April 15, 2005
CIA Says Sen. Frist Lacks Nuclear Capability by Scott Ott (2005-04-15) -- Despite his threats to force a vote on President Bush's judicial nominees by changing Senate rules to prevent a Democrat filibuster, the top Republican Senator doesn't have the raw material to carry out "the nuclear option," according to the latest report from CIA analysts. "Our best human intelligence and imagery from satellites and drones has failed to produce evidence of nuclear-option readiness on the part of Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist," said an unnamed source at the CIA. "As far as we can tell, he lacks the basic ingredients necessary to deploy the nuclear option." The probe began after the CIA intercepted encrypted messages between Sen. Frist and North Korean President Kim Jong-Il in which the two exchanged tips on "playing the nuclear card." A spokesman for Sen. Frist said, "We're quite serious about enforcing the Constitutional mandate to hold an up-or-down vote on the president's nominees. If the Democrats continue to raise the specter of a filibuster, Sen. Frist plans to hold his breath until they relent." The unnamed spokesman declined to clarify previous remarks in which the Tennessee Republican said that if Democrats continue to block votes on judicial nominees, he would "turn the Senate into a lake of inconvenience and mild discomfort." Donate | More Satire | Printer-Friendly | |
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