(2004-07-15) — Long recognized as the brains behind President George Bush and the real controlling force in the White House, Vice President Dick Cheney has begun circulating rumors that he’s fabricating rationale for his own premature departure from the administration, according to political insiders.
Mr. Cheney plans to replace himself, sources said, with a less conservative Republican like Sen. John McCain, former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani or Secretary of State Colin Powell. “Cheney’s left-wing coup,” as insiders call the plot, would fulfill the vice president’s lifelong mission to free the Republican party from conservative control.
“Cheney is the evil genius behind the Bush regime,” said an unnamed political strategist. “If rumors swirl about dropping him from the ticket, it’s only because Dick Cheney wants them to swirl. He controls absolutely everything in the military-industrial complex through his role as vice president and as the secret CEO of Halliburton.”
Within the next month, experts predict Mr. Cheney will orchestrate news stories implicating him in a “personal and private moral failure,” forcing the president to ask for his resignation. Mr. Cheney’s hand-picked “centrist” successor will chase away the GOP’s conservative base, resulting in the election of Democrat John Forbes Kerry, thus completing Cheney’s left-wing coup.
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1 Arguing with signposts... // Jul 15, 2004 at 6:18 pm
I Snark the ’90s - citizen media edition
You know, I have an idea for a “reality TV show.” All we’d do is take the raw footage from MTV’s “I Love the -s” series of series, and tape bloggers doing the snarking. (Yes, I know it’s really VH1,…