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Jimmy Carter Attack Sub Armed with Nerf Missiles

by Scott Ott for ScrappleFace · No Comments

(2005-02-16) — The U.S. Navy on Saturday will commission its newest nuclear-powered attack submarine, the Jimmy Carter, with many new features, including multiple-warhead Nerf missiles.

President Carter, who brought peace to the middle east, vigorously defended America’s right to give away the Panama Canal and, in 1994, convinced North Korea to abandon talking about its nuclear weapons, said he’s honored to have his name on “one of the most powerful peacemaking devices on earth.”

Jimmy Carter is the first of the American Seahare-class subs, featuring a high-tech sonar system which alerts enemy forces to its presence and a safety device on the Nerf missiles which allows firing only after an enemy missile impact.

“This new generation of nuclear submarines is designed to use trust in our enemies as our first line of defense,” said an unnamed Navy spokesman.

President Carter has invited leaders from North Korea and Iran to the commissioning ceremony, during which former First Lady Rosalyn Carter, in a time-honored Navy tradition, will give the first order to “man our ship, bring her to life then park her over there by the dock!”

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0 responses so far ↓

  • 1 GOP and the City // Feb 16, 2005 at 11:16 am

    SS Jimmy Carter

    A couple of observations on the SS Jimmy Carter.

  • 2 basil's blog // Feb 16, 2005 at 11:50 am

    Wednesday Menu: Black Eye Peas

    For your mid-day dining pleasure, we offer you to choose from one of these specialties: Confederate Yankee is following the CBS/memo story. La Shawn Barber follows it, too. As does Wizbang. As does Wonkette. aTypicalJoe goes on an outing. Chase

  • 3 Mazurland Weblog // Feb 16, 2005 at 5:24 pm

    Ironic?

    The Navy has commissioned the nuclear powered “attack” submarine Jimmy Carter.

  • 4 Mudville Gazette // Feb 16, 2005 at 9:59 pm

    Leave ‘em Laughing

    With some blasts from the past. Jimmy Carter - the attack sub. 1985. Launch video by clicking that same thing in the link. Those my age will laugh. We’ve already had our big chill. A few years younger and you…

  • 5 Shot In The Dark // Feb 17, 2005 at 11:56 am

    Abandon Ship

    The dedication of the attack/special ops submarine USS Jimmy Carter has prompted many a look back at the Carter Administration, from the hilarious to the furious. I’m going to add my two cents. Eventually….

  • 6 Critical Mastiff // Feb 19, 2005 at 11:28 pm

    Ding!

    I was bemused when I saw that our newest and most lethal attack submarine has been named the USS Jimmy Carter. Fortunately, Scrappleface has cleared up much of my confusion: “Jimmy Carter Attack Sub Armed With Nerf Missiles”

  • 7 The Open End // Feb 20, 2005 at 8:55 pm

    Re: USS Jimmy Carter?

    More information about the new Jimmy Carter sub has surfaced (pardon the pun).