(2006-11-16) — If the U.S. Airways buyout of Delta receives regulatory approval, industry experts said it would make the resulting company the largest of the world’s bankrupt airlines and a strong candidate for a future government bailout.
U.S. Airways yesterday announced it would offer Delta’s creditors $8 billion in stock, cereal boxtops and S&H Green Stamps and would name the merged firm Delta Airlines, which the source called, “one of the most recognizable brand names in the non-profit airline industry.”
“The synergies are incredible,” said an unnamed spokesman for U.S. Airways, “There’s a lot of overlap in areas of incompetence, customer dissatisfaction, mismanagement and hubris. Thanks to economies of scale, together we can achieve new levels of mediocrity.”
The source assured investors that the new Delta Airlines stock would make “an excellent tax write off, and a great way to add balance to your portfolio of growth stocks.”
68 responses so far ↓
1 JamesonLewis3rd // Nov 16, 2006 at 7:59 am
God Bless America!
2 onlineanalyst // Nov 16, 2006 at 8:13 am
Why, this merger gives new meaning to flying on a wing and a prayer!
Wasn’t USAir not that long ago crawling out of its own bankruptcy? Now they have money and S& H Green Stamps to throw around? Wasn’t USAir the former Allegheny Airlines, which we locals dubbed Agony Airlines?
For my money though American Airlines is the worst of the lot.
3 TouchyFeely // Nov 16, 2006 at 8:16 am
Oligopoly - It’s the American way. Now if Time Warner can only buy out Cox Cable and AT+T…
4 camojack // Nov 16, 2006 at 8:24 am
As long as they still get me to Kona in February, I don’t care what they call themselves…
5 Darthmeister // Nov 16, 2006 at 8:34 am
If at first you don’t succeed
try, try againdeclare bankruptcy.6 conserve-a-tips // Nov 16, 2006 at 8:34 am
Good morning my cheery buddies. It’s cold out thar.
And it’s a cold, cruel world when S & H Green Stamps are required for business transactions. They are as rare as gold coins and us little people haven’t held one in our hands in many, many years. I won’t be buying Delta Stock, but will be diversifying by putting 10% of my portfolio in S & H Green Stamps.
7 Darthmeister // Nov 16, 2006 at 8:35 am
#4 camojack, spoken like a true American consumer. Beats a rowboat!
8 MargeinMI // Nov 16, 2006 at 8:40 am
[huffpuffhuffpuff] can’t. keep. up…..
9 Possumtrot // Nov 16, 2006 at 8:44 am
I don’t fly. I surf AMTRAK, the world’s largest bankrupt railway. At least they’re wheelchair-friendly.
10 upnorthlurkin // Nov 16, 2006 at 8:45 am
Anybody remember Ozark Airlines?! Flew to Des Moines, IA. once and that’s how I had to get there. Talk about scary!! Blew a tire on landing and the sparks were just flying! Whew!! I rented a car and drove home!
11 JamesonLewis3rd // Nov 16, 2006 at 8:55 am
I will not fly-if there’s no road or waterway, I’m not going.
Although, one day, I will float upward to meet Jesus in the sky.
12 seneuba // Nov 16, 2006 at 8:57 am
Everywhere is within walking distance….if you have the time.
13 conserve-a-tips // Nov 16, 2006 at 8:57 am
Re #8:
Marge, “I choose not to read the last thread at this point. Maybe if Scott writes more stories for awhile, maybe I’ll be interested - maybe I won’t.
I want to read with you guys awhile before I make any decision on the last thread at all, period. After we’ve done some business discussing, then I might change my mind. I’m going to tell you this. If anybody can do it - I’m not [expletive deleted] you fellows and gals - I can get this done my way. There’s no question about it!”
Slap. Slap. (slapping my face) Sorry, I think that I was channeling John Murtha.
14 camojack // Nov 16, 2006 at 9:02 am
#4 camojack, spoken like a true American consumer. Beats a rowboat!
