(2004-01-30) — Rush Limbaugh’s medical records contain stunning revelations about the top-rated radio personality, according to an expert who has examined the files.
“Blood pressure and pulse readings recorded in these records indicate that Rush Limbaugh actually may have a four-chamber heart,” said the unnamed expert who read the records on a lunchroom bulletin board at the Palm Beach County prosecutors office. “The heart evidence, along with temperature readings and other data, would almost lead one to conclude that Rush Limbaugh is a mammal — possibly human. And since he was born in the United States, he may be a citizen, entitled to protection from ‘unreasonable searches and seizures’ under the Fourth Amendment of the Constitution, and to ‘due process of law’ under the Fifth Amendment.”
The unnamed expert cautioned that his conclusions were “purely speculative,” and should have little effect upon how the prosecutor’s office handles the case.
