(2006-05-31) — Although the Republican National Committee chairman this week called her “a prehistoric Democrat,” and Rep. Nancy Pelosi referred to herself as “an Italian-American Catholic grandmother,” archaelogists in Rome today said there is no conclusive connection between Rep. Pelosi and a recently unearthed 3,000-year-old female skeleton.

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(2006-05-30) — Experts at the World Health Organization raised concerns of a possible pandemic as news broke this week of the first known case of ‘the culture of corruption’ afflicting a Democrat.

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THIS IS NOT SATIRE

She places the stems in the green plastic vase, and lightly pushes the blooms around until six colors work together. She approaches the stone, careful to avoid treading on the area directly before it. She pushes the spiked end of the vase into the rain-softened soil next to the stone. Her fingers flit across the petals, making slight adjustments, until she brings unity from diversity again. It pleases her to do so. She groans faintly as she stands straight. She steps back to take in the picture. A stone. Brightly dying flowers. Green grass.

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(2006-05-26) — Riding the crest of high approval ratings, al Qaeda mastermind Usama Bin Laden and former Iraqi President Saddam Hussein today nevertheless acknowledged that they had made mistakes in prosecuting the war against the ‘war on terror’.

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(2006-05-25) — Enron founder Kenneth Lay and former-CEO Jeff Skilling, found guilty today of a combined total of 25 fraud and conspiracy charges in the energy company’s collapse, announced that they would appeal the verdicts, and that they have launched a new joint-venture business.

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(2006-05-25) — Citing the recent Supreme Court eminent domain decision, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales today said the FBI was “operating within the law” when it raided the Congressional office of Rep. William Jefferson, D-LA, over the weekend.

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(2006-05-24) — Sen. Hillary Clinton, campaigning for nothing but reelection to the Senate, this week unveiled a national energy policy that calls for taxing the windfall profits of large oil companies in order to fund alternative energy sources that will eliminate America’s dependence on oil.

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