(2006-11-09) — As news of the resignation of U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld filtered out through hundreds of newspapers, radio and TV stations in Iraq this morning, Sunni and Shiite militias laid down their weapons and poured into the streets to celebrate the “new direction” in U.S. military policy.
“The day of our liberation is at hand,” said one young Iraqi who noted he had just “strapped up” with a suicide bomb vest and was about to go to a local playground, when he saw Mr. Rumsfeld resigning on CNN. “I threw the vest away and I’m going to the playground now to hand out candy to the children instead. I’m so excited about this new direction. What a relief!”
Shiite Muslim cleric Moktada al-Sadr immediately issued orders for his Mahdi army to surrender their guns and bomb-making supplies to the local Iraqi police station, or to “beat your swords into plowshares and other tools to rebuild our infrastructure and make Iraq a shining beacon of Islamic freedom.”
Elsewhere around Baghdad insurgents placed orange safety cones around hidden roadside bomb locations to prevent their accidental detonation until they could be defused. A spokesman for Al Qaeda in Iraq said its foreign staff would cease terror operations, but stay on as a kind of Peace Corps to help provide medical care, clean water and nutritious food to Iraq’s most needy.
Leading Sunni and Shiite clerics announced they would assemble at a trans-sectarian Friday prayer service in Sadr City’s al-Kumbaya Mosque to jointly call on the Iraqi faithful to set aside differences and “rise up and live out the true meaning of our peaceful Islamic creed.”
At the service a fatwa, or legal interpretation, will be issued declaring that those who perform acts of charity, rather than human carnage, will qualify for the fabled 72-virgin package in the afterlife.
“We have learned from President Bush and Speaker-elect Pelosi to seek common ground,” said one unnamed cleric. “With Rumsfeld gone, and the troops packing their bags, our nation can return to its natural stability, tranquility and harmony.”
63 responses so far ↓
1 Sandy Burglar // Nov 9, 2006 at 6:47 am
So THAT’s what the Dem’s brilliant strategy to win in Iraq was…
Good morning America.
2 egospeak // Nov 9, 2006 at 7:24 am
If this was the Democrat plan for Iraq, are they now responsible for all the deaths the past couple years since they never bothered to tell anybody?
Democrats dithered, soldiers and 600,000+ civilians died.
For shame,
Regards,
3 egospeak // Nov 9, 2006 at 7:34 am
God have mercy on America. Even before the election there wasn’t much reason to bless us. “He did evil in the eyes of the Lord and did not turn away from any of the sins of Jeroboam son of Nebat, which he had caused Israel to commit, he continued in them.” 2 Kings 13:11.
Before anyone jumps to a conclusion I’m speaking generally, not about anybody or anything in specific.
Regards,
4 conserve-a-tips // Nov 9, 2006 at 7:52 am
Good morning everybody. Egospeak, I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that I have had even before the election, that unless this country turns back to Godly leadership and a recognition of individual worth because of God’s hand, it is going the way of Rome. And soon. Unfortunately, unlike in 1620, there is no “New World” to which to flee…that is, unless we have travel to Mars by then, and I have a feeling that it would be a more unfriendly environment then North America was!
5 Scott Ott // Nov 9, 2006 at 7:55 am
Rumsfeld Resignation Sparks End to Iraq Fighting…
by Scott Ott(2006-11-09) — As news of the resignation of U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld filtered out through hundreds of newspapers, radio and TV stations in Iraq this morning, Sunni and Shiite militias laid down their weapons and poured…..
6 RedPepper // Nov 9, 2006 at 8:14 am
God help America …
7 Ms RightWing, Ink // Nov 9, 2006 at 8:27 am
After a trip to the playground he will go to his Mosque and preview sites in America they want to turn into cinder and glass
8 JamesonLewis3rd // Nov 9, 2006 at 8:32 am
In an effort to understand this week’s election results, I have formed a conclusion.
