’ and teach the mullahs something about royalty.
28 Effeminem // Aug 19, 2007 at 4:42 pm
Godfrey-
If Dracula had no reflection, why was there a mirror in his castle in the first place?
So when Iran finally does something stupid and gets hit by a massive strategic bombing campaign, will that decapitate the extremist rulers or just make the population hate us more? It would be nice to use “Internal Uprising Plan #43,” but the pro-Western Iranians would have to pull off a well-timed coup to succeed. They don’t have the numbers for a revolution.
Wow, that was the caffeine withdrawal talking. Nevermind.
29 JamesonLewis3rd // Aug 19, 2007 at 5:09 pm
Looking around my hovel, I see that my furniture and stuff are not hovering in mid-air, therefore, I am hereby attesting that, Yes! Gravity is still a Mitigating Force (as it has been since Creation, of course). Now, that’s my kind of Science.
The mirrors Count Dracula encountered were (if I’m not mistaken) installed in the castles of his potential victims, weren’t they?
30 JamesonLewis3rd // Aug 19, 2007 at 5:11 pm
[cough]
31 SGT USMC 1ea // Aug 19, 2007 at 5:49 pm
He who would be God-free,
I have a 17 year old daughter and have 490 years of bad luck from destroying all the mirrors.
I fail to see how you could say “Not true. I challenge anyone to show that Intelligent Design has any scientific basis whatsoever.” ,when there happens to be reams of evidence and facts merely interpreted from a different paradigm ( or religion as Macro-evolution happens to be-accepted on faith, despite your protestations to the contrary). Goo-to-you theory is much lamer than intelligent design on the whole If you ACTUALLY look at both. This is speaking mathematically, genetically and physiologically as far as my limited education has been able to determine. Check out some of Darthmeisters links and actually check the credentials of the scientists involved.
This is not religion against science, it is different interpretations of the same evidence as biased by preconcieved notions. I just happen to form my heuristic on the usually less grant concerned and openly honest ID folks. Heuristics are everything in opinion formulation. Most of us happen to disagree with your “experts” and I doubt you will find many adherents here to the “It is Religion ~vs~ science” argument. It is actually the same scientific method applied to the same evidence with different preconcieved notions that cannot be reconciled.
Deus est Semper Fidelis
32 SGT USMC 1ea // Aug 19, 2007 at 6:08 pm
Man I really did not realize how much I missed doing that. Hey God-Free…How about proving that Jesus was wrong when he said “before Abraham was I Am”. This is obviously a fallacy based upon what we know about the progression of space-time. Chronologically impossible isn’t it. GOD often does the impossible by our standards.
33 The Great Santini // Aug 19, 2007 at 6:24 pm
From the bravado displayed by the IRG mouth organ in the “punch” link, above, it appears that the fuzz-nut mullahs have sprung Baghdad Bob from his Iraqi imprisonment, spirited him to Iran, and given him the nom de guerre Testosterone Tommy of Teheran. That, or they’ve signed the Muslim Rage Boy as their public affairs Raghead.
Alas, Tommy’s bleatings are every bit as tedious and unintentionally slapstick as Bob’s. As Sam Spade said in “The Maltese Falcon” about Wilmer the Gunsel: “The cheaper the crook, the gaudier the patois.”.
Skoalâ„¢, bruthah
34 JamesonLewis3rd // Aug 19, 2007 at 8:49 pm
Yes, I, too, am certain that Almighty God’s “Chronology” differs somewhat from that of the inhabitants of this planet. I consider this to be self-evident and, therefore, an immutable fact.
Bogart handled that line with supernatural finesse-I would never have been able to even begin to recite it without breaking into laughter-such utter perfection in literature and cinematic artistry has become increasingly sparse in the days hence, sad to say.
Dashiell Hammett (1894-1961) , one of a kind, oh, and Raymond Chandler (1888-1959), too-two of a one of a kind.
35 Infidels Are Cool » Blog Archive » Iran’s Nuclear Knuckles // Aug 19, 2007 at 9:38 pm
[...] What I think is interesting is the comments from the Pentagon about Iran’s “nuclear knuckles” via Scrappleface [...]
36 gafisher // Aug 20, 2007 at 7:08 am
Godfrey, Re #24 “Evolution, on the other hand, has a strong scientific basis.”
No; although many (but far from all) who work in the sciences consider evolutionism a plausible explanation for the observed phenomena, evolutionism itself fails the most fundamental qualification of Science. Evolutionism is a belief system.
37 Just Ranting // Aug 20, 2007 at 9:59 am
Mohmoud, to his dismay, may find out what a real atomic wedgie is.
You must log in to post a comment.