(2005-03-01) — Cable News Network’s decision to start accepting advertising from hard liquor distributors was driven “strictly by our high regard for journalistic ethics,” according to an unnamed CNN spokesman.

“We’re sensitive to accusations that our news coverage may have a certain slant or spin,” said the CNN source. “Our focus groups tell us that when you consume distilled spirits, that slant seems to straighten up and the spin reverses. We believe our news becomes more credible to those who enjoy these products in abundance.”

Reporters at other news organizations, however, were shocked by CNN’s linking of journalism with alcohol consumption.

“This is scandalous,” said one unnamed New York Times reporter. “Creating an association between professional journalists and liquor will do irreparable harm to our reputation for sober-minded analysis, and clear-headed reporting.”

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