by Scott Ott
(2005-01-07) -- Just a day after the Center for Science in the Public Interest (CSPI) revealed that the epidemic of child obesity could be halted only by a moratorium on junk-food advertising to children, the makers of one wholesome food announced they would employ 'junk-food marketing' techniques in the war against juvenile fat.
The Succotash Marketing Board (SMB), whose members produce a tasty slurry of corn, lima beans, and tomatoes, said it would launch a $50 million dollar campaign this year "using the same proven techniques which now persuade parents to buy non-nutritive foods for their kids," according to an SMB spokesman.
The CSPI immediately applauded the SMB effort.
"Parents are at the mercy of Madison Avenue when it comes to feeding their children nutritious foods," the CPSI spokesman said. "And the only reason kids love fatty, salty, sugary stuff is because they're victims of slick marketing. The succotash industry is wise to employ the tactics of the enemy for the good of humanity."
The campaign will include TV commercials featuring hip-hop music and animated characters as well as plastic toys attached to every can and inside each frozen bag of succotash. The SMB is in "final negotations" for a co-promotional deal in conjunction with the May release of Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith.
"We're still trying to get George Lucas to work in a scene where Anakin Skywalker eats some succotash or at least expresses his love for it," the unnamed spokesman said. "However, we categorically deny rumors that Jar-Jar Binks will give birth to a baby named Succotash."
The industry source acknowledged that succotash advocates face an uphill battle, since most Americans associate 'suffering' with succotash thanks to the Loony Toons character Sylvester the Cat.
"We're still in focus groups with slogan development," he said. "We want to build on the brand awareness, but strip the stigma of suffering and association with speech impediments which Sylvester spawned."
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