Comment by Darthmeister — November 16, 2006 @ 8:35 am
Or a kayak…but that’s been done already.
(Maybe in a sailboat, someday…)
15 Anonymous // Nov 16, 2006 at 9:11 am
This one had me laughing out loud.
Thanks Scott for brightening up a gloomy day.
16 seneuba // Nov 16, 2006 at 9:14 am
I want to follow up on Scott’s S&H Green Stamp point.
Actually S&H Greenstamps were bought out by the company that owns Gold Bond Stamps, which in turn was replaced by something called “Gold Points”.
In order to pay 1/3 of the cost for this, they only need to have….um…wait a minute…(*calculate* *caluculate* *caluculate*)…ah..um.. 1,066,666,666,666 Gold Points to close the deal. This should be no problem to earn. They only have to go to Office Depot and spend $71,111,111,111 to earn that many points! I’m sure they’ll need plenty of new company stationary and a few billion Post-It notes around the new office. Should be no problem. Right?
17 seneuba // Nov 16, 2006 at 9:16 am
To follow up on Scott’s S&H Green Stamp point.
Actually S&H Greenstamps were bought out by the company that owns Gold Bond Stamps, which in turn was replaced by something called “Gold Points”.
In order to pay 1/3 of the cost for this, they only need to have….um…wait a minute…(*calculate* *caluculate* *caluculate*)…ah..um.. 1,066,666,666,666 Gold Points to close the deal. This should be no problem to earn. They only have to go to Office Depot and spend $71,111,111,111 to earn that many points! I’m sure they’ll need plenty of new company stationary and a few billion Post-It notes around the new office. Should be no problem. Right?
18 seneuba // Nov 16, 2006 at 9:17 am
Sorry about the double double post. DOH!
19 gafisher // Nov 16, 2006 at 9:21 am
If the bankrupt Democ rat Congress follows through on implementing a bankrupt defense policy, we might need a large bankrupt airline just to get our troops back home.
20 Anonymous // Nov 16, 2006 at 9:27 am
I am writimg to the Government. My Railroad is bankrupt. If they can bail out Airlines, Auto Makers, Etc,. why can’t they help me?
Lionel Lines transports ounces of plastic people and resources every day. It’s the Economy Schtoopud!
21 seneuba // Nov 16, 2006 at 9:45 am
Re: #19
Now THAT’s being resourceful!
22 conserve-a-tips // Nov 16, 2006 at 9:47 am
Seneuba:
Re double posts #16 & 17: 1,066,666,666,666 Gold points? Three 666’s? Could it be Satan?
23 seneuba // Nov 16, 2006 at 9:58 am
Con-a-tip:
Either that or a cheap calculator that won’t round up…
24 Maggie // Nov 16, 2006 at 10:49 am
Prayer requeat alert:
Please pray for your Scappleface friends here in North Carolina.We are in the midst of severe Tornado activity.
I called Mig and she is doing alright.Hope to hear from Shelly soon.Thank you.
25 Maggie // Nov 16, 2006 at 10:51 am
Forgive my haste….that would be prayer request.
26 gafisher // Nov 16, 2006 at 11:14 am
Hey Seneuba #16 & 17 — is Thursday still Double Stamp Day?
27 conserve-a-tips // Nov 16, 2006 at 11:27 am
Maggie, from an old tornado aficionado in Okie land, we will be thinking of you guys. We had 60 mph winds yesterday and so I am sorry that we sent them your way. Hang in there!
28 Ms RightWing, Ink // Nov 16, 2006 at 11:27 am
There is that old joke about UPS and………..aw forget it, everyone has heard that joke a zillion times. Actually Railway Express sounds like a good place to stick your stamps to since they bought out Wells Fargo (no not the bank)
29 kajun // Nov 16, 2006 at 11:47 am
I thought S & H Green stamps were extinct!
