(2007-03-08) — Microsoft founder Bill Gates, alarmed that immigration curbs sparked by terrorism threats limit access to talented tech workers from overseas, today said his firm will work with the U.S. government to install “a virtual firewall at the borders that would let the good geeks in and keep the malicious geeks out.”
Mr. Gates offered the resources of Microsoft’s security specialists, many of whom come from foreign countries, to code and deploy the virtual firewall based on the security framework of Windows XP, the best-known operating system among computer security experts.
Tentatively dubbed “MS Gates XP Homeland” the virtual firewall would trigger a series of challenges when an alien tried to enter U.S. territory.
A source at Citizenship & Immigration Services (formerly the INS) said the CIS is grateful for Microsoft’s offer, but early testing of the new system indicates there are “still some bugs to work out.”
“In our drills with MS Gates XP Homeland,” the unnamed source said, “our border guards developed a false sense of security which ultimately led to their positions being overrun by illegal aliens to the extent that the border checkpoints shut down, or in some cases were taken over and operated by the malicious outsiders.”
Microsoft issued 75 security patches on the first day of testing, and suggested that CIS upgrade to MS Gates XP Pro.
61 responses so far ↓
1 Scott Ott // Mar 8, 2007 at 7:09 am
Gates Warns of Geek Shortage, Offers Border Firewall…
by Scott Ott(2007-03-08) — Microsoft founder Bill Gates, alarmed that immigration curbs sparked by terrorism threats limit access to talented tech workers from overseas, today said his firm will work with the U.S. government to install “a virtual…..
2 RedPepper // Mar 8, 2007 at 7:22 am
“False sense of security”, indeed !
3 camojack // Mar 8, 2007 at 7:31 am
Gates crashers?
4 mig // Mar 8, 2007 at 7:54 am
Chief of Border Patrol is McAfee. McAfee is virile, always looking ahead to scan the virtual horizons knocking out meanies and weanies.
5 Anonymous // Mar 8, 2007 at 7:55 am
Funny, where I work we used to post a gov required document stating that a job was open that needed to be filled so “American’s” could fill it — but we NEVER looked for one to fill it.. and even though it could be filled by a US person.. it never did, and instead got filled by a “visa”-ed foreign national that they shipped in.
Since then things have changed…
We laid them all off! Sent them HOME and rehired them for 1/10 the salary (india, china)
(Sometimes THE VERY SAME PERSON!)
Microsoft did the SAME thing
6 CalGirl // Mar 8, 2007 at 7:59 am
How does he come up with this stuff? I especially liked the line “many of whom come from foreign countries.” Classic.
Too funny!
7 Ms RightWing, Ink // Mar 8, 2007 at 8:18 am
Hmm, gatekeepers and stuff. Guess I will go eat breakfast and think this over. Gee, I said the same thing last night. Better start thinking a little faster
Good to say good morning to all again.
8 conserve-a-tips // Mar 8, 2007 at 8:24 am
Y’know, Gates and the rest of the weenies whining about our call for tougher illegal immigration enforcement are full of it. The numbers of legal foreign workers allowed into the US has not changed. All they have to do is get a visa and come to work. The “geeks” with any brains know that and do that. The gripe is with the unskilled illegals who are slipping through the system and living on slave wages in hiding. If Gates is getting his technology brainiacs from the pool of illegals, then something is wrong with his organization. How dumb does he think we are??????
And btw, Scott, I am going to write to my senator and encourage him to appropriate money for the purchase of Norton Systemworks to battle the holes that MS Gates XP Homeland is obviously exhibiting. It’ll put a lock on the Gates.
9 gafisher // Mar 8, 2007 at 8:36 am
If we go for Windows-based border protection I suggest we forget the firewall and electrify a repainted border fence instead. Even illegals know enough to fear the Blue Screen of Death.
10 gafisher // Mar 8, 2007 at 8:38 am
I love speaking with Microsoft employees. There’s just something musical about that “Bangalore Lilt.”
