(2006-07-05) — North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il today acknowledged that he had ordered yesterday’s missile strikes against the Sea of Japan in response to what he called “threatening and provocative movements” that the body of water had made against his nation’s coastline.

U.S. sources said that as many seven missiles, including one long-range, short-flight Taepodong 2, penetrated the surface of the sea in a terrifying display of North Korean ballistic technology prowess.

“This clearly demonstrates our status as a global superpower,” said Mr. Kim, “The Democratic Peoples Republic of Korea is quite capable of raining fire from the sky upon any body of water that approaches our shores, or even thinks about it.”

The North Korean leader said the attack should “put other seas on notice that our precision-guided munitions can strike you at any time.”

Meanwhile, China made a “goodwill gesture” aimed at gaining Mr. Kim’s trust and ending the nuclear crisis on the Korean peninsula by offering to provide replacements for the expended missiles.

“The people of North Korea can barely eat,” said an unnamed China spokesman, “So where would they get the money to buy new missiles? We consider this a humanitarian offer.”

(2006-07-04) — New Jersey Gov. Jon Corzine inadvertently sent himself home today, along with the Democrat-dominated legislature, when he ordered non-essential elements of the government shut down during a budget impasse.

Without a new budget, the New Jersey constitution says the state lacks the authority to spend money, so government agencies like the lottery, motor vehicles bureau, parks and recreation department and the state gaming commission were all ordered to shut down, along with the executive and legislative branches of state government.

Gov. Corzine, who forced the budget fight by proposing an increase in the state’s sales tax, had no comment, since his press secretary is also off the job.

Meanwhile, a spokesman for 45,000 idled New Jersey state workers denied that the budget impasse was the cause, calling their idleness “a pre-existing condition.”