(2006-04-27) — In an effort to recover from his all-time low approval ratings, President George Bush yesterday appointed conservative commentator Tony Snow as White House Press Secretary. In related news, Democrat National Committee Chairman Howard Dean said he’s close to naming a new spokesman for the DNC. While Mr. Dean wouldn’t disclose the name, he said, “I think we’ll have him on board by June, if the ratings trend at Air America continues.”

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld held top level talks with Iraqi government officials yesterday in an effort to shore up President George Bush’s sagging approval ratings. Rice and Rumsfeld welcomed incoming Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri Kamal al-Maliki by singing a duet of the traditional Hawaiian song, ‘Meli Kalikimaka’.

Iran’s supreme Islamic leader yesterday threatened to retaliate against American targets if the U.S. attacks Iran over its uranium enrichment program. Ayatollah Ali Khamenei made the threat in an effort to help President George Bush recover from historically-low approval ratings.

White House political advisor Karl Rove appeared before a grand jury again yesterday to answer questions about the alleged leak of a CIA employee’s name to reporters in 2003. Mr. Rove, after his fifth appearance before the panel, said he thinks he did well, and hopes that he makes it to the finals.

A bipartisan Senate committee will release a report this week recommending that the Federal Emergency Management Agency be shut down after it botched the response to Hurricane Katrina. The scathing report will note that FEMA’s bloated bureaucracy led to mismanagement, lack of communication and failure to coordinate its efforts with local and state agencies. The Senate panel will propose replacing FEMA with a new bloated bureaucracy, under a different name, with a lot more money.

With gasoline prices over three dollars per gallon in most parts of the country, the Senate Finance Committee yesterday called for major U.S. oil companies to hand over their tax records. Republican Sen. Charles Grassley said, the Senate wants to know if the federal government is “getting it’s fair share of the action.” In related news, Exxon today called for the IRS to turn over its financial records as part of an informal investigation to discover how the federal government manages to take in $2 trillion per year in taxes, and yet still has to borrow money to fund operations.

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