by Scott Ott
(2004-01-24) -- Within hours after David Kay, the outgoing head of the Iraq Survey Group, told Reuters news agency that Saddam Hussein "got rid of" his WMD stockpiles before the March 2003 invasion, U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld issued an apology and announced plans to return Mr. Hussein to his presidential palace.
"It's clear now that Saddam Hussein was in full compliance with all relevant U.N. Security Council resolutions," said Mr. Rumsfeld. "I accept the blame for the misguided ouster of Mr. Hussein. I should have known that Clinton-era CIA reports were wrong, especially because we still have President Clinton's CIA director on board. I misinterpreted Saddam Hussein's unwillingness to cooperate with United Nations weapons inspectors. I should have known that when someone appears to be hiding something, it means they don't have anything to hide. Even though the United Nations tried in vain for 12 years to get Mr. Hussein to disclose his banned weapons activities, and he failed to produce evidence of the destruction of previously acknowledged WMD stockpiles...despite that, I should have felt in my heart that Mr. Hussein had destroyed all his WMD."
Asked if President Bush shouldn't take the blame for these errors in judgment which led to an ill-advised invasion of Iraq, Mr. Rumsfeld patted his chest with his hand and said simply, "My bad."
"Other than WMD, there was no good reason to interrupt Mr. Hussein's 25-year benevolent reign, which by all accounts had stabilized the region and served as a beacon of peace and freedom for the Arab world," said Mr. Rumsfeld. "I have done a great disservice to the Iraqi people and the entire region. I'm sorry."
He also issued "a heartfelt apology" to France, Germany and other nations which "like Howard Dean, lead with their heart not their head and stood with integrity against ousting Mr. Hussein."
The secretary said Mr. Hussein would be returned to one of his presidential palaces as soon as U.S. troops complete the repairs and renovation.
Donate | More Satire | Printer-Friendly |
Editor's Picks