We, the United States and the world in general, can thank the people of Iraq who tolerate (and thereby abet) the terrorists living among them. The same can be (and has been) said about Lebanon, the UK, the EU, Africa, Palestine and we can name plenty of others for examples.
Having said that, I hope and pray we won’t be that way when the time comes-and it will. Once we’re out of Iraq, the focus will become this very land we are sitting on. Our wives’ and children’s blood will be splattered in the malls, at school, at massive sporting events, at the grocery store, at DisneyWorld. It’s going to be horrible. And trust me, I’d love to be the one to eat crow on this one.
Iraq should have been rebuilt from the ground up, not the top down. I’ve said it before: we should have pulverized the Iraqi army, not spanked them and sent them on their merry, bomb-making way.
9 Darthmeister // Nov 9, 2006 at 8:45 am
Either one of two things will happen, aided and abetted by the lamestream media of course:
1) Once the new Congress is seated, far more favorable reports (which have been there to report but haven’t) about Iraq will start flowing from the liberal media. You see, Democrats do have the answers.
2) Or the media may take advantage of the violence and will continue hammering about how “immoral and illegal” the war in Iraq as it creates an “American voice” for the Democrats in Congress to start cutting off funding and cut-and-run. HELLOOOOO VIETNAM!
And anything negative which happens is Bu$Hitler’s fault and anything positive which happens is the result of Democrat’s good looks and intellectual superiority, though they’ll continue to be absolutely clueless and without a plan. But hey, the Fourth Estate has just become the Fourth Branch of government when it comes to foreign policy!
It is really whatever narrative the lamestream media wants to engage in as they continue carrying the water for the Donks.
10 beekabok1 // Nov 9, 2006 at 8:46 am
RE:6
My thoughts exactally!
11 gafisher // Nov 9, 2006 at 8:46 am
“A spokesman for Al Qaeda in Iraq . . .”
Oops! No such thing, remember?
12 beekabok1 // Nov 9, 2006 at 8:48 am
exactally = exactly
Hey Scott,
Think we could get a “Spellchecker add-on” here?
13 Maggie // Nov 9, 2006 at 8:49 am
Good Morning Scrapplers! Keep looking up.
What’s that old saying “when the going gets tough,the tough get going? (close enough)
14 JamesonLewis3rd // Nov 9, 2006 at 8:49 am
Not only the Iraqi army, by the way, but the entire government apparatus.
Also, I sincerely believe we could have locked down the borders, letting nothing and noone in or out (and still could and should). Instead, we pussy-footed around trying to be “nice.”
We did the right thing by punishing the populations of Germany and Japan in WWII for their toleration of evil. The same should have been applied to Iraq and, when the time comes (and it surely will), should be applied to Iran and North Korea.
15 camojack // Nov 9, 2006 at 8:51 am
Is a “new direction” a euphemism for “retreat”?
16 Ms RightWing, Ink // Nov 9, 2006 at 8:59 am
beekabok1
If you have IE with Google on top your screen (sorry possumtrot) then you will find a spell check box. Invaluable for me with my MS’ed brain. Just a push on the box and I am brilliant!
******************************************
A thought just sideswiped my brilliant brain. I wonder how many conservatives Perot’ed this vote by voting for a libertarian knowing there was not a chance in Hades that guy/gal would get elected, therefore putting Nancy [former girlfriend of Sluggo] on her San Fran pedestal
17 JamesonLewis3rd // Nov 9, 2006 at 9:07 am
I always like “Nancy”. Not because of her, exactly, but because Sluggo’s hair cracked me up.
18 seneuba // Nov 9, 2006 at 9:15 am
Scott Ott has been reading WAY too many Demon-cratic Party brochures. This material was obviously copied right from their playbook.
Pretty soon they start playing John Lennon’s “Imagine” as their theme…
19 Rock Slatestone // Nov 9, 2006 at 9:15 am
Mr & Ms Liberal, in case you don’t know the enemy doesn’t like you either. Acting whimpy isn’t going to make them stop killing.