30 RedPepper // Nov 16, 2006 at 11:50 am
#27 c-a-t: Are those winds coming to upstate New York by any chance? Every time we get a bad storm up here the power cuts out and my VCR croaks …
31 da Bunny // Nov 16, 2006 at 11:58 am
Speaking of incompetence in the airline industry, there have been several recent news stories concerning record numbers of lost luggage, since more people are checking bags due to the new carry-on restrictions. This morning, there was a story about RF technology being the “newest” thing in tagging passengers’ bags. Of course, there was the disclaimer that the use of these RF microchips won’t guarantee that bags still won’t be misdirected, they’ll just be “easier” to track. Wha’….???So…the airlines will still be losing our luggage like in the “old days,” they just be doing it in more high-tech ways. RIDICULOUS!
32 conserve-a-tips // Nov 16, 2006 at 11:59 am
Redpepper - Son, it’s time to join today’s world and get a DVD player.
The last I heard, the system that hit here (coming from Colorado where it dumped two feet of snow) was heading east, not northeast. However, if you would like, we could face northeast and- in the words of Lauren Bacall - could just “pucker and blow” for you!
33 da Bunny // Nov 16, 2006 at 12:00 pm
No, I’m not using “ebonics”…
“they’ll” just be doing it in more high-tech ways.
34 RedPepper // Nov 16, 2006 at 12:27 pm
#32 c-a-t: Sorry, no DVD players! Apart from computers, I’m fundamentally a Luddite. They can have my VCR when the pry it outa my cold, dead fingers …
BTW, glad to hear about your daughter’s new job …
… and, oh, have I mentioned, you are looking
finestriking lately …35 mig // Nov 16, 2006 at 12:39 pm
We’re good. Listening to the local weather, 9 people so far have died across the river. A couple of kids. sigh.
Thanks for the call Maggie.
36 nylecoj // Nov 16, 2006 at 1:05 pm
Murtha lost 149 to 86
37 nylecoj // Nov 16, 2006 at 1:06 pm
My prayers are going out to all of those in the line of the storm.
38 Shelly // Nov 16, 2006 at 1:11 pm
The Tarheels are all here. We’re fine, glad to hear Maggie and Mig are as well. I signed on hoping to see posts by both as soon as I got home from Bible Study.
39 Hawkeye // Nov 16, 2006 at 1:18 pm
Nylecoj #37,
Thanks. Here in Downtown, NJ we’ve got a flood watch, a flash flood watch and a tornado watch. Should hit us in a few hours. It’s gettin’ dark and ugly out there right now.
Regards all…
40 Shelly // Nov 16, 2006 at 2:04 pm
This is a test. This is only a test.
I followed a link a few posts back about using html. Is it really this simple ?
41 Shelly // Nov 16, 2006 at 2:08 pm
Actually, I should have said a few threads back. Learning this new trick has apparently cost me some language skills.
42 Ms RightWing, Ink // Nov 16, 2006 at 2:12 pm
Wonderful spring lake day here in the Buckeye. 62 degrees with little bit of sprinkles here and there. Wish I could spread it all about
43 Ms RightWing, Ink // Nov 16, 2006 at 2:13 pm
er-spring-like day. Sure wish God would give me my sight back
44 Ms RightWing, Ink // Nov 16, 2006 at 2:23 pm
All right scrapplers, I need to use your braincells. Many years ago when there was only black and white TV there was an old fella who used to read Letters From Mamma. He always started out with a funny beggining like Dear Sunny, Mamma used to call me that because I was so bright, etc.
I been try to hit the right mix of words on the Internet with no luck.
I know most of you are at least as old as I am. Please help me, everyone here thinks I am nuts when I talk about him. The only name that comes to mind is Wally Cox and I know that wasn’t him?