11 JamesonLewis3rd // Mar 8, 2007 at 8:40 am
Most everything Gates said in that article in Financial Times is, well, just plain ignorant-except for this (which I consider the crux of the matter):
“America cannot maintain its innovation leadership if it does not educate world-class innovators and train its workforce to use innovations effectively. Unfortunately, available data suggest that we are failing to do so . . . especially in our high schools.”
12 mig // Mar 8, 2007 at 8:53 am
JL3
Our High Schools are so full of feelings that there is no room for math and science. Our kids are smart enough, its the curriculum that keeps them from reaching their full potential. People think I am crazy because my daughter who is still in middle school has picked a general course for study in college, I looked up the course requirements for 3 different types of schools and then worked backwards to her freshman year of high school so she could take classes that would get her into classes that are required before she graduates. I know that she may change her interests, but it is my job to get her where she wants to go to the best of my ability. I didn’t graduate from college, but I’m not stupid. American kids aren’t stupid, they just aren’t given the best curriculum.
13 mig // Mar 8, 2007 at 9:01 am
And another thing, Affirmative Action takes away initiative. Qualifications aren’t the key. If it isn’t qualifications or ability and it is the color of your skin or your gender that is the determining factor of who gets the job or promotion, then where is the motivation?
14 Jeremy-Gilby-dot-com » Microsoft Gates XP Homeland // Mar 8, 2007 at 9:06 am
[…] Okay, I’ve been bashing Apple/Macintosh a few too many times the past few weeks, so The Editors of Jeremy-Gilby-dot-com thought the readers of Jeremy-Gilby-dot-com would appreciate this article we found on Scrappleface. Gates Warns of Geek Shortage, Offers Border Firewall by Scott Ott […]
15 Darthmeister // Mar 8, 2007 at 9:11 am
I’m virtually convinced this might work. But I wonder how many patches it will take to make this thing work as advertised?
Dang
GreeksGeeks.16 Shelly // Mar 8, 2007 at 9:12 am
RE: 13, if we want to give a leg up to students in this country it should be based on financial need, and nothing else. Affirmative Action allows minorities whose parents are doctors to move ahead of poor farmers’ children whose parents are not. That’s not justice or leveling any playing field.
RE: 3, Jack, as usual, you succinctly and humorously nail it!
17 mig // Mar 8, 2007 at 9:46 am
I agree Shelly. Affrimative Action is just another Winnie-the-Pooh bandaid, like recycling.
And if Gates is worried about the American geeks, then he can funnel more of those millions to American schools.
18 mig // Mar 8, 2007 at 9:54 am
OT already:
A former Iranian deputy defense minister who once commanded the Revolutionary Guard has left his country and is cooperating with Western intelligence agencies, providing information on Hezbollah and Iran’s ties to the organization, according to a senior U.S. official.
19 JamesonLewis3rd // Mar 8, 2007 at 10:07 am
nerd
20 kajun // Mar 8, 2007 at 10:07 am
Price of MS GATES XP = $99.95
Price of MS GATES XP PRO =$400 Billion Pirated versions available soon—watch your email box for the spam announcing the availability of the pirated software bundled with Viagrow.
21 JamesonLewis3rd // Mar 8, 2007 at 10:11 am
You may well be wondering why I posted that single word. Well, to be honest, I am wondering as well. Temporary insanity, I guess-I don’t have a clue.
I think I will get up and move around the cabin.
22 JamesonLewis3rd // Mar 8, 2007 at 10:23 am
And then, just to show them, I’ll sail to Ka-Troo
And Bring Back an It-Kutch a Preep and a Proo
A Nerkle a Nerd and a Seersucker, too!
~~from If I Ran the Zoo by Dr. Seuss (1950) (which is written in anapestic tetrameter, by the way [in case you were wondering]).
23 Darthmeister // Mar 8, 2007 at 11:02 am
I had a dog named “Patches” one time, he ate my Windows 98™ operating system, caught a virus and then disappeared. The next day a geek shows up on my doorsteps. Made me a believer in reincarnation!
trolls: there are simply some things reincarnation can’t fix.
24 conserve-a-tips // Mar 8, 2007 at 11:13 am
Mig, if he is worried about training American kids, then he should be using his money to establish affordable private schools that encourage excellence. Throwing more money at today’s public schools is a major waste. I would love to see corporations opening schools in communities and just watch the competition begin!!!!
