(2005-07-16) — With hopes for a second Supreme Court vacancy crushed by Chief Justice William Rehnquist’s plans to serve until three years after his own death, the White House has narrowed the search for a nominee to replace the retiring Sandra Day O’Connor to a short list of conservative conjoined twins.
“President Bush is eager to pack the court with right-wing ideologues,” said an unnamed White House source. “Since we only get to nominate one right now, we think we can make a strong case for replacing O’Connor with conjoined twins. It’s one set of DNA, so technically that’s one person. The diversity-first crowd will be thrilled, and our conservative base will get two advocates for the price of one.”
The source noted the importance of finding conjoined twins who share an originalist view of the Constitution.
“The court is divide enough already without having one justice split down the middle,” he said.
A USA Today poll shows 78 percent of Americans would support such a nomination if the conjoined twins were also female, Hispanic, red-haired and morbidly obese.
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1 Anonymous // Jul 16, 2005 at 8:07 am
Rehnquist Says He’s Staying
Supreme Court Chief Justice William H. Rehnquist, denying rumors of his retirement, said he will con
2 basil's blog // Jul 16, 2005 at 9:05 am
Brunch: 7/16/2005
Try one of these specials with your supper: Harvey (Bad Example version) finds an interpretation of the Scripture that … sucks. The Meatriarchy is looking for hotties … you won’t believe where. ScrappleFace says Bush has narrowed the search. Eyes