January 30, 2004
U.N. Election Team Finds No Evidence of Iraqi Voters by Scott Ott (2004-01-30) -- A United Nations team sent to assess the feasibility of direct elections in Iraq, announced today that it has found no evidence of voters in the nation of 25 million persons. "We need more time," said an unnamed spokesman for the U.N. election team just minutes after arriving at Baghdad Airport. "This is a big country and voters could be anywhere. Frankly, we doubt there are any here at all. We have a 12,000-page document on the subject from the old Hussein regime. It will take months to translate and interpret that before we can take one step outside of our heavily-guarded compound." Until the U.N. team completes its tally of voters, U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan has proposed that Iraq be ruled by the nation's top Shiite cleric, Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani. U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell expressed confidence that voters would be found. "We have satellite photos," said Mr. Powell, "and documents indicating that Saddam Hussein was frequently re-elected by 100 percent of the voters. So, we can say with some assurance that Iraq had an election program, and possibly actual voters." Donate | More Satire | Printer-Friendly | |
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