25 conserve-a-tips // Mar 8, 2007 at 11:14 am
Darthmeister: Was
Greeksa Freudian slip about Trojans? Microsoft is very familiar with that culture!26 Darthmeister // Mar 8, 2007 at 11:27 am
Naw, it was a Fraudian slip, the kind that trolls normally engage in.
Was Freud a secret cross-dresser, c.a.t.?
27 Darthmeister // Mar 8, 2007 at 11:39 am
Ms RightWing, how are your Arkysaw frens Aunt Sarah and Uncle Willy doing? And what do they think of Arkansas Hillary’s fake Arkansas accent?
I’ll be in the general region of Arkysaw next Thursday when I drive my horseless carriage down for the 145th anniversary Shiloh Civil War reenactment. Might be fightin’ as one of them thar grayback Johnny Rebs (though I usually prefer to portray a bluebelly Billy Yank.) When they try to even the numbers out on each side, sometimes you have to “galvanize” … that is to say our 35th Illinois Regiment becomes the 18th Alabama.
The organizers say there might be 14,000 Blue & Gray soldiers there, but even half that would still be a lot of fun. You can Google™ “145th Shiloh reenactment” and get the website address.
28 conserve-a-tips // Mar 8, 2007 at 11:57 am
No, Darthmeister, I know that it was a rumor, but he wasn’t a cross dresser. He never wore any crosses because he was an atheist.
And y’all will be right nex’ ta mah home state. Y’all ort ta crost over intah Injun Territory.
I do have a funny reenactment story to tell you. A number of years ago, when the kids were all in high school (freshman, sophomore, junior and senior) we took a trip and stopped in Vicksburg for a day. We visited this lovely old mansion that had been used as a hospital during the Civil War and had been kept in perfect shape since. The rooms had the original furniture and the one used as the hospital still had all of the utensils, tables, etc. It was really interesting. The people were dressed in period costumes. Anyway, as we headed out onto the lawn, just beyond the trees came a gunshot and a group of soldiers came running through the woods, led by a corp of flag bearers, dressed in kilts. The man holding the main flag was rather large and he was obviously lumbering, at great distress, to evade the northern troops. All of a sudden, he pitched forward and stumbled and ended up in a crumpled heap with his butt in the air and his skirt down around his ears, his tighty-whiteys for all to see. We were most thankful that he wasn’t in true Scottish attire, or else we would have been blushing profusely! I got tickled, because the lady standing next to us in hoop skirt and beautiful bonnet, in true southern belle fashion, stated, “Oh mahyyy.”
29 mig // Mar 8, 2007 at 11:59 am
Of Course you are right CAT.
What is the NY public School system up to now per kid: 17,000 for a year of
campeducation and it still takes ‘em six years of college to get a BA!30 Just Ranting // Mar 8, 2007 at 12:33 pm
With apologies to the Great Santini and Bing Crosby, the following is sung to the tune of “Don’t Fence Me In”
Oh give us jobs, lots of jobs, scrubbin’ floors and picking fruit.
Don’t fence me out.
I’ll wash your car, watch your kids, bring in coke so you can toot.
Don’t fence me out.
I want a job you know Americans won’t do.
So I hop the border like a kangaroo.
You may not like it, but I’m tellin’ you.
Don’t fence me out.
Oh give us jobs, lots of jobs, I’d be glad to clean your yard.
Don’t fence me out.
I’ll even take a job as a border crossing guard.
Don’t fence me out.
Please don’t point at me with those high powered guns.
My family in Mexico could use some funds and
I just want water that won’t give me runs so
Don’t fence me out.
I want to fleeeeeee slums, disease and poverty.
Wah-ooo, Wah-ooo
I don’t care if terrorist come through with me.
Ba-boom, Ba-boom.
I want to earn my money without payin’ taxes.
Don’t fence me out.
And send it all back over the border of Texas.
Don’t fence me out.
I want to vote for the president in your elections.
Cross the border as I please without INS inspection.
The heck with learning English, Spanish is perfection.
Don’t fence me out.
Noooooooo, you can’t fence me out.
