by Scott Ott
(2005-08-26) -- After weeks of failure by the Iraqi National Assembly to approve a draft of a new national charter, President George Bush today intervened and required the legislative body to adopt a constitution he recently composed while on vacation in Texas.
"I know most folks think I've just been goofing off and dodging Cindy Sheehan," said Mr. Bush, "but while I was sitting by the pool, sipping a sweet tea, I actually knocked out a pretty decent little Iraqi constitution. I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner. It's so much easier than waiting around for them to write their own."
The new document, which immediately received the backing of the 150,000-member U.S. occupation force, provides all the rights and privileges enjoyed in America, without the years of struggle and debate which the U.S. Constitution required.
The president said his Iraqi constitution "resolves ancient ethnic and religious tensions among Shi'ites, Sunnis and Kurds and creates an atmosphere of trust and peaceful fellowship between Iraqi citizens and the terrorists who have been blowing them up."
"I'm still working on the Iraqi national anthem," Mr. Bush added. "What I've got so far reminds me of Lee Greenwood's 'God Bless the USA' but I'm making it sound real foreign so Iraqis will feel like it's their own song."
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