(2006-10-28) — On the very day that the New York Times featured a major investigative piece about the use of hand sanitizer by politicians on the campaign trail, the makers of the popular brand Purell announced release of a new product made specifically for politicians and people like them — Purell Mouth Sanitizer.
While the hand gel is shown to kill 99.9 percent of germs and bacteria which are often spread by human contact, the new mouth sanitizer was formulated to prevent the viral spread of dirty, bitter and vitriolic political speech.
According to a news release from the company, “Just a quick squirt, swish and spit before stepping up to the microphone and Purell Mouth Sanitizer eliminates not only the words that make others sick, but it even protects a politician from speech that can harm one’s own career, thanks to a special ingredient we call Gaffe-B-Gone.”
Purell designed the product for the political niche market, however it will soon be available over the counter for home use by the general public, and experts say divorce lawyers could be hardest hit.
While an unnamed company spokesman said she expects Purell Mouth Sanitizer to be a hit, she cautioned that it only deals with the outward symptoms, not the source.
“Our scientists are still working on that,” she said, “but unfortunately the launch of Purell Heart & Mind Sanitizer is still several years off.”
25 responses so far ↓
1 Scott Ott // Oct 28, 2006 at 7:28 am
New Purell Product for Politicians: Mouth Sanitizer…
by Scott Ott(2006-10-28) — On the very day that the New York Times featured a major investigative piece about the use of hand sanitizer by politicians on the campaign trail, the makers of the popular brand Purell announced release of a new product……
2 Anonymous // Oct 28, 2006 at 7:54 am
God Bless America!
JamesonLewis3rd
3 onlineanalyst // Oct 28, 2006 at 7:57 am
The media have all but washed out opposing points of view and complete presention of facts with their Truth-Be-Gone™ sanitizer. With a Dem majority (and Google algorhthym complicity®-see China and/or Iran) the threats to presenting opposing opinion in the blogosphere and through the resurrection of the Fairness Doctrine on the airwaves, free speech and thought will go down the drain with the newest “cleanser”. How will anyone be able to stand on a soapbox in a world “protected” in a Leftist bubble?
4 Anonymous // Oct 28, 2006 at 8:02 am
I left a comment a few minutes ago.
It said:
God Bless America!
It was there, I saw it.
It was #2.
I logged out, made a vain attempt to log back in.
Now it is gone.
5 Loki, E.NC.Z.B-K // Oct 28, 2006 at 8:03 am
Where can I get a bottle of this stuff? I have a few subjects to test it on…
*This comment has been Sanitized*
6 Anonymous // Oct 28, 2006 at 8:03 am
Now it’s back.
7 onlineanalyst // Oct 28, 2006 at 8:05 am
Some politicos may need a complete hosing with that Purell™ stuff.
8 gafisher // Oct 28, 2006 at 8:13 am
Meanwhile, “2008 Flushes” is being readied for the next Presidential campaign cycle, while the Tidy Bowl man is already sailing up the Potomac.
9 Anonymous // Oct 28, 2006 at 8:21 am
James 3
Let not many of you become teachers, my brethren, knowing that as such we will incur a stricter judgment. For we all stumble in many ways. If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to bridle the whole body as well. Now if we put the bits into the horses’ mouths so that they will obey us, we direct their entire body as well. Look at the ships also, though they are so great and are driven by strong winds, are still directed by a very small rudder wherever the inclination of the pilot desires. So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things.
See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell. For every species of beasts and birds, of reptiles and creatures of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by the human race. But no one can tame the tongue ; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison. With it we blessour Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God; from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be this way. Does a fountain send out from the same opening both fresh and bitter water? Can a fig tree, my brethren, produce olives, or a vine produce figs? Nor can salt water produce fresh.
Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.
(NASU)
10 Anonymous // Oct 28, 2006 at 8:31 am
Is there a version of that stuff I can apply directly to my forehead?
Apply directly to my forehead?
Apply directly to my forehead?
Better yet, a version I can apply directly to my television?
Apply directly to my television?
Apply directly to my television?
11 Fred Sinclair // Oct 28, 2006 at 8:35 am
Perhaps Allen can get a brain sanitizer for Webb if they can produce it.