31 Darthmeister // Mar 8, 2007 at 1:10 pm
Good one, Ranting.
Is anybody going to see that new movie, “300 Geeks”? I hear there’s a bunch of geekcake in the movie. Is Spartans a secret skunkworks division within Microsoft™?
32 everthink // Mar 8, 2007 at 1:16 pm
Henry,
This is what you’ve been saying, isn’t it?
ET
No Military Solution to Iraq, U.S. General says
POSTED: 12:53 p.m. EST, March 8, 2007
BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) — The new commander of U.S. troops in Iraq has warned that military force alone will not be enough to quell the country’s violent insurgency.
Speaking publicly Thursday for the first time since taking charge in Baghdad last month, Gen. David Petraeus said military action was necessary to improve security in Iraq but “not sufficient” to end violence altogether.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/meast/03/08/iraq.petraeus/index.html
33 Hawkeye // Mar 8, 2007 at 1:26 pm
Unlike previous versions of Microsoft™ products, this new “Gates” XP will use an “open protocol”.
34 drzurf // Mar 8, 2007 at 1:53 pm
Can’t we just get a Mac?
35 upnorthlurkin // Mar 8, 2007 at 2:14 pm
Yeah, will someone please ’splain to me why Macs have none of these problems?!
36 Darthmeister // Mar 8, 2007 at 3:01 pm
neverthink, I’ve never said “military force alone” is the answer. What the Dhimmiecrats and your moonbat buddies have been proposing - diplomacy alone is the answer - is just as false.
It will take a combination of both the military option and astute diplomacy. Its also just as clear the cut-and-run tactic the Congressional Dhimmies have been so impotent to implement (and thank God for that) is a recipe for utter failure in Iraq and in the broader war against global Islamic radicalism.
It is well-applied military force which will sober up murderous Islamists in a way diplomacy never can. Shia and Sunni Iraqi radicals aren’t interested in nice-sounding western rhetoric of “peace”, but making inroads in either disarming them are killing them will inexorably them to the peace table … that is if Americans still have the will and resolve to win wars like this.
And if we can’t accomplish that sort of victory today, then our children and their children’s children will be fighting the Islamist wolves crouching at the door of all free men and women. Of course you can salve your conscience by engaging in total denial of this reality.
I can see you’ve been lost in thought to have come up with your canard, neverthink. Bet its unfamiliar territory for you.
37 tomg // Mar 8, 2007 at 3:29 pm
XP? You need a Vista Cruiser for border traffic!
Thats how to cross a fence with “stile”.
(sorry in advance)
38 JamesonLewis3rd // Mar 8, 2007 at 4:05 pm
Leave it to CNN to use a headline that totally distorts what the general actually said.
It is truly pathetic that someone would read that headline, the following story and conclude the general was suggesting that our mission in Iraq was/is futile. What utterly abysmal reading comprehension.
39 camojack // Mar 8, 2007 at 4:06 pm
RE: 3, Jack, as usual, you succinctly and humorously nail it!
Comment by Shelly — March 8, 2007 @ 9:12 am
I try, thanks.
40 everthink // Mar 8, 2007 at 4:26 pm
Oh, I see now Henry!
But everything the administration has is the “astupid” form of everything. Won’t they have to turn to the Democrats to get some of that “astute diplomacy” you’re talkin about here, dude?
Dumbyah doesn’t want to talk to Syria and Iran. If fact, you know how he, like you, doesn’t want to talk to anybody, so long as he has a gun, and somebody else to shoot it!
ET
41 JamesonLewis3rd // Mar 8, 2007 at 4:29 pm
Captain Ed has a few words to say about Hairy Reed’s desire to relinquish our country to a massive onslaught of security risks.
A couple of the comments after his article sum it up fairly well:
One said, “Why we wouldn’t simply extend US Citizenship to all the humans and skrap [sic] all that visa and sovereignty nonsense? I’ll bet it would produce more happy, than unhappy citizens!”
Another says something along the lines of something we’ve discussed here before: “This is another indication that the Democratic Party is the September 10th party. They are struggling mightily to deny that there is any real threat to the United States at least as long as the Democrats are in charge.”
