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White House Issues New Port Security Guidelines

by Scott Ott for ScrappleFace · 6 Comments · · Print This Story Print This Story

(2006-02-21) — In an effort to quiet concerns in Congress and elsewhere over a deal that would have a Dubai-based company running six major U.S. sea ports, the White House today released new security guidelines for vessels and crews.

The new measures, based on the popular Transportation Security Administration (TSA) protocols, “will keep the homeland safe while demonstrating our cultural sensitivity by allowing our Arab friends to control these major access points to our country,” according to White House spokesman Scott McClellan.

“Every friendship requires vulnerability,” Mr. McClellan said. “We demonstrate our love for our friends in the United Arab Emirates by trusting them, without regard to previous wrongs.”

The White House spokesman acknowledged that love, by definition, often results in pain, but added, “it’s better to have loved and lost a major metropolitan area, than never to have loved at all.”

Here are the new guidelines that Dubai Ports World will use to ensure security when it runs the ports in New York and New Jersey, Philadelphia, Baltimore, Miami and New Orleans.

- Crew members of outgoing vessels must remove their shoes, and place any metallic items in the tug boat bin.
- Ship captains will be asked to affirm that no one unknown to them has asked them to transport any cargo, and that the shipping containers have been in their possession throughout their journey.
- Captains must stay with their ships at all times. Unattended ships may be confiscated and subject to search.
- Although 95 percent of cargo passes through U.S. ports un-inspected, Arab port officials have the authority to hand-wand and pat down the cargo and crew of any vessel if they suspect the presence of nuclear, chemical or biological weapons.
- Ship crews may not joke about bombs or other weapons while in port. For example, the following witty banter is prohibited:
Q: How many jihadists on board a Maltese-flagged ship does it take to set off an electromagnetic pulse that disables every communication and power circuit in New York, bringing the Great Satan to his knees?
A: It takes two jihadists: one to distract the port-security official by removing his head, and the other to disembark with the nuclear device and take a taxi to Wall Street for detonation among the infidels.

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Tags: U.S. News

6 responses so far ↓

  • 1 California Conservative » White House Issues New Port Security Guidelines // Feb 21, 2006 at 12:52 pm

    [...] And Scott Ott was the only one to receive them. He reports: [...]

  • 2 California Conservative » White House Issues New Port Security Guidelines // Feb 21, 2006 at 12:53 pm

    [...] And Scott Ott was the only one to receive them. He reports: (2006-02-21) — In an effort to quiet concerns in Congress and elsewhere over a deal that would have a Dubai-based company running six major U.S. sea ports, the White House today released new security guidelines for vessels and crews. [...]

  • 3 Mover Mike // Feb 21, 2006 at 1:29 pm

    Selling Our Ports to Dubai

    I have not written anything until now about selling our ports to Dubai, because I felt only an idiot would sell such a thing to those on the other side, even if we call them “our friends”. I mean why don’t we outsource our border security to Venezu…

  • 4 CaNN :: We started it. // Feb 24, 2006 at 10:14 pm

    [...] BUSH DIGS IN.. on an inadvisable move to allow an Arab company to take over six major U.S. seaports. “Dubai media outlets are calling critics and skeptics of the port sellout “Islamophobes.” If demanding that our government put American security interests above foreign business interests makes me an “Islamophobe,” and if wanting to know the full details of the who, what, when, where, and why of this UAE government deal, secretly approved by the Treasury Dept.-led Committee on Foreign Investments in the US, makes me an “Islamophobe,” I plead guilty.” Scrappleface nails it …. (michellemalkin, scrappleface) [...]

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  • 6 nabejero // Sep 25, 2009 at 1:51 am

    [...] White House Issues New Port Security Guidelines “Every friendship requires vulnerability,” Mr. McClellan said. “We demonstrate our love for our friends in the United Arab Emirates by trusting them, without regard to previous wrongs.” [...]

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