(2005-10-26) — If a presidential election were held this year, George Bush would either lose to an anonymous Democrat or win and be jailed for violating the term-limit provision found in the 22nd amendment to the Constitution, according to the latest CNN/USA Today/Gallup/Nabisco/Toys R Us Poll released Tuesday.

In the hypothetical matchup between the increasingly-unpopular two-term president and an unnamed Democrat, 75 percent of respondents said they liked the views, character and personal hygiene habits of the unnamed opponent better than those of the illegally-incumbent president. (more…)

(2005-10-25) — In yet another setback for the Bush administration, Iraqi electoral officials announced today that voters have approved the new Iraqi Constitution by a margin of 78-to-21 percent.

This new bit of bad news will likely drive President George Bush’s popularity ratings into the single digits, according to an unnamed expert from a non-partisan, progressive political think-tank. (more…)

(2005-10-24) — After failing in his attempt last week to divert $75 million in funding from the Alaskan ‘bridge to nowhere‘ project to repair the hurricane-damaged bridge across Lake Pontchartrain, Sen. Tom Coburn, R-OK, today introduced a revised version of the measure designed to satisfy his colleagues’ concerns, while still providing funding for the Louisiana project.

The new legislation would create a massive federal transportation project called ‘the bridge to everywhere’ — a 139,000-mile elevated highway which would start on a small, sparsely-populated Alaskan island, wind its way through all 50 states (including Hawaii) and end up in New Orleans after crossing Lake Pontchartrain. (more…)

(2005-10-22) — New York Times executive editor Bill Keller today joined President George Bush in a vow not to be distracted by “background noise, chatter, speculation and opining” about the scandal surrounding the unmasking of Valerie Wilson as a CIA operative.

“The American people expect me to do my job, and I’m going to,” said Mr. Keller. “I’m focused like a laser on correcting mispellings, improving syntax and wondering to myself whether my reporters are behaving ethically out there.” (more…)

(2005-10-21) — Deputy White House Chief of Staff Karl Rove today said that if a grand jury indicts him on charges related to the disclosure of Valerie Wilson’s CIA role, forcing him to resign, Mr. Rove will still help President George Bush to think.

The long-time Bush friend and strategist said he would continue, on a strictly volunteer basis, to aide the president in making decisions even if he has to do it “through letters or brief prison visits.” (more…)

(2005-10-20) — Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers has ignited another firestorm on Capitol Hill with her ‘inadequate and insulting’ written answers to several questions from the Senate Judiciary Committee, according to unnamed Senate sources.

Within her 57-page response to the committee’s questionnaire, Miss Miers deals with controversies surrounding her selection process and her views on abortion, judicial activism and the Constitution itself.

In particular, sources say, the following questions and responses will likely draw intense scrutiny when confirmation hearings begin some time in the next two years. (more…)

(2005-10-18) — Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers, making the rounds among influential Senators yesterday, refused to answer questions about her views on the landmark abortion case, Roe v. Wade (1973), citing her right to privacy as found in the 1965 Griswold v. Connecticut Supreme Court ruling that served as the key precedent for the Roe decision.

She also refused to answer whether she thinks Griswold is ’settled law’, again citing the 1965 decision.

“If under Griswold, people have a right to privacy in the purchase contraceptives,” Miss Miers said, “I certainly have a right to protect myself from unwanted questions.” (more…)

(2005-10-17) — Congressional Republicans today announced a plan to make real spending cuts in the fiscal 2006 budget, as part of a new approach that one House Republican called a ‘conservative’ agenda.

“The GOP transition from ‘the party of compassionate deficits’, to one that advocates lean federal budgets and local solutions to local problems could take years,” according to an unnamed legislative aide, “but it’s a radical experiment that’s worth a shot.”

Some Republicans immediately bristled at the new term ‘conservative’ because it suggests a stubborn reluctance to create generous new entitlement programs, like the Medicare prescription drug benefit, with taxpayer dollars.

“How in the world are we going to buy votes if we can’t use the voters’ money to do so?” said one seven-term Congressional veteran. “You start throwing that word ‘conservative’ around, and people will expect us to reduce spending, focus on national defense and get the government off the backs of small businesses. Ordinary Republicans will wonder what happened to the party of Lincoln…you know, Lincoln Chafee.”

Meanwhile, Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-NY, today introduced a bill to ban all federal government funding of abortions, a medical procedure she called “barbaric”, in an effort to “restore America’s respect for human life.”

(2005-10-16) — Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald, who has devoted two years to investigating who leaked the name of CIA operative Valerie Wilson, has reportedly narrowed his probe in the past week to focus on who unmasked a covert blogging operation at The New York Times.

Bloggers, the generally cranky, rumor-mongering pseudo pundits who lack editorial oversight, expressed shock this week to learn that The New York Times itself had secretly employed former reporter Judith Miller as a blogger who operated behind the facade of the Times’ masthead.

As word of the reporter’s secret mission began to trickle from the newsroom, the paper yesterday was forced to ‘out’ itself in a nearly 6,000-word piece that fanned the flame of controversy surrounding Ms. Miller’s covert activities.

According to the article, the formerly-respected journalist had allegedly been doing whatever she wanted at the Times, much to the annoyance of her colleagues, without submitting to the controlling influence of editors.

Editorial oversight, experts say, is the key distinction between journalists and bloggers.

Mr. Fitzgerald will now reportedly seek a warrant to search Ms. Miller’s home and office in an attempt to confirm her blogger status before pursuing the source of the leak.

One unnamed Justice Department official said, “If they find a computer and a pair of pajamas in this same room, Fitzgerald will have all he needs to establish intent to blog.”

The journalist who first revealed Valerie Wilson’s CIA employment, columnist Robert Novak, remains at large.

(2005-10-15) — In order to generate interest among American TV journalists in covering today’s referendum on the new Iraqi constitution, the National Assembly has approved random distribution of some 7,000 exploding paper ballots.

“Most voters will emerge from the precinct today with an ink-stained purple finger,” said Iraqi Prime Minister Ibrahim al-Jaafari, “but every once in a while, a blackened citizen will stagger out with smoldering eyebrows. It’s good video. This is a Fox News alert.”

The pressure-sensitive ballots go off with “a flash and a bang, creating temporary chaos and minor injuries”, according to Mr. al-Jaafari, who acknowledged that the stunt would not likely induce TV journalists to actually read the constitution, or analyze its implications for Iraq, its Arab neighbors or the global war on terror.