42 tomg // Mar 8, 2007 at 4:36 pm
“Microsoft issued 75 security patches..”
Like that would work. Geeks want pocket protectors. And Star Trek patches.
43 everthink // Mar 8, 2007 at 4:42 pm
“I can see you’ve been lost in thought to have come up with your canard, neverthink. Bet its unfamiliar territory for you.”
Henry, I’m not a professional canard player, like you; and even though I’ve been around the game here for awhile, I just seem to prefer the simple truth, that’s just the way I am, I guess.
ET
44 mig // Mar 8, 2007 at 5:10 pm
Use clean sweep. Its’ not just for windows.
Oops, Virtual Memory minimum too low. Windows is increasing the size of my virtual memory again. Better than Ginkgo Biloba.
45 Darthmeister // Mar 8, 2007 at 5:42 pm
I just seem to prefer the simple truth, that’s just the way I am, I guess.
Well, it looks like the roles are reversed, Bravo39. Simple truth for simple minds, eh? The way you Bush-haters and America-blamers have muddied up the political waters with your calculated lies, truth is no longer a simple matter, hence our many links to primary source documentation concerning issues like the SSCI evaluation of Joe Wilson’s multiple lies about Niger yellowcake, DefenseLink evaluations of WMD that were found in Iraq, the 2002 Joint Congressional Resolution for use of American force in Iraq, UN Resolution 1441, previous audiolinks and videotape of DemDonks agreeing Saddam’s regime posed a threat to the region and to the security of the world, etc. … and you blew them all off for the comfort of your “simple truths” that are typically derived from moonbat blogs and the liberal media narrative. What a liberal media tool. Can’t think for yourself, eh? Because that much is obvious since you read like the front page of the New York Times.
I don’t know what makes you so dumb when it comes to figuring out the truth from these documentary sources we’ve linked to, but I can testify that whatever it is it really works for you!
Keep on with your blind partisan hatefest. And you wonder why we react to you the way we do. Sheesh!
46 conserve-a-tips // Mar 8, 2007 at 5:43 pm
Is a trojan virus and a troll the same thing?
I thought so.
47 Darthmeister // Mar 8, 2007 at 6:58 pm
Here’s one for ya’ Scott, Bill Clinton is calling for a “Bill of Rights” for soldiers. I guess the ones they have under the U.S. Constitution aren’t enough.
I can just see it:
Right #1: A soldier has the right not to be killed in a battlezone.
Right #2: A soldier may disobey an order if it exposes him/her to too much danger.
Right #3: Soldiers can organize into a union.
Right #4: A soldier has the right to start out at the rank of Captain.
Right #5: A soldier has the right to sue his commanding officer if a tactic doesn’t work during a firefight.
Right #6: A soldier has the right to transfer to a safer theater of operation at any time.
Right #7: A soldier may not be force-marched for more than half an hour, otherwise armored transportation must be provided to get him/her to the battle site.
Right #8: A soldier has the right not to be beheaded or mutilated by the enemy. The enemy is required to observe all Geneva Convention protocols.
48 Beerme // Mar 8, 2007 at 7:06 pm
How many Aggie programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
They can’t, it’s a hardware problem.
An Aggie scientist is doing experiments on a frog, trying to find out the effects of cutting its legs off.
The Aggie saws the first leg off and says, “Jump, frog, jump.” The frog jumps five feet. The Aggie makes a note: With three legs, frog jumps five feet.
The Aggie then saws off another leg and says, “Jump, frog jump!” The frog jumps one foot. The Aggie makes a note: With two legs, frog jumps one foot.
Finally, the Aggie saws off the last foot and says, “Jump, frog jump! … Jump, frog jump! … Jump, frog jump!”
The Aggie scientist makes a note: With no legs, frog goes completely deaf.
Off topic, I know, but a former Continental pilot sent me these jokes and I just had to share them…
49 conserve-a-tips // Mar 8, 2007 at 7:06 pm
Since Bill Clinton never served in the military and made a career out of defying authority, I’d say that he isn’t in much of a position to talk about anything having to do with the military structure.
