(2004-04-28) — On the eve of his scheduled appearance before the commission investigating the 9/11 terror attacks, U.S. President George Bush tonight struck a deal with the panel to avoid testifying, in exchange for signing an affidavit laying the blame for the attacks on Vice President Dick Cheney.
According to the affidavit, the president alleges that Mr. Cheney knew Usama bin Laden planned to crash commercial airliners into American buildings sometime in the second week of September 2001, but the vice president did nothing to stop it, “because he was still trying to win the Cold War and get all of al Qaeda’s oil.”
Mr. Bush reportedly phoned the vice president after signing the affidavit and apologized for “ratting him out.”
“I told Dick it was nothing personal, but one of us was going down and it sure wasn’t going to be me,” Mr. Bush said. “Now that America knows that 9/11 was Dick Cheney’s fault, I hope we can put this all behind us and get on with the business of alienating the global community and reducing our nation’s surplus of civil rights.”