20 Darthmeister // Nov 9, 2006 at 9:19 am
camojack,
I’m surprised the Dems didn’t plagiarize from Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope.
You know, the defeat of the evil Bu$Hitler fascist empire, “help is on the way” and now “a new hope.” Cue Star Wars rhythmic theme song … MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU! **flashing the Vulcan peace sign**
World peace … over and out!
What’s the frequency, Kenneth? But I assure you, though fake those ANG documents are accurate!
21 Darthmeister // Nov 9, 2006 at 9:23 am
Historic Victory for Dieboldâ„¢! The Left discovers its first honest election … they won!
22 Ms RightWing, Ink // Nov 9, 2006 at 9:29 am
The new Democratic strategy handbook
http://scoop.diamondgalleries.com/news_images/2581_6870_9.jpg
The new Democratic election button
http://scoop.diamondgalleries.com/news_images/2581_6875_6.jpg
The new leader of our military
http://scoop.diamondgalleries.com/news_images/2581_6878_3.jpg
23 Pros and Cons » Two Ironies, and some noodling on the meaning of it all. // Nov 9, 2006 at 9:33 am
[...] Scott Ott, as usual, flays the false choices many would prefer to believe are those that really face us, and illustrates the potential downside to pre-emptive personnel capitulation. [...]
24 puzzletop // Nov 9, 2006 at 9:34 am
What exactly is the “new direction” they are talking about? Seems it’s a backward direction, and should be said so plainly if it is. If not, then what might be the new plan? I have not heard of any plan that the Democrats have offered. Just where are we going? The satire makes more sense and the information more forthcoming than fronm those bitter people who are in power now. Maybe it’s just all about payback for the next two years. I’m not sure about anything with this Congress now.
25 Just Ranting // Nov 9, 2006 at 9:35 am
USA, your handbasket train just pulled into the station. Hop in! You won’t like your next stop. Helena? No, no, take a closer look at the ticket you picked. It says Hell-in-a. Too late to choose another ticket now. Maybe you’ll be a little more careful choosing your destination next time…assuming there is a next time.
26 Stop The ACLU // Nov 9, 2006 at 9:36 am
ACLU Applauds Rumsfeld’s Resignation, Calls for Immediate Investigation Into Dereliction of Duty…
Off we go into a new direction for America. You know we are off on the wrong foot towards the wrong direction when the changes taking place are cheered by the ACLU! If President Bush thinks nixing Rumsfeld is a way to finding common ground with the …
27 JamesonLewis3rd // Nov 9, 2006 at 9:47 am
RE: #16~~
RE: #12~~
Firefox 2.0 has a built-in spell checker that underlines misspelled words right here in this text box as I type. Not that I ever neeed it.
I’ve never activated it until now nad it reully wurks! Purty kool.
Until now, I had been using the dictionary add-on (highlight and right click, bringing up a dictionary) words that didn’t “look right” but that, of course, didn’t work for typos that I didn’t notice, like “nad” above.
28 Just Ranting // Nov 9, 2006 at 10:02 am
I heard on the radio this morning that they are courting Donald Rumsfeld to be the new host for the Price is Right. He wants to redo some of the prizes contestants fight over. Trips to Club Gitmo, NSA phone answering systems, and fitness programs with the Marines at Camp Lejuene. Loosing contestants will be required to, “drop and give me twenty, dogface!” He wants to close each program with, “Please remember to spay and neuter Al Qaeda members”, but CBS brass say that might be a little too strong for stations that rebroadcat the program in France.
29 Darthmeister // Nov 9, 2006 at 10:19 am
Ms RightWing,
Buwahahahaha. I guess that brings us to this question: What will the “Nancy-boys”* on the left do about the war on terror? WWNBD.
*Ironically, Nancy-boys was Civil War - okay, War Between the States - slang for this. If you’re a Civil War reenactor you know this. Hmmmm, Nancy Pelosi and her boys, should be great fun the next two years.
