by Scott Ott
(2004-09-01) -- During his speech tonight at the Republican National Convention, Vice President Dick Cheney will extend an olive branch to Democrat presidential candidate John Forbes Kerry, praising his two decades of service in the U.S. Senate.
According to his prepared remarks, the vice president will also draw parallels between his Republican beliefs and Mr. Kerry's own principles.
Here's a brief excerpt of what Mr. Cheney will say tonight:
"As a conservative, I believe in getting government off the backs of the people. When I look at John Kerry's two decades in the Senate, I'm pleased to see that he sponsors almost no legislation, and rarely shows up for votes or committee meetings. Sen. Kerry has been a living example of less government, and for that I praise him."Donate | More Satire | Printer-Friendly |"As a Republican, I believe in a strong military and vibrant global commerce, Sen. Kerry believes something similar. As I understand it, he even wants to strengthen our defense by outsourcing it to the United Nations. Now there's a free markets man for you!"
"As a Republican, I believe that you know best how to spend your money. For his part, John Kerry also believes that he knows best how to spend your money."
"As a Republican, I believe that teacher unions should be held accountable for results, and you may be surprised to learn that over at the Kerry campaign fundraising office teacher unions account for measurable results."
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