March 05, 2004
Stewart Dumps Stock Just Before Guilty Verdicts by Scott Ott (2004-02-27) -- Despite the heartache sparked by four guilty verdicts today, Martha Stewart left a New York City courtroom with a spring in her step. "Of course, I'm saddened by the prospect of 20 years in prison," said Ms. Stewart, "but just before the jury announced the verdict, I text-messaged my broker with a sell order for all of my shares of Martha Stewart Living OmniMedia (MSO). I just had a feeling about it. As it turns out, the stock took a dive minutes later. I guess I'm just lucky." Ms. Stewart said she would use the money from the stock sale to appeal her convictions on the grounds that the jury was not comprised of her peers. "I'm entitled to trial by a jury of my peers," she said, "but there were no Martha Stewart peers on that jury, as if such people exist. One might argue it wasn't even a jury of my species." Donate | More Satire | Printer-Friendly | |
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