30 gafisher // Nov 9, 2006 at 10:23 am
Maggie #13: “… the tough get going.”
To Cabo Diego, perhaps? (www.CaboDiego.com)
31 Darthmeister // Nov 9, 2006 at 10:27 am
Now this should strike fear in any reasonable person’s heart. Consider the fact that these DemDonks who are assuming power have had five years to stew in their hate and venom regarding Bush, our military, and traditional America. They are very adept at hiding their hate, though their mask slips from time to time, but can you imagine that kind of boiling, roiling, bilious hatred fermenting in the bowels of ones very being FOR FIVE YEARS AND IN SOME CASES SINCE 1994.
That’s what makes leftists so dangerous because they will always remain true to their house of cards instead of just enjoying life and realizing there’s more to life than politics and political payback. We must remain ever vigilant against these budding Stalinists who will pervert our very system of govenment to exact their revenge on those who aren’t on their left-wing plantation. If the olive branch is real, then I will be the first to take it, but hand us a serpent disguised as a branch … Sic Semper Tyrannis.
May God save America from itself.
32 Tinman // Nov 9, 2006 at 10:41 am
Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
33 Tinman // Nov 9, 2006 at 10:44 am
I lost the last line.
34 camojack // Nov 9, 2006 at 10:45 am
camojack,
I’m surprised the Dems didn’t plagiarize from Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope.
You know, the defeat of the evil Bu$Hitler fascist empire, “help is on the way†and now “a new hope.†Cue Star Wars rhythmic theme song … MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU! **flashing the Vulcan peace sign**
Comment by Darthmeister — November 9, 2006 @ 9:19 am:
Methinks “may the farce be with you” would be more apropos…
35 JamesonLewis3rd // Nov 9, 2006 at 10:48 am
And a-wa-a-a-ay we go!
“Donald Rumsfeld’s resignation is a step in the right direction,†said Anthony D. Romero, ACLU Executive Director. “Rumsfeld is responsible for the torture and abuse of detainees in U. S. military custody and must be held accountable for the failures that occurred on his watch. He has placed the blame on junior military members and has been nothing but derelict in his duty. Congress must initiate an immediate and exhaustive investigation into his six-year-long record of unlawful activity, violations of the rule of law and complicity in the executive branch abuse of power.â€
“Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld’s resignation on November 8th represents a first step toward accountability for the Bush Administration’s widespread practices of torture and unlawful detention, said attorneys at the Center for Constitutional Rights (CCR). Under Donald Rumsfeld’s direction–often under his direct orders–the Department of Defense adopted the practices of torture and indefinite detention that CCR is currently challenging in many court cases.
“The Center will be filing a new case charging him with war crimes under Germany’s universal jurisdiction law together with the International Federation of Human Rights (FIDH), the Republican Attorneys Association (RAV) and others next week. CCR attorneys called on his successor to close Guantánamo and put an end to the unlawful torture and detention of thousands in the so-called war on terror.”
“Organizations like the ACLU, CCR, and HRF are boils on our society.”
36 Ms RightWing, Ink // Nov 9, 2006 at 10:56 am
Darthmeister
I think there are so many links people just passed # 22 right on by, or maybe it wasn’t as funny as I thought. After all, I do have that dry Minnesota humor gland still affecting my reasoning
37 nylecoj // Nov 9, 2006 at 11:01 am
Ms RW #22 is very funny but I think Sluggo may be too tough to be their new military leader.
38 Ms RightWing, Ink // Nov 9, 2006 at 11:01 am
hello?
39 camojack // Nov 9, 2006 at 11:02 am
I think there are so many links people just passed # 22 right on by, or maybe it wasn’t as funny as I thought. After all, I do have that dry Minnesota humor gland still affecting my reasoning
Comment by Ms RightWing, Ink — November 9, 2006 @ 10:56 am
I have a (bad?) habit of not clicking on many links…sorry!
(I did go back and look this time, Sluggo…)
40 JamesonLewis3rd // Nov 9, 2006 at 11:04 am
I didn’t know that the SDS still exists.
