by Scott Ott
(2004-05-24) -- In a televised address to the nation tonight, U.S. President George W. Bush plans to declare, for all Americans, "the end of major self-loathing operations."
Standing before a banner that reads "Mission Renewed," the president will say "It's time for America to snap out of its navel-gazing trance and to take up the banner of liberty and justice again."
Copies of a draft speech leaked to reporters show that the president will briefly condemn American abuses at Iraq's Abu Ghraib prison and promise that offenders will be prosecuted. Mr. Bush will then focus on his plan to hand over sovereignty to Iraq on June 30.
Speaking directly to the Iraqi people, Mr. Bush will say: "We don't want to run your country, but we're not going to run out on you either. We've opened the door to freedom, liberty and justice for all Iraqis, but you have to walk through that door. If you fail to do so, you condemn your children and grandchildren to the tyranny of terror represented by Muqtada al-Sadr and other pseudo-religious thugs. If you're willing to take the long walk to freedom, you'll find the United States to be a faithful ally that will stomp on the spiders and snakes while you hammer out a new nation, under the rule of law."
"My fellow Americans," the president will continue, "Major self-loathing operations have ended. The time has come for the triumph of our freedom force. The time has come to win hearts and minds by conquering evil. The time has come for our troops to focus whole-heartedly on what they do best -- eliminating threats to liberty through deliberate, decisive force."
Donate | More Satire | Printer-Friendly |
Editor's Picks