45 mig // Nov 16, 2006 at 2:53 pm
I don’t know who Sunny is but I would get that reaction trying to explain this show from England called the Prisoner where this guy was captive on an island and he would try to escape and at the end of the show, this big bouncing bubble would come and take him back.
Spooky.
46 wildhowd // Nov 16, 2006 at 2:58 pm
Re: # 44
George Gobel
is who comes immediately to mind
the other names I remember are:
Jack Benny
Sid Ceasar
Milton Berle
47 Ms RightWing, Ink // Nov 16, 2006 at 2:58 pm
Ahaa, found it, thanks to Wikipedia
In 1959, Arquette accepted Paar’s invitation to perform on Paar’s NBC Tonight Show. Arquette depicted the character of “Charley Weaver, the wild old man from Mount Idy.” He would bring along, and read, a letter from his “Mamma” back home. This characterization proved so popular that Arquette almost never again appeared in public as himself, but nearly always as “Charley Weaver”, complete with his squashed hat, little round glasses, rumpled shirt, broad tie, baggy pants and suspenders.
his rural townspeople would regularly be featured, such as:
Elsie Krack, the ugliest and strongest girl in town;
Grandpa Ogg, whose stubbornness usually got him into messes with “Father;”
Grandma Ogg, who (due to a metal plate in her head) could receive televison signals onto her glasses so that folks could come and watch shows;
Clara Kimball Moots, the town’s high-society leader; and,
Ludlow Bean, Leonard Box, and Wallace Swine, assorted male townspeople who coped with strange everyday occurrences.
48 wildhowd // Nov 16, 2006 at 3:00 pm
Red Skelton could be another posibility but I didn’t think he had his own show until color TV.
How about Phil Silvers?
49 kajun // Nov 16, 2006 at 3:16 pm
MS Right Wing Ink
I used to say “I’m so bright; my Momma calls me Son” whenever someone hinted that I’d had a good idea, etc.
50 kajun // Nov 16, 2006 at 3:17 pm
I belive I first heard Groucho Marx say that.
51 Just Ranting // Nov 16, 2006 at 3:40 pm
Thanks Scott,
There’s no place like home!
52 Just Ranting // Nov 16, 2006 at 3:46 pm
Ms RW re: 44,
I think you’re thinking about Louie Nye. I seem to remember that routine from the days when Hollywood Palace and The Ed Sullivan Show were still popular.
53 vittles scooper // Nov 16, 2006 at 4:08 pm
Ms. Right Wing - if Just Ranting isn’t what you remember, was this the radio version of the show?
Ed Gardner - “Archie” - host of Duffy’sTavern
http://www.otrcat.com/duffystavern.htm
Life with Luigi used a letter to Mama to start the show. Archie would always seem to get a phone call at the beginning of each Duffy’s Tavern broadcast. The show might be a star vehicle, or a situation comedy of errors, or just a semi-sweet story about a regular that could almost tug on the heartstrings. Stars dropping in made sense, as Duffy’s Tavern was in New York City, even if a little south and east of Broadway. Audience and music were used, but an intimate tavern atmosphere was always maintained.”
Cast of NBC radio’s “Duffy’s Tavern.”
Pictured from left to right:
Sandra Gould (”Miss Duffy”),
Eddie Green (”Eddie the Waiter”),
Charles Carton (”Finnegan”),
Ed Gardener (”Archie”).
54 gafisher // Nov 16, 2006 at 4:11 pm
Ah, Ms. RightWing Ink, thanks for calling up those reserve brain cells! Charlie Weaver; great memory!
55 Just Ranting // Nov 16, 2006 at 4:11 pm
Just read 47 so please disregard 52.
I remember Charlie Weaver from his days on Hollywood Squares. He was a hoot. Below are some Weaverism from those days…..
Peter Marshall: According to Billy Graham, can you get anything you’ve always wanted in Heaven, if you didn’t get it on Earth?
Charley Weaver: Yes, but there’s an extra charge for the whitewalls.
