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Kerry: I’ll Kill Bin Laden with My Bare Hands

by Scott Ott for ScrappleFace · No Comments

(2004-09-24) — As part of his continued effort to portray himself as tougher on terrorism than President Bush, Democrat rival John Forbes Kerry said today, “When I’m President of the United States, I will kill Usama bin Laden with my own bare hands.”

“George W. Bush let bin Laden escape from Tora Bora, because Bush never served in combat,” said Mr. Kerry, a professional Vietnam veteran who is also a U.S. Senator. “When I’m president I will make it my personal priority to track down bin Laden and slay him with these mighty, sinewy hands.”

Mr. Kerry said he would “hunt bin Laden like a migratory waterfowl-pursuing him on bicycle, windsurfing board, skis and even my family’s SUV if necessary. Yes, I’m so serious about defending America from terror that I’m willing to sully the atmosphere for a time, if that’s what it takes.”

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Tags: Politics

0 responses so far ↓

  • 1 mypetjawa v. 2.0 (beta) // Sep 24, 2004 at 10:13 am

    Morning Reads

    The most important meal of the day is breakfast, or so I’m told. So why not fill up with Blog-crunch, fortified with these essential vitamins and minerals: -The Demosophist says what a lot of my readers have suggested: implant tracking…

  • 2 Spacecraft // Sep 24, 2004 at 12:25 pm

    Killin Bin Laden

    Kerry’s got a plan. I wonder what will happen if UBL turns out to be a Boojum. He had bought a large map representing the sea, Without the least vestige of land: And the crew were much pleased when they…