41 Pedro // Nov 9, 2006 at 11:06 am
“Poppy Bush and James Baker gave Sonny the presidency to play with and he broke it. So now they’re taking it back.
They are dragging W. away from those reckless older guys who have been such a bad influence and getting him some new minders who are a lot more practical.”
Ha. My thoughts exactly.
By the way, I have never seen a greater collection of sour grapes than I do here. In W’s words, you guys got “thumped.” Deal with it. The people have spoken.
If you don’t like it, perhaps you all should flee to Colorado Springs so you can hang out with your meth-fueled pastor.
Love,
Liger
42 Deerslayer // Nov 9, 2006 at 11:12 am
BAGHDAD, Iraq (AP) - Nearly simultaneous car bombs struck two markets in predominantly Shiite areas of Baghdad on Thursday, killing at least 16 people, as many Iraqis cheered the resignation of U.S. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld.
This isn’t wupposed to happen with the Dems “in-charge”
Hey Nancy, call your DOGS OFF!
43 JamesonLewis3rd // Nov 9, 2006 at 11:12 am
I don’t see how the expression “sour grapes” applies to anything anyone has posted here.
44 nylecoj // Nov 9, 2006 at 11:15 am
mmmm grapes!
45 nylecoj // Nov 9, 2006 at 11:15 am
They didn’t get the ‘eat crow’ definition right either JL3. Perhaps it is a food obsession.
46 Just Ranting // Nov 9, 2006 at 11:17 am
Re: 22
James Carville is Sluggo!!!
47 J. Cougar Melancholy // Nov 9, 2006 at 11:25 am
Ahh, (yawn, stretch) another great day America! The Dems took the Senate as well. Whaddya know! High fives all around! The entire World is cheering and declaring the end of a 6 year Hades. Bush must have a monster hangover from his power drunk as he escorts the ugly chick (beloved Rummy) out of the dorm room without cab fare or even a bagel.
Rejoice Scrapplers! Everyone wins in this one. Thank your lucky stars Pelosi is out to govern, not bring forth criminal investigations and grand jury indictments, which she could very well do. Everyone wins!
I wonder if JeriKKKo got any sleep last night. He’s got to be spent from all his racist “pot bangin”.
Think about it. Perhaps this IS what God wanted since he knows and controls all.
Lil’ Blue Senates y’all
48 upnorthlurkin // Nov 9, 2006 at 11:42 am
Yeah, JCM….you and the terrorists are all celebrating! Let me know how fun it is to have a freedom fighter as a next door neighbor!
Terrorists 1
Security 0
yawn….
49 Pedro // Nov 9, 2006 at 11:46 am
“On CBS’ “Early Show,” Bartlett was asked what is on the menu for the President’s lunch with Leader Pelosi. “For the president, it’s probably a little bit of crow,” he quipped.”
HA HA HA HA HA!!!!
I love it.
Love,
Liger
50 nylecoj // Nov 9, 2006 at 11:47 am
If Pelosi had anything to base them on she would be jumping all over criminal investigations.
Statesmanship is not the reason.
51 RedPepper // Nov 9, 2006 at 11:53 am
“Three Christian high school girls were beheaded as a Ramadan ‘trophy’ by Indonesian militants who conceived the idea after a visit to Philippines jihadists, a court heard yesterday.”
Rest here.
Happy Ramadan, y’all …
52 upnorthlurkin // Nov 9, 2006 at 12:06 pm
Red Pepper, don’t worry, Lie-er and Cougie will negotiate with them if they try any of that terrorist stuff on us!!!
53 JamesonLewis3rd // Nov 9, 2006 at 12:06 pm
RE: #44~~
nylecoj~~
Right. And I know I’m just wasting my breath (pixels).
I think, besides being obsessive/compulsive, I’m usually passive/aggressive, as well.
I don’t usually say anything regarding such grammatical errors but, when it comes to people who are trying to portray themselves as intellectually/morally/philosophically superior, well…..
