Supreme Court Gives Debate Win to Bush
by Scott Ott

(2004-10-13) -- Although many political commentators saw President George Bush and rival John Forbes Kerry battle to a tie in tonight's final debate, the U.S. Supreme Court has intervened and awarded the victory to Mr. Bush.

In a terse one-page ruling, the court said that political pundits had overstepped their authority in declaring the match a draw.

Mr. Kerry, who is also a U.S. senator, promised to abide by the court's decision "out of respect for the institution and pity for Mr. Bush, who struggled valiantly in the face of my withering logic and overwhelming presidential aura."

As with previous debates, the winner receives a brief bump in the polls and a year's supply of Eskimo Pies.

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