(2005-05-06) — Perplexing new evidence that earth has grown brighter in the past decade sparked scientists at the United Nations today to warn that the planet has become “a virtual Roach Motel with a one-way door for sunbeams.”

“The sun’s increased ability to penetrate the earth’s smog-stained atmosphere doesn’t necessarily mean that more of the sun’s reflected energy can also leave the atmosphere,” according to a hastily-released U.N. study. “You see, the atmosphere is like a gigantic Roach Motel — light and heat can check in, but they can’t check out. So, the atmosphere is cleaner on the outside than on the inside. It’s kind of like the average suburban home or family minivan.”

Scientists had previously claimed that record high temperatures in the 1990s were caused by global warming resulting from greenhouse gases — primarily carbon dioxide, methane and nitrous oxide — trapped in the atmosphere by pollutants produced by burning fossil fuels.

“However,” the U.N. report states, “the new evidence that more sunlight pouring through a cleaner stratosphere may have spurred the temperature increases shouldn’t cause people to lose faith in global warming. In others words, don’t let contradictory evidence stand in the way of your conclusions. We urge the nations of the world to approve the Kyoto protocols on global warming while there’s still time.”

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