54 nylecoj // Nov 9, 2006 at 12:10 pm
JL3 Re#52 Sometimes it is very difficult to keep mum. You made a very good point with that correction, but as I am sure you noticed they had no trouble ignoring it.
55 Hawkeye // Nov 9, 2006 at 12:34 pm
Good one Scott! Makes me want to break out in a chorus of Kumbaya!
56 Bill's Bites // Nov 9, 2006 at 12:41 pm
Rumsfeld Resignation Sparks End to Iraq Fighting…
Rumsfeld Resignation Sparks End to Iraq FightingScott Ott (2006-11-09) — As news of the resignation of U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld filtered out through hundreds of newspapers, radio and TV stations in Iraq this morning, Sunni and Shiite …
57 rightlinx.com » Blog Archive » Laugh Links // Nov 9, 2006 at 12:42 pm
[...] Bullwinkle offers us his take on the election. Libertas has The Lucifer Interview. Scrappleface reports Rumsfeld Resignation Sparks End to Iraq Fighting. RightWingDuck shows us How To Deal With The Pain. And it will be fun to look back on Blame Bush’s warning us to Beware of Right-Wing Fearmongers. (Satire warning) [...]
58 upnorthlurkin // Nov 9, 2006 at 12:50 pm
Bwa-ha-ha-ha! Now a “spokesman” for Mookie al Sadr has come out and reminded the dhimmis if they don’t keep their campaign promises they’ll be dealt with in a brotherly manner!! You just can’t make this stuff up!!!
59 J. Cougar Melancholy // Nov 9, 2006 at 12:54 pm
Oh, puh-leeeze don’t align me with the terrorists peeps! I live in a Brooklyn neighborhood jam packed with Arabs. There’s a mosque in a brownstone less than a block away. One of the mothers wears a burka when she drops off her kid at my kids school. If I want to, I could make a very BOLD statement to these people. I choose not to as they choose to leave us alone. I’m embedded in this melting pot of diversity and we get along. We forge ahead in this new American day.
60 Darthmeister // Nov 9, 2006 at 1:13 pm
Whaddya know! High fives all around! The entire World is cheering and declaring the end of a 6 year Hades.
I like the company you share your attitude with, JCM. Real stellar intellectuals there and such lovers of liberty, too. Shows you how utterly insane the nutroots world is when it finds itself agreeing with Arab terrorists, nutbag Iranian and Syrian news sources and oppressive Muslim regimes… again! Can you say dhimmie?
I bet UBL is delighted with the election results, what do you think?
61 upnorthlurkin // Nov 9, 2006 at 1:14 pm
If the shoe fits…
62 Darthmeister // Nov 9, 2006 at 1:25 pm
JCM prefers the ostrich approach, never, ever look at the logical consequences of essentially celebrating in the Arab street.
The Democrats had better keep this one thing in mind the next two years, those votes in the middle are on loan until 2008. The Democrat’s new direction had better be one which benefits Americans, increases stability in the Middle East, and results in the further destruction of Islamofascist infrastructure thus making America safer yet.
Now that the DemDonks are vested in the war on terror, no more I-got-the-solution-but-I-ain’t-telling-because-it-might-benefit-the-Bush-Administration. Any negative fallout from premature disengagement in Iraq will be placed squarely at the feet of the Donks, where it belongs.
If you don’t think things can get any worse, JCM, just look at post-withdrawal Vietnam and the millions of lives that were shattered because of that betrayal by Congressional Democrats in 1975. And you bet we conservatives will be here to remind you of that historical reality if Iraq turns into a real hellhole because of Democratic appeasement and cowardice. But if the Democrats’ “plan” (whatever that may be) does result in a more peaceful Iraq, then I will be the first to celebrate and give credit where credit is due.
63 debass // Nov 9, 2006 at 9:24 pm
My new bumper sticker.
Terrorists don’t let their friends vote Republican.
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