50 conserve-a-tips // Mar 8, 2007 at 7:08 pm
Beerme, thank you for those. I have two friends who are Aggies who love to tell Okie jokes…what goes around and all that….
51 Harry Daschle // Mar 8, 2007 at 7:12 pm
Speaking of geeks,—-check out this: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17500779/
It is the latest thing out of Rosie’s “pie-hole” from tomorrow mornings show.
I would try to point out the absurdity of this latest rant, but the “old bat” does a great job all by herself!
After you read the story, the “old bat” reference will make more sense!
Remember, this is the woman who makes fun of other people! After this statement, I think she will become the butt of a LOT of jokes!
52 Darthmeister // Mar 8, 2007 at 7:29 pm
My bad, c.a.t., it was sHrillary Clinton who suggested the Soldier’s Bill of Rights … which makes the idea even dumber. But your point about Bill Clinton still rings true. The man despised the military and virtually everything associated with it.
53 JamesonLewis3rd // Mar 8, 2007 at 7:35 pm
That Rosie person is an imbecile who, quite obviously, doesn’t know the first thing about clinical depression. If some doctor prescribed medication for her because she was saddened by a horrific shooting incident that had nothing to do with her at all, he did her a great disservice.
I’ll bet whoever sold her those boots she uses to hang upside down is laughing hysterically (all the way to the bank).
Just goes to show just how pathologically self-centered that disgusting, traitorous pervert really is.
54 Darthmeister // Mar 8, 2007 at 7:39 pm
Sensitivities takes precedent over truth and academic freedom.
I guess its a matter of whose ox is being gored. If some left-wing, activist moonbat is offended, then the person who offended them has committed a hate crime and must be punished. Leftist whiners have a “right” NOT TO BE offended. Truth and academic freedom be damned.
If a conservative is offended, even if what offended him/her is proven to be a pack of bigotted lies, the conservative is told to quit whining because its a matter of First Amendment rights and academic freedom. Conservatives and Christians have a right TO BE offended.
Another prime example of where liberal/Democrat/socialist/Muslim cranks are pandered to by the powers-that-be and the traditional Americans who comprises the backbone of this country are told to quit “being censors” and take a hike.
55 Harry Daschle // Mar 8, 2007 at 8:00 pm
JL3, Here’s how it works:
Rush gets prescription drugs from a doctor. He is a drug abuser who was “doctor shopping”!
Rosie gets prescription drugs from a doctor. She is a brave woman who “came out” to help other poor misunderstood women who get blue on rainy days and Mondays! “All hail Dorothy!” —-er, I mean Rosie!
I have NEVER watched “The View”, but may tape it to see if ANYBODY has the guts to laugh at this idiotic story of hers!
Heres a prediction. If anyone makes light of Rosie after this, and she does herself in, (God forbid!), my bet is they will be blamed for it!
Wanna bet?
56 conserve-a-tips // Mar 8, 2007 at 8:12 pm
Harry, I read your link and I’m sorry, but that is the prime example of a life without God. When you have nothing to believe in that is greater then yourself, your life becomes a pretty self-centered screw-up.
57 mig // Mar 8, 2007 at 8:59 pm
Looks llke this guy had some trouble with his firewall protection.
58 Rock Slatestone // Mar 8, 2007 at 9:45 pm
Code name for the virtual firewall will be “short horn”
59 mig // Mar 8, 2007 at 9:56 pm
Gates’ Geek Employment Agency.
60 mig // Mar 8, 2007 at 10:03 pm
Oops! Firewall down, security up: need a patch.
61 JamesonLewis3rd // Mar 9, 2007 at 7:23 am
Might as well have Daylight Saving Time year-round, if you ask me-I mean, what’s the point? Good grief, it’s still winter.
(Yeah, I know it was 78° here [D/FW] yesterday and supposed to be about the same all weekend but it wouldn’t surprise me to have a hard freeze before March is over [it’s happened before] where I watch the buds fall off the trees and I’m out there all night hugging my rose bushes [which are budding quite nicely at the moment]).
Oh, and my daffodils are in full bloom. And a hyacinth that I stuck in the ground just for the heck of it sometime last year.
/end garden report
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