by Scott Ott
(2004-11-25) -- Iran today announced that the plutonium it is allowed to produce under a recent agreement with France, Germany and Britain, is strictly reserved for human consumption.
"We're processing plutonium to make falafel and frosted blueberry Pop-Tarts," said an unnamed spokesman for the Islamic Republic. "It is a top secret process but we desperately need the food, just like we were enriching uranium because we need energy in case the world's second largest oil reserves run out."
Last week, Iran agreed to halt uranium enrichment in exchange for benefits to be negotiated later, including a potential first-round draft pick. However, the issue of plutonium processing was set aside during the negotiations with France, Germany and Britain.
French Foreign Minister Michel Bernier, who, like his predecessor Dominique de Villepin, is a man, said allowing Iran to continue making plutonium was "a humanitarian concession designed to show our goodwill to our new peaceful friend. By permitting the plutonium production, we show Iran that we trust them not to bomb our people. This allows us to achieve security through unilateral vulnerability."
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