(2004-11-30) — Citing creative differences with the Bush administration, Director of Homeland Security Tom Ridge today resigned his cabinet post to become the new CEO of Binney & Smith, makers of Crayola crayons.
“It’s a growth opportunity for me,” said an emotional Mr. Ridge at a hastily-called news conference. “I’m 59 now, and it’s time to [...]

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(2004-11-30) — A White House spokesman today denied reports than President George Bush will defect or seek asylum in Canada as a way to protest what some experts see as a right-wing takeover of the U.S. government.
The initial report apparently came from an unnamed Canadian immigration official who said, “Mr. Bush is a celebrity who [...]

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(2004-11-30) — Just a day after The New York Times leaked excerpts from a confidential Red Cross report claiming that detainees at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, have undergone psychological and physical coercion “tantamount to torture,” the Times has printed a second story alleging that Al Qaeda-linked terrorists in Iraq conduct interrogations “tantamount to beheading.”
Al Qaeda terror [...]

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(2004-11-27) — Inspired by a public pledge from Ukrainian TV journalists to provide unbiased reporting from now on, CBS News has launched an internal investigation to assess the potential impact of such a move.
“If it tests well in our focus groups, you can bet that Dan Rather will break the story,” said an unnamed spokesman [...]

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(2004-11-26) — The United Nations Security Council today takes up debate on a resolution to send troops to quell the crisis which has shaken the government of Kofi Annan.
“We must send troops to Annan to bring order out of chaos,” said one unnamed diplomat. “This regime has presided over financial malfeasance, sexual misconduct and corruption [...]

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(2004-11-26) — After a week of tough negotiating by France, Germany and Britain, the Islamic Republic of Iran has conceded to reduce the size of nuclear warheads it will use in the eventual bombing of Paris, Berlin and London.
“Iran blinked,” said French Foreign Minister Michel Barnier, who is a man. “We have achieved everything we [...]

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(2004-11-25) — In an effort to soothe political tensions in the Ukraine following what observers called a fraudulent national election, Russian President Vladimir Putin today proposed that the United Nations “make the election legal.”
Mr. Putin, whose diplomatic foresight allowed him to congratulate Prime Minister Viktor Yanukovich for winning the Ukrainian presidency even before the [...]

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