(2006-12-07) — Just a day after the Iraq Study Group released its report and dozens of recommendations to help the United States escape what it termed a “grave and deteriorating” situation, an unnamed al Qaeda spokesman announced the appointment of a similar panel by terror leader Usama bin Laden.
“Mr. bin Laden, peace be upon him, favors a transparent process of laying all of our military and diplomatic options on the table before the world,” said the source. “The civil war in Iraq hinders our efforts to establish Baghdad as the capital of our global Islamic Caliphate. Mr. bin Laden believes it’s not going well enough or fast enough, and he’s open to any good suggestions for finding a way out of Iraq,”
Unconfirmed reports suggest that Mr. bin Laden may terminate his stalwart second-in-command, Ayman al-Zawahiri, and appoint a less controversial man who could garner broader support from the Muslim media and in public opinion polls.
However, an anonymous official at the White Cavern, Mr. bin Laden’s headquarters, provided The New York Times with a classified top-secret memo that indicates the al Qaeda leader is considering a “graceful exit” from Iraq, in order to avoid the political consequences of having the conflict drag on.
14 responses so far ↓
1 mig // Dec 7, 2006 at 7:17 am
I thought the Iraq Study Group members were Al Qaeda operatives.
2 mig // Dec 7, 2006 at 7:18 am
HELLO!!! It’s coffee time. Cream and sugar anyone? Hello. Hello?
3 RedPepper // Dec 7, 2006 at 7:42 am
If some Muslims wish to wage eternal jihad until Islam dominates the globe, they are only being true to Islam and its doctrines as they understand it. However, in that case, where the world is divided into two warring camps, Islam and Infidelity — or, in Islamic terms, the Abode of Islam and the Abode of War — how can these Muslims expect any concessions from the international community? The natural conclusion of the view that “might makes right” is “to the victor go the spoils.”
Raymond Ibrahim .
4 Scott Ott // Dec 7, 2006 at 7:56 am
Qaeda Panel to Study Iraq, Seek Way Out…
by Scott Ott(2006-12-07) — Just a day after the Iraq Study Group released its report and dozens of recommendations to help the United States escape what it termed a “grave and deteriorating†situation, an unnamed al Qaeda spokesman announced the….
5 Hawkeye // Dec 7, 2006 at 8:13 am
the White Cavern…
Hahahaha! Good one Scott.
6 Fred Sinclair // Dec 7, 2006 at 8:26 am
As an afterthought, we can appeal to Iran and Syria for their advice on how to win in Iraq but then, if the Iranians knew how to win in Iraq they would not have had an 8 year war with Iraq with no clear cut victory.
Perhaps we could offer Mr. bin Laden a job here in America as Chief of Homeland Security. The liberal left would be happy since they are so distressed that we’ve gone now these five years without an attack as good as 9/11 was. With Mr. bin Laden in charge of Homeland Security perhaps we could have a repeat of 9/11 every month or so.
Only on a much bigger and grander scale, maybe a suitcase sized nuclear bomb in Grand Central Station, The Sears Tower and The Humble Building in Houston. All timed to detonate within seconds of each other so the left can clasp their hands in glee at having helped to bring America down (their reason for existance, as it were).
After all, five years without an al Quida attack is proof enough of how utterly incompentent and useless President George Dubbya and his policies and plans really are - Right?
Heirborn Ranger
7 gafisher // Dec 7, 2006 at 9:01 am
On the basis of a leaked draft of the Qaeda study group’s report, James Baker is accusing bin Laden of plagiarism.
8 Rock Slatestone // Dec 7, 2006 at 10:27 am
Scott, this is good stuff… great job
9 Tinman // Dec 7, 2006 at 10:56 am
Now that we know al Qaeda plans to leave, let’s just step up the war a notch.
10 Bill's Bites // Dec 7, 2006 at 1:59 pm
Qaeda Panel to Study Iraq, Seek Way Out…
Qaeda Panel to Study Iraq, Seek Way OutScott Ott (2006-12-07) — Just a day after the Iraq Study Group released its report and dozens of recommendations to help the United States escape what it termed a “grave and deteriorating†situation,…
11 seneuba // Dec 7, 2006 at 5:05 pm
I heard the more liberal elements of bin Laden’s government had secretly reached out to South Korea, Australia, and the UK to get advice on how to gracefully resolve the conflict.
12 seneuba // Dec 7, 2006 at 5:11 pm
The internal White Cave staffers were in disagreement whether or not to increase the number of suicide bombers in Iraq.
And there’s increasing discussion among the left wing fringe elements of bin Laden’s government who actually advocate the reinstatement of a suicide bomber draft.
13 onlineanalyst // Dec 7, 2006 at 9:46 pm
Talk about ironic chutzpah! I heard the fabulous Baker boy himself on the radio today say that the whole Iraq Surrender Group’s plan must have bipartisan acceptance as a whole package and that items may not be singled out for impletation like choosing parts of a fruit salad. Fruit salad indeed! Mr. Baker is not being quite kosher in his judgments.
Who elected this man whose past decisions did not exactly create a terrific conditions in the ME and with regard to the Soviet Union? I don’t recall his name being on any ballots in past years’ elections.
14 Pros and Cons » The ISG Report, condsidered. // Dec 8, 2006 at 4:53 pm
[...] UPDATE: NPR is better than most of the MSM in sampling people with opinions that matter and in it’s own analysis. Scrappleface’s Scott Ott had cruel but funny things to say, twice. [...]
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