by Scott Ott
(2005-02-22) -- In a last ditch effort to save his job, Harvard University President Larry Summers today compared female professors of math and science to Nazis, in a fashion reminiscent of Colorado Professor Ward Churchill's characterization of 9/11 victims.
"Female math and science professors form a technocratic corps at the very heart of America's global financial empire," Mr. Summers said, paraphrasing Mr. Churchill. "These little Eichmanns drive the mighty engine of profit to which the military dimension of U.S. policy has always been enslaved – and they do so both willingly and knowingly."
The Harvard faculty greeted the statement with a standing ovation, after which the faculty senate voted down a motion demanding Mr. Summers' resignation.
"Harvard has always been a bastion of intellectual freedom," said one unnamed female science professor. "If Ward Churchill can enjoy the liberty to call stock brokers little Eichmanns, then we support Larry Summers right to do the same to us. After all, we teach the people who go on to make the bombs and to pay for them. We have an intrinsic aptitude to do so."
The faculty senate then approved a motion "condemning all female Harvard faculty members for their role in all of the illegal, immoral, imperialistic wars America has fought since 1945 when Harvard appointed its first female instructor in basic sciences."
Donate | More Satire | Printer-Friendly |
Editor's Picks
