January 23, 2004
New Hampshire Debate Won by Unnamed Democrat by Scott Ott (2004-01-23) -- A flash poll taken after last night's Democrat presidential debate in New Hampshire shows the clear winner was 'unnamed Democrat.' Previous polls have shown that while no named Democrat candidate could beat President George Bush, the 'unnamed Democrat' runs neck-and-neck with Mr. Bush in a head-to-head matchup. "Unnamed Democrat clearly has the views, the name recognition and the personal popularity that the other seven candidates lack," said an unnamed pollster. "He or she behaves with presidential dignity, holds centrist positions, conveys a positive message and focuses on his or her well-conceived vision for America rather than the faults of the other candidates." The unnamed Democrat could not be reached for comment, and was reportedly campaigning from an undisclosed location. Donate | More Satire | Printer-Friendly | |
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