Peter Marshall: Is there a weight limit for bags on airline flights in this country?
Charley Weaver: If she can fit under the seat, she can fly.
Peter Marshall: According to Today’s Health, what do most dentists say you should do with your dentures before going to bed?
Charley Weaver: Out to the home, we throw them all into the center of the room and have a swap party…
Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!
Peter Marshall: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?
Charley Weaver: A divorcee.
Peter Marshall: What famous story begins with the discovery of magic beans?
Charley Weaver: Inherit the Wind.
Peter Marshall: Was there anything going on between Christopher Columbus and Queen Isabella?
Charley Weaver: Yes, and Columbus later found out that the world was round and she was flat!
Peter Marshall: Shakespeare wrote 154 of them. What are they?
Charley Weaver: Checks to Rose Marie for services rendered.
Peter Marshall: What makes water hard?
Charley Weaver: Winter.
Peter Marshall: When you go shopping, is there any difference between irregulars and seconds?
Charley Weaver: Out at the home, when I have seconds I get irregular.
Peter Marshall: True or false — as you get older, your skin becomes more transparent.
Charley Weaver: Out at the home in the x-ray room, they just hold us up to a light bulb.
Peter Marshall: Who said, “Richard Nixon was the most difficult man I ever had to paint”?
Charlie Weaver: Earl Scheib.
56 vittles scooper // Nov 16, 2006 at 4:16 pm
Anyway, for any radio lovers (like myself) there are free old time radio show downloads at:
http://www.otrcat.com/today.php
57 Godfrey // Nov 16, 2006 at 4:40 pm
Alas, one of the great men of our time has passed away. Milton Friedman died of heart failure this morning.
Already the lefties are besmirching his name. His Wikipedia entry says “Friedman’s death was caused by his not having enough heart.” The fact that he was 94 might also have had something to do with it.
I’d wager money whoever tweaked that entry has nonetheless benefited greatly from Friedman’s monumental influence during the last few decades.
58 The Stout Republican » Blog Archive » Delta - Stands for Change // Nov 16, 2006 at 5:25 pm
[…] Heh…go Scrappleface. […]
59 conserve-a-tips // Nov 16, 2006 at 6:14 pm
Redpepper, re #34 - You wanna know the neatest part? She starts on Monday and so her November and December checks from the other place are going into a savings account with her present savings (since she will have pay from the new job) and she will have enough to pay cash for a nice used car. AND the mortgage company called to get her latest situation and said that since she has gotten a good job so fast, they will go ahead and proceed on her little house. God is good.
BTW - Thank you for noticing my
strikingappearance. I work hard at it.Maggie, Mig, Shelly and Hawkeye - good to hear you are kicking. So sorry about the chaos that has obviously been around you. Stay safe.
Ms Rightwing Ink: Those were the days my friend.
60 Maggie // Nov 16, 2006 at 6:34 pm
Many thanks to you Scrapplers for the prayers,kind thoughts and well wishes.Sunlight is soooo beautiful.
61 Godfrey // Nov 16, 2006 at 6:55 pm
…and already Wikipedia has changed Friedman’s cause of death to “heart failure”. You gotta love that site.
62 vittles scooper // Nov 16, 2006 at 7:22 pm
You probably read the interview from the summer of Mr. Friedman at home chatting with his wife. If not: http://www.opinionjournal.com/editorial/feature.html?id=110008690
63 onlineanalyst // Nov 16, 2006 at 9:13 pm
VS: That interview from this past summer was a delight to reread.
National Review’s “The Corner” has some worthy tributes to Milton Friedman, too. Larry Kudlow’s summation of Friedman’s contributions are worth noting:
“Ideas matter.
“So it is with great sadness to report and mourn the passing of Milton Friedman, whose lifelong writings on the paramount significance of freedom, free-market capitalism, and liberty helped overturn the evil tide of communism and socialism in the 20th century.
