by Scott Ott
(2004-02-18) -- Former Democrat presidential frontrunner Howard Dean today formally ended his bid for the party nomination, and delivered one final inspirational message to his enthusiastic band of grassroots supporters.
The following is the text of that speech:
"To all those who have followed me for the past year, pouring out your hearts and your money for something you believed in, I have this to say: You got punk'd!Did you really believe that a career politician like me was some sort of idealist who was going to change the system? Psyche!
While the other major candidates are playing with money from corporate fatcats, 89 percent of my dough came from ordinary latté-sucking slackers like you. Of course, you would have seen this coming if you hadn't slept through history class. Well, here's your wake-up call.
This campaign was about one thing -- my burning desire to be the most powerful man in the world, or at least to feel the rush of spending $40 million in one year.
My advice to you now is Control-Alt-Delete, baby! Ciao.
P.S. I'm selling your email address to John Kerry."
Mr. Dean said he would devote the next several weeks to writing a book called "Grassroots Movements for Dummies," and to forming a 527 committee called MoveAlongNow.org. Donate | More Satire | Printer-Friendly |
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