Morning TV says the porno quotes from Webb’s books are evidence of how scared the Republicans are, that they go and drag up “old stuff” from books that have been on the shelves for years.
If this “old stuff” has been around for years, how come Harry Reid hasn’t told the voters about the diseased mind that writes such pornographic material?
Fred Sinclair, Heirborn Ranger
12 GnuCarSmell // Oct 28, 2006 at 8:37 am
But does it prevent foot-in-mouth disease?
13 Ms RightWing, Ink // Oct 28, 2006 at 9:08 am
I sprayed my TV set with the soap during prime time now nothing comes out of my idiot box, except on TCM-which is about the only safe place on TV nowadays
14 Beerme // Oct 28, 2006 at 9:33 am
I suppose the behavior of Webb in playing the macaca card relentlessly and running the “I heard from a friend of a friend of a cousin that Allen used the N word a hundred years ago” campaign makes this sort of tripe apropos, but it is a shame that such a tawdry point is being made by Allen’s campaign. It is a cheap shot and I calls ‘em like I sees ‘em!
15 Just Ranting // Oct 28, 2006 at 9:43 am
The “Heart and Mind Sanitizer” was introduced to the public over 2000 years ago. Nothing works better nor is anything as long lasting. The problem is that it is free for the asking. No legitimate purveyor makes a profit on it. Makes you wonder why more people don’t make use of it, doesn’t it? Must be a problem in the marketing department.
16 Anonymous // Oct 28, 2006 at 10:02 am
Just wondering… if this product was used on the left wing blogs, would there ever be any commentary and/or comments?
Just a thought.
Regards,
egospeak
17 onlineanalyst // Oct 28, 2006 at 10:42 am
Apologies for another spello re algorithm. My version had such a good beat that I thought we could dance with it. Besides, the word has so much in common with algore’s name that I had to create another term for the internet’s web working.
18 Mrs. Kajun // Oct 28, 2006 at 12:23 pm
Re: #15
Amen!
19 Ms RightWing, Ink // Oct 28, 2006 at 12:29 pm
Boy, my Internet is jumping from page to page. Firefox says it is not receiving the messages. Hmm, sanitized to much
20 Darthmeister // Oct 28, 2006 at 1:33 pm
Mr. Clean is blushing.
So much for kissing babies.
And remember, Webb’s prurient and salacious pulp fiction is considered “high art” by liberal DemDonks … if the truth be told in civil circles.
21 da Bunny // Oct 28, 2006 at 2:16 pm
Perhaps some of that “heart and mind sanitizer” could be sprayed in Webb’s direction. What utter FILTH!
22 camojack // Oct 28, 2006 at 2:30 pm
I guess this is the 21st Century version of washing one’s mouth out with soap…
23 R.A.M. // Oct 28, 2006 at 3:48 pm
da Bunny: You beat me too Webb!
It is sickening to hear Alan Colmes and his ilk say things like, “Webb was only describing what he saw, not doing it.”
I guess with that logic it would be OK to describe to ColmesIN DETAIL a partial birth abortion, or a drunk throwing up, how a person looked after a fall from 70 stories off the World Trade Center, etc.
The point being, what vulgar Webb described was NOT necessary to his book. Neither was his describing of the sex scene between two adolescents that Mark Levin quoted partially from the book.
Webb did it as any vulgar author who wants to titilate the reader.
It makes me sick to hear Bob Beckel defend him SIMPLY because he is a war veteran. BUT, at least Beckel had the guts to face the Navy members last night, filling in for Colmes, who obviously chickened out!
When Beckel blasted the President he got a BIG Bronx cheer!
24 da Bunny // Oct 28, 2006 at 4:09 pm
R.A.M., you’re right. Webb’s “descriptions” were merely gratuitous smut. And if, as Alan Commie says, Webb is just “describing what he saw,” well, doesn’t that make Webb a voyeuristic pervert? Commie Colmes and Blowhole Bob Beckel are just trash defending trash.
25 The American Mind / Clean Campaigning // Oct 29, 2006 at 12:30 am
[…] UPDATE: ScrappleFace “reports” on a new product: “Purell Mouth Sanitizer.” […]
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