by Scott Ott
(2005-04-18) -- In perhaps the most substantive attack to date on President Bush's nominee for U.N. Ambassador, Sen. Barbara Boxer, D-CA, today accused undersecretary of state John Bolton of secretly engineering the British invasion of American pop music in the 1960s.
But an angry, red-faced, enraged and furious Mr. Bolton responded to Sen. Boxer's allegations of his links with the Beatles by shouting, "I am not the eggman. I am not the walrus."
The California Senator said Mr. Bolton's clandestine funding of the Beatles, largely through purchasing their albums, "threatened American sovereignty and destroyed our native doo-wop tradition."
Mrs. Boxer based her allegations on anonymous reports from terrified former schoolmates who said Mr. Bolton not only bought Beatles albums, but encouraged others to do so, "and brutally disparaged American jazz and big band music."
An aide to the Senator said that if this tactic doesn't sink the nomination, "she is prepared to prove that Mr. Bolton is contributing to global warming by exhaling a toxin so powerful that it has bleached his facial hair."
"If it does that to his mustache," said the unnamed source, "imagine what it's doing to Mother Earth."
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