“His great books Capitalism and Freedom in 1962, which was morphed into Free to Choose in 1980, and subsequently serialized on public television, reached literally tens of millions of people and influenced events in the U.S. and across the world.
“He explained to us the failures and flaws in government interference in the economy through overspending, over-regulation and over-taxation.
“He extolled the virtues of free trade.
“He explained that the root cause of inflation is excess money creation.
“Rather than Keynesian state planning, Milton’s mantra of free markets, free prices, consumer choice and economic liberty is responsible for the global prosperity we enjoy today.
“In fact, we take it for granted nowadays, but Friedman’s was a long, uphill battle, fought over decades to persuade politicians and business people that government is the problem, not the solution.
“He was a senior advisor to President Ronald Reagan who put these ideas into play during his transformative presidency.
“When you look around the world, at newly capitalist economies sprouting up in Russia, Eastern Europe, China and India, you can’t help but see the hand of Friedman.
“When you review twenty-five years of virtually uninterrupted prosperity and near zero inflation in the U.S, you can’t help but see the hand of Friedman.
“Milton Friedman is one of those few people about whom it can be said that he truly left the world a better place.
“May he rest in peace.”
Our politicians today should take a refresher course in Friedman’s worthy ideas.
64 onlineanalyst // Nov 16, 2006 at 9:14 pm
is worth noting…Duh!
65 » Thursday Wrap-Up // Nov 16, 2006 at 9:54 pm
[…] From ScrappleFace.com, “Merger to Create World’s Largest Bankrupt Airline:” “The synergies are incredible,” said an unnamed spokesman for U.S. Airways, “There’s a lot of overlap in areas of incompetence, customer dissatisfaction, mismanagement and hubris. Thanks to economies of scale, together we can achieve new levels of mediocrity.” […]
66 Darthmeister // Nov 16, 2006 at 10:35 pm
Godfrey, liberals think money grows on trees and kkkonservatives and Rethuglikkkans are the evil lumberjacks who get there first. That’s why in their world burdensome confiscatory taxes are needed to level the playing field and spread misery equally among the masses. Their system does not reward those motivated to produce while it does reward those who find solace in a nanny state.
Neo-libs have very little understanding about how free markets work, or if they do have an inkling they reject it outright by condemning the fact that rich people with economic sense do indeed to get richer. They point to the growing disparity between the so-called haves and the have-nots, forgetting that by any economic measure even our poor today are much better off than our poor just one generation ago. A rising tide raises all ships.
Of course in their minds socialism/communism is a superior way to ensure an “equitable” and immediate distribution of goods, services and living standards. But the whole socialist Ponzi scheme is doomed to failure within several generations as more and more people figure out its easier to become takers instead of producers. It’s human nature. Socialism/communism invariably corrodes incentive.
Unfortunately there isn’t a perfect economic system and probably never will be, but the free market/capitalist system has proven to be the most efficacious in raising the standards of everybody since it taps into and harnesses the greed everyone has at some level. That’s why America’s poor are by most measure experiencing a higher standard of living than fifty percent of the world. Can we do better? Yes, as a people we always can but the answer doesn’t lie with government economic mandates but rather within the industry and charity of the American people themselves.
Of course I’m preaching to the choir.
67 Bankrupt Airline Buys Bankrupt Airline « Colorado Right // Nov 17, 2006 at 6:48 pm
[…] Scrappleface has the latest: If the U.S. Airways buyout of Delta receives regulatory approval, industry experts said it would make the resulting company the largest of the world’s bankrupt airlines and a strong candidate for a future government bailout. […]
68 Pierres Service » Blog Archive » Merger to Create World�s Largest Bankrupt Airline // Nov 28, 2006 at 6:10 pm
[…] (2006-11-16) If the US Airways buyout of Delta receives regulatory approval, industry experts said it would make the resulting company the largest of the worlds bankrupt airlines and a strong candidate for a future government bailout …Read more: here […]
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